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Mar 4


Posted on Friday, March 4, 2016 in Arty Farty, Family, memememememe, Strange and Unusual

This post is brought to you by a friend of mine who doesn’t write, but shares my love of new words. He challenged me and inspired me to learn 19 new words and use them ALL in one blog post.


Thus follows the story of K8’s February.

I am studying to be a teacher of all things medicine which is a huge thing to undertake and a marvellous privilege. I also have many children now at this stage, and am the keeper of wonderful things that come with this such as nappies that smell like popcorn, and pet rats that tend to escape.

To begin at the beginning…

There was the extraction. A lower molar, the sort that needs a lot of Novocaine and a monkey wrench to remove. It hurt, once my tongue was able to feel the gap. Even a nurdle* was too much to bear. They are good dentists, they did their best. They invited me back but I politely declined.

Two days later, I started a new course.

I forgot the octothorpe* after the numbers on the security system when I entered the building to let my students in on the first day… this sent the alarm off at the school where I was teaching. The alarm sounded like the vocable* of a really bad song, the sort of noise that sticks in your head, that sound that blackbirds love to mimic just to drive you crazy on a Sunday morning when you’re suffering from crapulence*.

The students arrived, and tea was sunk and class began, but due to the nature of the lesson I soon found that my keeper* was unreliable and several students commented on my builder’s arse. They were too demure to obviously point it out however and instead very kindly commented; ‘Hey K8, what’s the crack?!’ I was not in the mood for such interrobangs* so early in the morning so I avoided the collywobbles* by going outside to sniff the petrichor*, for it was indeed a grand soft day, and my desire path* told me that one cigarette wouldn’t hurt.

We had pizza for lunch. Or, at least the students did. By the time I had come back from collecting training equipment all that was left was the box tent* and a few lousy bits of cornicione*. I gave out to them for not eating their crusts, as every good mother does. What followed was a lemniscate* of argument which I could not win, and just ate into (as it were) a perfectly good lunch-time.

Later, at home I yearned for the punt* of a bottle of Chilean wine but found that Puppychild’s pet rat had escaped and was scratching around underneath my oven leading to immense curiosity of the dog and much perplexity of my daughter. Having spent most of the evening prone on the floor with a piece of ham trying to lure the fecker out while also explaining to Sir Fartsalot about magical letters in words where some are invisible.. knights, knees and knickers and other such examples of apthong* technology such as homework is at that age… I felt something nibble on my aglet*. When I turned and looked, it was gone, whatever it was was be found on the overmorrow*, leaving me fitful in my insomia and due dysania* with nightmares and fear that the dog would leave a bloody carcass where my neglect ran dry. I pictured Puppychild staring at the muntin* for weeks while the rain ran down the pane in despair of the horrible mother she had, she that had not the reflexes to catch the rat.

Catch it I did, however, last night. I heard it behind the piano while I was sniffing my barm* and I grabbed it tight and it squeaked and bit but the struggle was worth it, once it was reunited with its sister in the cage. And there it remains, barricaded in the frustration of its own existence. Just like me, just like the rest of us.

Sometimes freedom is more than what it seems to be I suppose.

This is a somewhat abridged version of my eventful recent past, there was also some tree-pruning, quite a lot of runny noses and nappies and also a flat tyre… but I have no more room for cromulent words at the moment, this will have to do for now…

…meanwhile I cannot use the oven, for the insulation is all chewed up. I’m not sure what to do about that.

apthongs aglet barm boxtent dysania desirepath crapulence cornicione collywobbles interrobang keeper lemniscate muntin nurdle vocable punt petrichor overmorrow octothorpe

Apr 17

Around the world in 80 Mammies

Posted on Friday, April 17, 2009 in Family, Joint posts, memememememe, Something to think about

I’ve been tagged by Irish Mammy on the run (the first in Irisher in the train!), though I wouldn’t have known it if she hadn’t mailed me about it, (no thanks to Google *sdfsdflkj*) for which I’m really grateful for, because I’d hate to have missed it.  It’s a calculated meme, a chain of tagged mothers around the globe which is tracked in the effort to create ‘Around the world in 80 mammies’ or (something like that) so that we can connect through our epesiotomies and baby-wipe budgets and share that feeling.  The feeling (or in this case, five feelings) of what it’s like to have that life, to be a mother through its aches and giggles with that head-wrecking ‘Bear in the big blue house’ backing track screwing with your spidey-senses all the live-long day.

