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Jun 13

18% lesbian

Posted on Monday, June 13, 2016 in Philosophy, Something to think about

This topic has cropped up once or twice while on duty. It’s not unusual for me to spend a great amount of hours trapped in the cabin of an ambulance with a male co-worker, but the beauty of this is that there are never awkward silences. We can enjoy silence in each other’s company without the need to talk, and I love that about this strange little family.

Occasionally though, especially during charity 10K runs, the male in my company will make lewd comments about ladies running past (boing! boing! boing!), and I will see him, and raise him an inappropriate comment. I love that they feel confident enough to do this in front of me, for I am not a feminist at all… IN FACT there was that beautiful conversation I had once with a co-worker when I revealed to him that I am in fact 18% lesbian.

This baffled him.

He wondered how I had such a precise figure. So I explained:

(And I highly recommend that you do the same for it is very liberating)

All you need to do is take the attractive aspects that you find in both males and females, add them up, then divide one into the other. Every figure is different for everybody but I assure you that NONE OF US is 100% heterosexual.

In my opinion…

MEN have penises. That’s fucking handy, if you’ll excuse the pun. They also wear army uniforms very well. If they’re wearing army uniforms and driving a truck that’s double points. I like men’s hands, when they’re well defined and the veins are obvious (this might be an EMT fetish). I like it when men run. I love the shape of the back of a man’s neck. I love men who wear work clothes and smell sweaty, I love a man’s sense of humour. I love that you can say inappropriate things to a man and he can tell very awkward jokes by return without anyone getting offended. I love that they go off on a waffle conversation and don’t really care whether you’re interested or not. I love that they are very easily offended when you try to criticize them about their fire lighting techniques. I love beards, or at least a mis-shaven chin. I love pictures of men with tiny babies, that small window of tenderness just hits me at the core.

but then…

WOMEN have beautiful hips! I have a friend who has beautiful enormous thighs, they make her walk in a fashion that is hugely sexy in my opinion even though she is constantly aware of her figure and is always dieting. I would love to tell her that I think she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and that if she was ever thinking of having a threesome I would absolutely volunteer. I can’t describe her hips to you in real words. They just make me melt. I want to bite them. Women with intelligence are so entirely sexy for me too, I know a teacher who dresses in Victorian style clothing a lot, she’s in her late 50’s and has long flowing grey hair. She doesn’t have big hips, but her brain is abundant and she has the air of an alien who has great wisdom and is only just visiting this planet for the first time. I would not be very quick to turn her away from a naked brandy by the fireplace I tells you.

So.

This is just a quick explanation of my own tastes. And, like I say, once you divide one number into the other, you get a percentage.

lady erection

I am proud to be 18% lesbian.

I challenge you to be open with yourself and accept your percentage. What ratio do you end up with?

 

Bring on the comments

  1. Grandad says:

    100% Lesbian. Never fancied men. Give me women every time.

  2. K8 says:

    It’s ok, there’s no need to hide your light under a bushel here.

    I bet at one point or two in your life when you’ve witnessed somebody fingerpicking an awe inspiring riff you’ve had a twitch or two. It’s normal! Being openminded is an entirely butch.

  3. Grandad says:

    If they were fingerpicking their nose, arse or crotch, then definitely not.

    If they were fingerpicking their guitar then that might harden my resolve to practice more and raise them in my estimation, but that’s the only hardening or raising involved.

  4. K8 says:

    I’ve seen you wearing pink. That’s at least 2% right there!!

  5. Grandad says:

    Rubbish! If I ever wore a pink item it’s because someone else bought it for me and I didn’t want to show lack of appreciation.

  6. K8 says:

    Yes but you still wore it. That’s comfort in your masculinity. You can be masculine but still 2% homosexual. It’s nothing to be afraid of.

    It’s amazing that women can own up to being more open minded than men can sexually speaking (generally).

    I’ve had this conversation many times over with various sexes, the trend is weird.

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