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Nov 18

Why n00bs should never sit in the front row at Mass

Posted on Sunday, November 18, 2012 in Family

‘Because that’s where all the aul’ lady ghosts sit and they get angry if you steal their seats.’

‘Oh.’ Said Puppychild.

She’s new to this Mass lark. So am I. I haven’t been to Mass regularly since I was 16 and even then, that was just to eye up the local talent from the back row.

We sat three rows from the front, three empty pews before us. Puppychild wanted to sit right in the front seat but I made up that lie about old lady ghosts and that seemed to convince her.  We were still at the front of the entire congregation though and that is BAD for three reasons:

  1. Lip syncing is very important because the priest can see you very well. Seeing as the chanting has changed in the last year (for no reason) it means that I’m in bluff territory… I’m mouthing words like a Japanese bloke in a kung-fu film, but I have no subtitles. I know when to stick in the ‘Amen’s and the ‘Our Father’ but that’s it. Everything else is on a wing and an… ummm… prayer.
  2. I can’t see when everyone else is sitting or standing or kneeling. At one point the priest looked at me pointedly and said ‘Please be seated.’ I glanced around to find that everyone had been kneeling for some time. I and my daughter were the only ones still standing, so that was fairly embarrassing.
  3. Being at the front of the crowd, means being the last one to leave. I filtered out at the end of the posse which made me a bit obvious to the choir folk. Unfortunately somebody spotted me and recognized me as my grandmother’s grand-daughter. She was very famous in this church at one time so that means by proxy I guess I should be too. D’oh.

So now I’m in the Church Choir I guess.

I’m starting next Sunday.

I have to go and do some serious singing sinning now that I’m such a good girl.

These balances are important to uphold.

Bring on the comments

  1. Granny says:

    Ya durtay ejit. I am jealous really cause I had wanted to join when we first arrived here, but cannot stand for more than 20 mins.

  2. Granny says:

    Granny M. brought her own stool (not the Mr Hanky kind).

  3. Brianf says:

    Sitting up front, leaving last, getting rooked into singing with the choir. Ha! You are a N00b! The trick to attending Mass unnoticed is to sit halfway up front. About in the middle. That way you can see when it’s time to stand or kneel and you can filter your way out unnoticed in the crowd at the end. I’m the king of NOT running into someone I went to school with at Mass and I go to the same church that I was baptised in.

  4. Kirk M says:

    Singing in the choir now are we? Always knew you were an angel there, K8.

    And I agree with BrianF about sitting half way up front. Slouching a bit is always good as well. Too late for you though. You’ve been pegged.

  5. Brighid says:

    Saints preserve us… sing it out… flash your beads… and all will be right in your world.
    I always tried to hit the middle pews as that’s were I was out of father’s reach, and too close for him to see me…

  6. K8 says:

    Ah it’s not so bad. The choir gets to sit right at the back and it’s full of quirky people, it’s like visiting a holy zoo every weekend.

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