* * *

Five things that I love about being somebody’s Ma…

1.  That hair-brushing moment after a bath, when everything goes beautifully quiet apart from the rhythmic schlepping sound of a hairbrush on stubborn tangles.  Warm light, fluffy towels and that almost simian Zen feeling of brushing someone else’s hair and having your hair brushed in kind.  Peace.

2.  Random public moments.  Like when Puppychild robbed money out of my back-pocket at the sweetie counter last week and ran straight to the poor-box with it, then got a lollypop and an adoring look from the lady behind the counter.  That’s my gal! A mini-Robin-Hood learning Karma all over the place and thankfully not greed.  Or in a lift with Laughingboy and some random people, when he gets his buzz from the lift juddering into movement and gives one of his mad arm-flapping laughs and everybody simultaneously erupts into giggles.  That is such a good buzz.

3. The first smile.  My dancing round the kitchen like nobody’s watchin‘ antics sprouted Puppychild’s first.  There she was suddenly  in her little rocker, saying ‘You’re great craic, Ma!’ with her tiny gummy smiley cheeks and it bubbled me over.  Laughingboy’s happened during his Valium phase back in those days I don’t remember much of apart from that one moment.  He was five months old and had been through hell with confusion and pain from seizures constantly throughout his mini life, and had just been given his first downer.  The next morning, he met me with a smile that tore me apart on many strange levels.  I remember freaking out that it wasn’t him any more to TAT, I was that ecstatically confused.  It was like a golden gate out of the  madness.  Since then smiling is all he does and it’s his most killerest feature.

4. Playgrounds!!!  The excuse to whizzing round a two person roundabout and climb on monkey frames and hang your head upside down on a really high swing?  Need I say more?

5. Learning things all over again.  About absolutely everything imaginable.  Teaching obscure facts about snails and having them remembered in childspeak back to you.   Explaining where the bubble went.  Shoelaces, flour-dough, black and red paint.  Everything has to be tested and chewed and broken apart unless I can think of a damn-good reason for it not to.  Most of the time though, I want to find out too.


* * *

In the words of the originator, Her Bad Mother herself;

Here’s how it’s going to work:… I’m going to link to a couple of other mom bloggers here in Canada, and to a couple of mom bloggers from other countries around the world, and they’ll write their posts, sharing 5 things that they love (or maybe what they don’t so much love – this playground doesn’t force conformity) about being a mom, and then they’ll tag a few more bloggers from their own country and from other countries, and so on. And you’re more than welcome to join: just write a post of your own (5 things that you love about being a mom) and find someone to link to and tag – someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (Google is a good resource if you don’t know any; google any country name and ‘mom’ in their blog search function) (be sure to let them know that you’ve tagged them!) – and link back here and leave a comment and we’ll add you to the ‘itinerary,’ ….

Are you in? I hope you’re in. This is going to be fun. No passport necessary.

This is a real chocolate-chip of a meme, so it is.  I can’t wait to find out what happens next.

My taggins are:


Peace out to all the other mammies out there too…


Mar 25

The slightly warped name-meme

Posted on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 in memememememe, Strange and Unusual

This New Moon has me slightly psychotic, so instead of commending the fine artist responsible for Biffo on the Bog and his or her effecting some pretty wonderful inspiration for other artists (Paint-shop or otherwise) all around this messed up country…


… I will introduce my various psychotic personalities (as memed by Shaffner Syracuse or possibly Summer Daisey… it’s hard to tell exactly) one by one thus releasing them into the ether so I can get to re-birthing my soul.  Or my airing-cupboard, whichever comes first.


