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Sep 10

It’s been a while…

Posted on Saturday, September 10, 2016 in Family, Quickie

…since my last confession.

I worked at a boxing match this evening and should probably be flaking on the couch watching television but it suddenly struck me that I should be talking to you instead.

I have thoughts about motherhood, the competitive nature that lies within. The jogging pants, the networking updates declaring achievements of marathon runs, of mummy college graduations and I must admit to feeling a bit inadequate, but that’s my problem, not theirs.

The school car park is where all of this happens. I used to stand amongst the other mummies waiting for our little snot-nosed characters to be released from the guard of their relentless underpaid teachers and we used to make small talk in the meantime. It was nice small talk, but it was superficial which was nice then, but now it’s more cackle than I can handle in my already overcrowded mind and besides, mummy groups are the straightest route into getting roped into things.

Now I sit in my car and pretend to listen to voice mails on my phone while doodling on the back of old diesel receipts, pretending to look busy. I play Candy Crush sometimes while trying very hard to maintain a serious expression. It’s quite sad, but it’s understandable.

Sometimes I do venture out, and hover outside the mummy groups. I laugh awkwardly and venture into their various circles but I don’t belong. I resort to retorts about the weather, I compliment their babes in arms, they compliment mine. Then we all go home.

I wonder sometimes if other mothers feel like me, if they have a boundary, if they’re lonely in spite of loud obvious laughter, in spite of the jogging clothes. Maybe we’re all the same, underneath.

 

Apr 1

I forgot what I was going to say…

Posted on Friday, April 1, 2016 in Family, Quickie, Strange and Unusual

Easter Holidays are lovely. I get to not have to get up so early in the morning and I don’t have to make school lunches. Children just happen around the place randomly.

This time of year also means gardening.

There are weeds everywhere. I would rather stay inside either sleeping or doing laundry or some other haphazard sort of thing but the seeds are calling me, and there are bored children.

So.

‘Here’s a shovel, lads.’

‘But I want to play Transformer Autobots!’

‘Yes, but there are worms underground that need to transform into motorbikes.’

‘How do they do that?’

‘You won’t know until you dig them up.’

‘OKAY!!!!’

Meanwhile the lady children weeded my garden while the young boys made mud pies and havoc. I wandered by later and sowed seeds.

It’s been that sort of day.

Nov 20

Boobs

Posted on Friday, November 20, 2015 in Family, Quickie

caoimhe

This is the Pixie, the fourth and last.

All that chubbiness is attributed to breastfeeding and I’m not giving that up any time soon. I’m so proud of her, and of myself. I love her and would do anything for her including enduring VERY SHARP TEETH.

At the same time, however, she is at the stage of crawling and the need for constant entertainment. She likes eating fluff off the carpet and dividing molecules with her extremely sharp fingernails. We are in the process of chewing on quarks right now to see if they can be divided further.

If a black hole develops in my house any time soon I shall let you know.

Mar 27

The baby’s ringing

Posted on Friday, March 27, 2015 in Family, Quickie

This evening I went to a fundraising salsa dance. I was apprehensive and nervous all week thinking about it but as always with anxiety, it was better than I’d expected. I was sad to leave.

I got the call to come home to feed baby Pixie but by the time I’d arrived, wasn’t she asleep?

I strung around with Baby Daddy, watching Netflix and playing MarioKart as you do, until he fell asleep. I cleaned the kitchen and then sneezed several times. I took this to be a sign. Husband began snoring loudly as he mostly does.

So, I practiced my midnight piano. Very gently on the keys did I press and loved every minute oh so quietly until I heard the baby cry.

I stopped mid-stanza and ran into the baby bedroom which I share with the Accidental Terrorist who exclaimed:

“Would ya ever fckin turn off your phone!?!

I wasn’t sure if he was referring to my piano playing, or the baby crying.

My phone remains as ever, on mute.

I took her into my arms and breast-fed her while practicing Clair De Lune. It’s one of the best memories I’ll ever keep… her falling asleep like that on my pedaling knee while the rest of the house dozes.

Not that I can play it so well yet! But we’re getting there, my baby and me.

Feb 12

Warped humour

Posted on Tuesday, February 12, 2013 in Humourarse, Quickie, Strange and Unusual

Jun 28

Photographs and things for your perusal…

Posted on Thursday, June 28, 2012 in Humourarse, Quickie, Strange and Unusual

…just because I’m in that sort of mood…

 No.

…and because it tickles me…

Flying Camel

…and because it reminds me that it could always be worse…

Ouch.

…and because some things are just too confusing for words.

Strange

(Whoever can caption this photograph first gets the ‘Most Obscurely Orientated Brain’ award.)

And finally I leave you with this. Because it made me make that sound.

Awww

Stolen from the enhanced buzz phenomenon via Buzzfeed

May 8

The rhythm of life

Posted on Tuesday, May 8, 2012 in Little known facts, Quickie

CPR practice. There are about eighteen other people on this first-aid course with me, and as I looked around I noticed that every single one of them was at a different rhythm as they compressed the chests of their creepy limbless dummies.

I called over the dude with the fancy uniform and put it to him that I was confused as to how many beats per minute I was supposed to be pummeling this potential victim’s chest.

 

“Do you know that song ‘Staying Alive‘?” he says.

“I do indeed” says I.

“That’s how fast you go.”

 

How ironic is that?!?

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Aug 30

Turfism

Posted on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 in Family, Quickie

I do agolopize for the brief promise of more regular postings, it’s just that this weird wave of cyberphobia has kicked in again. I’m sure it’ll go away soon.  In the meantime, here is a random photograph of my dear ole dad and some slapper I used to know as a kid. You should see the state of her now.

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Jul 22

Why you need to sleep with a teddybear

Posted on Friday, July 22, 2011 in Arty Farty, Quickie, Strange and Unusual

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Created by deviant artist Begemott.

Jul 5

Don’t be racist

Posted on Tuesday, July 5, 2011 in Humourarse, Quickie

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… and drives like an Irishman!!!

Stolen from Blame it on the Voices