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Aug 26

D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

Posted on Sunday, August 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

What the fuck is going on?!?

Here’s me happily plodding along in my life and expecting the usual landmark occasions such as weddings, christenings, and eventually funerals, happily accepting the happenings that happen in a person’s time-scale. We all accept and expect these things, it’s a part of life.

But then! Right in the middle, when you least expect it, comes the divorce phenomenon.

I might expect an odd divorce. An ODD divorce or separation. When things don’t work out, when people are better off apart, even for their kid’s sake. I’m in the middle of a mass-exodus however. It seems that every happy couple around me; around us, all of our friends are splitting up with each other. Where once a couple were happy to smile upon each other and adore for no other reason but to be in each other’s company, now they choose to quit without a fight.

***

There’s our best bud, and her lovely husband… they can’t work together. Puppychild wonders if he’s still her uncle, because he is, after all, her favourite uncle of all time. I wonder if she’ll ever see him again.

There’s our family friend, he has two small girls, he and the missuz can’t get along… will we ever get to jigsaw and push each other down slides in the future?

There’s the brother of our family bud, he got married to his fella in the ‘Dam a few year back. I did love that guy, he was different. Will I ever get to compare tattoos with him again? Those boys were to me the epitome of love, and now they’re ended. They went through so many obstacles to prove that gay marriage should be fly, but when they earned their wings, they failed to soar.

Then there’s our extended in the U.S., they had it all. But now maybe not so much, because there was the affair.

Apart from these, there are three other couples close to us that have separated within the last year.

***

Did nobody tell these people that marriage would not be easy? Did nobody tell them how to weather the snow? It’s not as though there’s an exam to pass in order to get hitched, getting married is a very simple affair, as long as you have the cash. Getting married means more than money though. WAY more. That certificate merits your ability to toughen the worst storms of your life, it’s harder than a master’s degree. It takes temperance, acceptability, honesty, communication. It hates stonewalling and contempt. It’s a thing of compromise, of sweet ignorance.

I’m inclined to advise friends NOT to get married anymore for that reason, so few can take it.

I don’t understand why these people don’t fight, don’t relax their minds and give it all, to weather the snow and weather the rain because when the sun shines it makes it all worth it. A thing of ultimate sacrifice, it seems all to easy to quit, even if we are in the lucky age of communication and counselling. ┬áSo why bother?

Because in the end, I guess it’s worth it. A way to not die alone. Donating decades to a cause which in the end, will be worth it somehow. I hope. I hope I can weather it. I hope.

Bring on the comments

  1. Simon says:

    Really enjoyed this. It’s all ahead of me :)

  2. Brighid says:

    It is sadd to see this happen, and it does seem to come in groups…
    That said I divorced himself a year before he died, after forty two years of marriage. Still feel like I failed both of us.

  3. K8 says:

    Simon; Or is it?!?!?

    Brighid; Forty two years! I definitely wouldn’t perceive that as a failure, more like an incredibly inspirational demonstration of patience and tolerance.

  4. Jo says:

    A lot of Irish people lived together in misery, growing more and more lonely and bitter lying beside their spouse every night for decades, alone. I don’t think anything has changed except now people can leave and try for a second chance. Getting married doesn’t mean people will never grow apart. The lucky few adapt and fix it. Most of us don’t. The brave ones break up and try to save themselves and each other, maybe.

    I agree with you that marriage should be a safe space to work on yourself, to be the best person you can be. It’s very hard living with someone who hates you though, or something who can’t or won’t communicate.

    Ultimately I think you’re right, and few of us should do it in the first place. I wish I hadn’t.

  5. Holemaster says:

    People expect too much these days.

    I’m not married but it’s coming very soon I think. Herself indoors has passed the test of putting up with me and my various OCD ways. I have also learned to listen to every third topic she discusses. So it works very well and we both feel very safe and protected when we nod off at night.

    I think that’s enough for me. And it’s enough for her too.

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