Personality #1: The Rock Star (first pet, current car), Misty Berlingo.  Best known for her ability to roll cigarrettes using only her left nipple.

Personality #2: The Gangster (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite type of shoe), Cookie-Dough High Tops.  She go medieval on y’ass if yo dizzle her shizzle.

Personality #3: The Native American (favorite color, favorite animal),  Sunset Orange Bee.  Once wrestled a bear behind using only her baby toe and a pineapple.

Personality #4: The Soap Opera star (middle name, city where you were born), Juliette Dublin.  Recovered from her triple-bypass fibre-optic brain replacement therapy nicely, thank you.

Personality #5: The Star Wars character (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name), Oco-Ka.  Lesser known mechanic and genius behind the repulsorlift engine on racing Pods.

Personality #6:  The Superhero (2nd favorite color, favorite drink), Apple-Green Squash.  Known to pulvarize victims with apple pips shot from various orifices.

Personality #7:  The NASCAR driver (the first names of your grandfathers), Daddy Dermot.  Crowned ‘Skidmark King’ in ’82.

Personality #8:  The Dancer (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy), Honeysuckle Sherbet.  Once performed a triple high-twist pirhoutte, caught her tights in her nose ring, broke her knee caps and STILL took home the gold.

Personality #9:  The TV weather anchor (your 5th class teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter), Finnegan Frankfurt.  What that woman can do with her clicker!  She’d give you a warm front, no problem.

Personality #10: The Spy (your favorite season/holiday, flower), Spring Poppy.  You ain’t seen her… right?

Personality #11:  The Cartoon character (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now), Grape Hoodie.  Likes to float around in bubbles, is highly phobic of bananas.

Personality #12:  The Hippie (what you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree), Fry-Up Willow.  Known for her ability to kill, skin and chop delicious rashers out of pigs despite her strict vegetarian attitudes.  Always willing to try new substances.

Personality #13: The Movie (or porn) star (first pet, first street where you lived); Misty Brackenbush park.  She dyes her pubes green, not just on Paddy’s Day, either.


There.  That should do it.

Memes are not just for Easter though, so I may pass it on to a few people and urge that they do the same.  It’s good therapy, people.

Infantasia, Jefferson, Mc Mad… yiz’rall tagged.  Ha.

Feb 18

The 100 things meme

Posted on Wednesday, February 18, 2009 in Little known facts, memememememe, Strange and Unusual, Taxi driving

Brian F at Rantings Diversified (the dude abides) was my very first ever commenter which is a big thing for every blogger – we all know who first popped our cookie.

Anyway… he memed me with the 100 things meme (in which all the truths that apply to me are in BLUE, all the shit I haven’t gotten around to doing yet is in BLACK) which sounds like too much fun to ignore.  Also, if you have the patience to sit through it, I’ve a wee present for you at the end.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. I have played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb Killed it, Butchered it and Ate it too
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (both)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62.Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma.
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check/cheque
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

For shits and giggles, I pass this meme to The Jelly Monster

Now for your present!  This is a most highly coveted ring-tone, as kindly donated by a random passenger in TAT’s taxi:

Download this bad-boy

Oct 2

Maxi Cane – The Smellumentary

Posted on Thursday, October 2, 2008 in Humourarse, memememememe, Something to think about, Strange and Unusual

Now I’m all on for experiments in the name of science, you know that.  All it takes is the brave Guinea pig, the one who stands up and says ‘YES! I will put the questions burning in your minds into practice and give you the answers because that’s the sort of guy I am!’

Hurray, I say, for the brave experimenter.  Rather you than me mate.

In true Maxi style, it’s dark.  It’s anti-social.  If he pulls it off, he’s guaranteed to offend people in their hundreds but it’s all in the name of science so that’s okay.

