The following is a very long and spurious story. I would advise that you drop acid before reading it.
I’ve just returned from an effort to renew my driving license. I think I broke a member of their staff. I offered her acid of course, but she declined and declared that she had to have a lie-down instead.
See, it all began when Laughingboy was born. Because he was born out of wedlock, we decided to give him our future married name in order to avoid having to adopt him again at a later stage (stupid Irish laws etc.)
But, unlike normal people who would assign a married name as the husband’s, my own husband wasn’t really happy with his name as it seems to be jinxed: the majority of marriages on his side of the family wound up divorced. So! We adopted the IRISH version of his name when we eventually tied the knot.
But, we were very young at the time so of course we spelled it wrong and thus our family was given a brand new name, that which apparently doesn’t exist, or at least hasn’t existed in thousands of years. Still legit though, somewhat spuriously.
Trouble is, when you translate Irish surnames into Irish, there be politicks:
Master and Mr are easy… they’re both named Ó.
Females are somewhat more complicated though.
Unmarried ladies are known as ‘daughter of‘ which is ‘Ní’.
Married ladies are known as ‘wife of‘ which is ‘Beann Uí’.
Not being a fan of politicks, I shopped and changed between all three over time between different entities until eventually everything became confused and now everyone in my family has a different name, indeed, I myself have at least four names. I also have my facebook alias name which has also creeped into real life on various occasions so that makes five names for me.
Bonus! This means I can get away with crimes left right and centre, but I choose not to. Does this not count for anything?!?
So, when I went to apply for my new drivers license today, I provided them with all the proper documentation and they got very confused because they didn’t understand Irish. I might point out here that shamefully, all staff were as Irish as a packet of Tayto but their heads still exploded.
“Jaysus but this is all very Irish” yer man behind the counter ironically exclaimed… this statement has various meanings in this country.
So, I reverted to my maiden name and distracted them with magic tricks.
I’m expecting a very strongly worded letter from somebody in the future. I wonder what name they will use.
In the meantime, there is this: