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Nov 26

Confessions of an Ambulance Driver

Posted on Thursday, November 26, 2015 in Hackney Cabbing, Jobs, Rantings, Taxi driving

I like driving. I always have. I remember watching my Dad driving as a nipper and looking at the gear-stick and wondering WHY? HOW does he know when to change the thing and what aren’t there more pedals? He tried to give me driving lessons when I came of age, and had a minor anxiety attack. I feel I’ll be in that seat, so to speak, soon with my own sproutlings.


The biggest thing I’ve driven is an aeroplane, but it was just little one, a Katana. The instructor let me take the wheel for a while and we did belly flips and anti-gravity tricks and things and I gave the instructor a minor anxiety attack and so he took control again. That was something I’ll never forget. But it’s expensive.

The next biggest thing I’ve driven is an LDV Convoy. That’s just a fancy way of saying ‘van’. It had a large water tank in the back of it though. When it was full it played havoc with turning on roundabouts what with your centrifugal forces and such nonsense. And, as every Irish person knows, you can’t sneeze without stumbling upon a roundabout in these parts. I have smelled several nervous farts dealt by passengers and co-workers on hectic days, but I didn’t say anything for I am a lady.

Now I’m an Emergency Medical Technician and I get to drive an ambulance. Ambulances are a lot like aeroplanes in that there is a lot of delicate cargo rattling around in the back. Explosive tanks.. metal things that can become dislodged… and obviously the odd delicate patient.

I hate ramps, by the way.

Getting to the point:

Being a female driver of a large vehicle, I find that the biggest novelty isn’t my own excitement, its the excitement of on-lookers. Recently I arrived at a job, and was required to reverse against the flow of two-lane traffic into a narrow junction. Instead of kindly assisting the traffic however, onlookers pointed and laughed and nudged each other. They were DYING for me to crash into something. Several of them had their phones out, recording my efforts.

No pressure.

When I successfully and safely reversed my baby into her place, and disembarked, I could literally smell the disappointment from the crowd. One bloke walked up to me and said:

‘I hope you don’t crash that thing on the way home, love!!’

So of course I replied:

‘I hope you don’t have a heart-attack, darling.’

Bring on the comments

  1. Darragh says:

    I am very very glad that you are blogging again K8 the Gr8. Keep it up. I really enjoy your style of writing. My wife drives similar beasts and really enjoys rubbing peoples noses in it. :)

  2. Grandad says:

    “and had a minor anxiety attack” – I don’t know in retrospect why I was so anxious. After all, it’s perfectly normal to shoot past a stop sign at forty miles an hour onto a main road? Sure I do it all the time myself.

  3. Brianf says:

    Well good for you on driving an ambulance. I love driving. That’s why I drive a little roadster. I use to own a 1975 Chevy Caprice Classic Convertible and I loved parallel parking that land yacht.

  4. Brighid says:

    Take good care, I know that your job is not as easy as you make it sound. Hugs & Merry Christmas, Brig

  5. K8 says:

    For all my talk, I’ve never yet needed to drive a large vehicle like that with lights and sirens, I’m thankful for that. I’m not sure that I’m looking forward to that day.

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