What’s the Smellumentary?

Stop showering.  That’s pretty much it.  For 30 days, Maxi Cane will cease all showering, brushing and gargling, and will test his immunity along with the patience of his loved ones.  Brave.  Very brave.

I’m curious… I have a feeling that there is a certain level of smelliness that the human body can excrete, given that eventually naturally cleansing enzymes kick in… but add to this the pong of over-used and under-washed clothing?  The mind boggles.

“This got me thinking, could a person go for 30 days without washing or changing clothes and carry on in a normal way the way they usually would?

Would a person suffer any short or long term health effects of being a filth monger?

Would I get comfortable and break a lifelong habit of personal hygiene.

Think about that for a minute. None of us were born knowing that we had to wash or keep clean. How many times were you told by your parents to brush your teeth, take a bath and wash behind your ears? It’s a life long habit that people just don’t break. So would I have trouble adjusting to it? Would I adjust too easily and not want to go back to my clean ways?

Physical health problems in the short term are a given I suppose, but what about long term? Would there be any lasting psychological effects?”

Read more…

Maxi has also made a wee video as a taster…


…and has even created the concept of Smellenges for us loyal supporters of the Greater Good.  A smellenge is basically our idea of the foulest way Maxi can excarberate and flaunt his filth within reason.   It’s a competition amongst bloggers and foul-thinkers alike, passed on in a meme sort of fashion.  The winners of the best and most applicable ideas, win this:



The rules:

  • Choose three activities that would antagonize Maxi’s aroma and get up people’s noses
  • Make sure they’re at least a little physical
  • Keep them relatively simple, safe and legal
  • Link your answers back to Maxi Cane, obviously
  • Give credit to the person who tagged you
  • Tag three others

I got tagged right off the bat, but I had to think really hard because this stuff warrants some serious brain-cell burnout and now, here, finally are my smellenges.

1.  Climb the Sugarloaf. 
Yeah you heard me!  You’ve no excuse now, matey.  When you’ve finished, I smellenge you to walk in through the front doors of the Ritz Carlton, and let me know exactly how long it takes to wipe the staff’s faces of those stupid faux-friendly smiles that are bet into them by ‘Posh ‘r us’ recruitment or whoever the fuck it is.  It’s annoying, and I want to see you break them down.

2. Flush a blunt object.
Be it an empty pill bottle, a comb, a net bag full of corks… whatever. I want you to play havoc with your sewer system. Then, when problems arise and people are pissed off about their bogs over-flowing, you save the day. Open up that sewer cover in plain view of the neighbours and unclog that baby, savouring the gush of fresh excrement as it’s freed from its tubular jail-cell. Then you need to go from door to door to canvas for your neighbour’s gratitude with a funky hand-shake. Now you’ll really know who your friends are.

3. Infiltrate your nearest Tesco’s ventilation system.
This shouldn’t be too hard… they manage to stinkify the front entrances with the smell of freshly baked bread somehow, so there must be a fan operating somewhere near the kitchen. Stand by that fan for as long as you possibly can (impersonate a health-inspector?) and fumigate that entrance. Tesco stinks. It’s about time somebody let them know.

Now, to nominate some Smellengers…

Grandad – HA! Sweet revenge.
Terence Mc Danger – While you’re in the meming mood…
Primal Sneeze – Ming it up.

PS. If you are interested and wish to support this concept, have a look at Maxi’s questionnaire.  If you think this he is just looking for attention and this is all just the product of a bored man’s twisted imagination, visit it anyway and leave him nasty comments.  He likes that too.

Sep 22

Pass the cheese

Posted on Monday, September 22, 2008 in memememememe

Me dear old Dad passed this meme on to me a while back…

I get to throw a dinner party and invite eight people with presumably endless amounts of booze and the finest grub there is – it just so happens that when I first read Squidward’s attempt, I had a crazy dream that happily did all the work for me!  I love my sub-conscious.

The Rules:

– Pick 8 people you’d like to invite to dinner, dead or alive or re-animated / resurrected.  (I’m adding fictional at this point… because I can.)

– Say why

– Link your answers back to HERE

– Give credit to the person who tagged you

– Tag three others


Right so… here’s how my table would look;

tatThe Accidental Terrorist, because we hardly ever get to eat out at the same time these days!  Also he’s great craic.
Brian the dog from Family Guy because he strikes me as great company and might be able to teach me a thing or two about jazz.brian
tolkienJRR Tolkien would be an incredibly interesting sort of chap to talk to.  I’d imagine he’d be great at the drunken sing-songs afterwards too.
I’d love the chance to pick Bob Marley’s brains about his attitude to solving the world’s problems with music.  Also I would like to steal a dreadlock on the sly for my keyring.marley
Rasher (Mark Kavenagh)
is a dude from Bray who is producing painted masterpieces by the dozen.  I am in serious awe of his talent, but that’s not why I’d ask him.  I’d get him to doodle on a few napkins so that I could frame them and make a mint later on.
My entire lymphatic system.  What better way to thank it for sorting out that last bacteria-fest than to take it out to dinner?!?chip
buddhaSidharta Gautama.  Just… because.
Mary Harney.  I wouldn’t allow her to order or eat anything, any sort of talking is also right out.  She would just sit there for the rest of us to flick peas and laugh at.harney


You can imagine what sort of messed-up dream that was!

Now to tag…

Vagab0ndage  (what the fuck is a meme you might ask?  Wouldn’t blame you.  Answer here)

Lorna (as an apology for not doing the ‘7 things’ meme :)

Coffee Helps (my favourite place to lurk lately)

Aug 8

Story of my Life

Posted on Friday, August 8, 2008 in Family, memememememe, On the box

There are some fierce creative memes flapping about recently, aren’t there?  This one is from Squidward and here are the rules:

If you had to select celebrities/actors to play the parts in the story of your life today (including yourself!), who would it be and why – this can be based on looks or personality!

The Rules!

1. List the people who would play you, and the key people in your life.
2. Give credit to the person who tagged you.
3. Link your answers to the original blog, that’s here (!
4. Tag four new people to participate.


Right so…

I’d have Mary-Louise Parker play myself (as long as she can do me accent!),  because I related to her character and her family in ‘Weeds’ a little bit too much.  It was quite scary how similar we seem to be, except that she can give a mighty verbal ass-kicking which is a subject I am studying.

The Accidental Terrorist would be played by Keith Duffy, because no foreign actor could act a true Irish lad’s lad, the type of lad that you find annoying at first until they grow on you and you find out that they’re great craic after all, and are handy with a spanner. 

My father would be played by John Cleese.  I often wonder if they’re not one and the same person in fact – Grandad’s blog-vs-John Cleese’s blog… see?! I am Cleesedad’s offspring.

My mum would be played by Brenda Fricker because she would nail the part.  She has that earthy mammy quality about her, but with a dark and twisty edge.  I yearn to be a Fricker type lady when I grow up.

Laughingboy and Puppychild are tough, that kid Emma Bolger is one amazing actress, but too old for the part.  I suppose we could just use sound-effects for Puppychild, maybe a Jack Russell?  Otherwise she’d have to play herself which she’d probably love.

Laughingboy would also have to play himself (unless there is one extremely talented 7 year old out there?), but his story would be amazing on film if he had a voice-over… an inner monologue maybe.  I crave a voice-over of his inner-monologue in real life more than anything else in this world, and I reckon Daniel Day Lewis is best for that part.  No, I’m not taking the piss, My Left Foot is pure coincidence I swear.  That lad can act.


I hereby stuff this meme in a bottle of petrol, light it and throw it at:

BainoEnglish MumFrom the Living Room… and Xbox4NappyRash.  Suck it up!

Jul 17

Getting Your Goat… meme!

Posted on Thursday, July 17, 2008 in memememememe, Rantings

I was just thinking the other day, so I was, about how quiet it all is on the meme front these days.  Then I regretted thinking it because that’s like saying… ‘at least it’s not raining!’, and sure enough, a nice big juicy meme arrived in my linkses.

It’s from my Daddyo who at least has the good taste to only forward the good ones.

It’s called the ‘Getting Your Goat’ meme.

The Rules

1. List two things that irritate you for a reason (and list the reason!), and two things that irritate you for no apparent reason whatsoever!!
2. Give credit to the person who tagged you.
3. Link your answers to the original blog.
4. Tag four new people to participate.

YAY!  Everyone appreciates a good opportunity to whinge, well, Irish people do, anyway.

1. Two things that annoy the hell out of me for good reason:

Toy/Miniature dogs: I’m so delighted that I share this one with English Mum.  A Bichon Frise is not a dog.  It is a tampon with teeth.  Maltezers, especially the ones with the ponytails, look stupid and love to Yap into the wee small hours.  I know this because my next-door neighbour has one.  When TAT asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said ‘a BB gun’ and so he bought me one.  I’m nearly out of bullets but at least I’m getting a lot more sleep!  The Shih-Tzu’s only redeeming feature is that occasionally one will walk over an up-draught ventilator a la Marylin Monroe which is a very entertaining sight indeed.

Stranger than fiction

Packaging:  Foundations that claim to contain ‘nano light-reflecting diamond-chips’ and ‘Micro-Collagen-Spheres’.  Shampoos with extracts of things like fig-leaf and Gogi-berries.  It’s all just the same mix of Cetearyl Alcohol, Benzyl Salicylate and Methylchloroisothiazolinone but with a different smell.  I wish they’d just scrap the bullshit and sell us re-cyclable plain containers instead.  Buggered if I’m paying for your adverstising costs!

Two things that irritate me for no real reason:

Over-acted radio voices/personalities: Mainly two:  Harvey Norman (at least the owner of the advertising voice), or should I scream ‘HAAAAAAVVVIE NOOOOOWWMAN!!!’ should be sacked and given the job of a cricket commentator instead.  Michael McMullen is a sports commentator on Today FM and starts every single bulletin with… ‘Hoooy, Oi’m Moich’l Mok Mulllll’n.’  His accent is a cross between Lloyd Grossman and that of a Blackrock College student and it makes my face feel like it needs to turn inside-out.

Ugg Boots: These are okay on their own, they’re warm and cosy.  I just hate it when they come with grey-hound-skirt wearing slappers.  A girl cakes herself in sparkly makeup, inserts the hair-extensions and breaks out the tiny dress with optimum bling and suddenly realises she’s sending out the wrong impression.  What does she do?  She dons Ugg Boots.  Now she thinks her legs look amazing and men will just think she’s a quirky cutie, but in reality she looks totally fucking ridiculous.  I would love to just walk over to these girls and slap them, I have no idea why.  

2. Credit to Squidward for the meme.

3. Linky hand-shakes to the dude who invented this meme:

4. Meme dutifully passed to: Warrior, Jefferson Davis, Sam Problemchildbride and Kirk M who also gets my Dog’s Bollocks of the month award for being so constantly inconsistently entertaining lately.

Apr 25

6 Cromulent Words

Posted on Friday, April 25, 2008 in memememememe, Quickie

Grandad maimed me elaborately. 

I’ve to describe meself in 6 words, which would be –

Moody; Loyal; Misinterpreted; Lazy; Ditzy; Strange

You know what?  I’m going to save you all the ball-ache of doing this or explaining to me that you’ve already done it, thank you very much, and I’m going to go off and trawl the internet for random blogs as a random curiosity project for myself instead.

Here’s who I found:

My Strange BlogRick Gottlieb’s BlogRealFakeStalking with the starsTruckdriver Blog 

(You don’t know me, but I just maimed you.  My dad made me do it.)

Apr 11

Posh Spa

Posted on Friday, April 11, 2008 in Hackney Cabbing, Jobs, memememememe

I’m the tiredest person in the world.  From being unemployed (or a ‘Home Engineer’ as I like to put it) to a full-time cabby in less than 60 seconds has taken it’s toll a bit!  Me poor blog has taken to the backburner, but I’ll try to keep her ticking over – at least until I’ve finished programming photos into me, which is a task that hangs over me like a box of Acme TNT.  Pardon me if I’m a bit quiet.

I love being a cabby, me.  Bray is full of diversity… it’s only been a week and I’ve already met the village idiot and the new Messiah!  Seriously though, taxiing is a rich farm of interesting conversations.  Everyone wants to talk to a stranger, as Pedro rightly pointed out during a game of Colin McRae after work today. 

I made my first taxi-punter regular!  A girl and her fella took a shine to me last week and by coincidence, got me again today.  When her boyfriend hopped out, she got me to drive her to the top of the town, then back down to the bottom again in rush hour traffic.  She was in the car for almost an hour but we spent it happily burning our each other’s ears off (with matches!-it’s so nice to meet a fellow sado-masochist) and comparing tattoos.  She gave me a small fortune of a tip and asked me to stick around!  Sweet.

A little old lady likened me to James Bond for my driving skills, and a younger Austrian lady informed me that it costs €55 (FIFTY FIVE SQUIDS?!?!?) to have one’s nails varnished at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Enniskerry.  My, but isn’t that one posh spa.  I hope she buffs first!


Jefferson has me tagged with one of his own nifty inventions-

“Bring to your consciousness those memoriesof the things you’ve seen and the places you’ve been over the last twenty-four hours. Good. Now select a one-minute sequence of events and try to replay it over and over again in your mind.��?

From “The Three Bears“, by Derec Jones

Whoa… which minute?!  How to choose?!?!  Ok here goes:

I’m sitting on the Putland Road with the door open and the sun shining strong, having a smoke (shhhh!).  The CB radio has been quiet, and the lads out on the streets are getting bored. 

– *cchhh* 21, Tommy?

– *cchhh* Yeah go ahead Pa’.

– *cchhh* Do you have a number for this fella? What does he look like?

– *cchhh* 28, K8 – have you got details for this lad?

– *cchhh* Umm, no.  He’s in his sixties, long scruffyish hair. (I release the button and curse loudly – bad rookie!)

– *cchhh* Heh.. sounds like you, Pa’!

– *cchhh* Rrrrrodge.

– *cchhh* Car 11 is clear.

– *cchhh* Yeah clear.  Ehhh… 28, uh.. ehhh.  Whatsit ehhhhhh.. K… uuuuhhhh.. um.. (etc for 12 seconds of forgetful torture while I scream RELEASE THE BUTTON SO I CAN TELL YA!!! at the radio.) uhhhh… Kate!

– I pause to quash a bad dose of giggles… *cchhh* snif – Yeah, go ahead *ahem*

– *cchhh* Sorry there.  Brain blocked. Could you go up to Dunnes there and pick up a Missuz Whotsit with her shopping for 14 Backageegee street? 

-*cchhh* Sure thing.  And Tommy?

-*cchhh* Yeah go ahead

-*cchhh* Keep your ‘uuuhhs’ to yourself next time, ok?

-*cchhh* Wha?

-*cchhh* tee hee hee!

I couldn’t believe that someone actually pressed their mike button just to giggle.  How great this job is!

I like this one.  Fair play Jeffo :)

Passing the pencil to: The Benster, Resident Alien, Doc (The Accidental Terrorist may or may not be on to you… he’s being very furtive about penguins lately), Sam Problemchildbride, and Thriftcriminal.

Head. Pillow. Hit. Zzzzzzzz.


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