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Jul 30

Fickle Picky Ickle Friend

Posted on Saturday, July 30, 2011 in Family, munchies, Rantings

It happens occasionally that Puppychild gets to have a friend for dinner at our house (with some fava beans and a nice chianti) and from experience I’ve learned that the simplest foods go down the best where five year olds are concerned.

So, I served wholemeal spaghetti with tuna and sweetcorn flavoured with a wee blob of butter and a squitch of olive oil, a pinch of salt, pepper, a squeeze of lemon and a dash of fresh cream. Then I made a mistake. I added a sprig of well chopped parsley.

Puppychild’s friend pulled a grimace when I placed her little pink bowl of food in front of her. She poked a finger into the depths of her spaghetti and withdrew a teeny speck of green… she looked as though she were about to vomit.

“Wha is dis?” she waved her green speck at me.

“It’s parsley” I explained, “It tastes lovely and it’s very good for you, there’s only a tiny bit in there though.”

“I don’ like ih.” she folded her arms in a huff and shoved the bowl away with her elbow.

“But how do you know you don’t like it, if you’ve never tried it?” I implored.

“I just don’ like ih.” She began to tweeze bits of sweetcorn from the food, but only the sweetcorn that had in no way come within any distance or association whatsoever with the horrible, terrible parsley.

Babyled“So what’s your favourite food at home?” I asked.

“Kebabs” she replied.

“Your mummy makes kebabs?”

“No from de chipparse” she replied.

“You like kebabs from the chip shop?

“Yeh s’yummy.” She assumed a hangdog pose, lower lip thrust forward… it was that look that small children make when they’re trying to convey to you that they’re so cruelly starved they’d happily eat a leper’s arse through a hedge (as long as it didn’t have parsley on it).

“But kebabs are full of all sorts of artificial crap, spurious stuff out of cans opened by men with hairy fingers and sweaty arse cracks, you big pink freak!!”

That’s what I didn’t say to her. I just made her a ham sandwich instead which she ate happily and when the children had finished eating, they rushed gaily outside to eat grass soaked in dog pee and to dig up worms and slugs.

Children are so weird.

(img found spuriously via Public School)

Bring on the comments

  1. Brianf says:

    “I don’ like ih.” she folded her arms in a huff and shoved the bowl away with her elbow.”
    Then Brianf turned to her and said,”Look you little shit you’ll eat what’s fuckin’ placed in front of you and you’ll like it. It’s really simple. You see I’m the fuckin’ adult here and you’ll eat what I just made for you or you’re gonna’ fucking’ starve. You get nothing else to eat until you clean your plate.” The small child looked directly in to his eyes and realized that he was serious. She ate the spaghetti and also came to realize that she loves parsley. She went home and asked her mom to put parsley in everything she ate from that day forward.
    It was a simple case of ‘Don’t fuck with me you little shit for brains’
    :)

  2. K8 says:

    Ah, the tough love approach. While this works very well on one’s own children, it’s the wrong political stance to take with other’s. Firstly, I couldn’t give a flying fuck what the child eats as it won’t be me buying spot cream in years to come. Secondly and more importantly, it’s important not to piss the child off, or her parents, as this limits the chance that they’ll take MY brat off my hands for an hour or two in the future. That, in psychological terms, would be known as Major Suckage.

  3. Jo says:

    The silver lining in this post is clearly that you have raised a child who will eat parsley.

    I’ve failed on that one.

  4. K8 says:

    Well no, not as such. There’s a grade of chopped-updedness that needs to be reached before parsley will be eaten, anything too leafy or chunky and it’s flatly refused. Same with spinach. Gah.

  5. Kirk M says:

    “Children are so weird”

    Yes, they are. And we were children once as well. I remember it so well you know. My dad once attempted to force feed me turnips when I was but a wee single digit midget when he knew I couldn’t stand the things. I got him back though–I vomited those turnips right back into his face.

    I never ate turnips again, I’ll tell you what.

  6. i really dont know what would hurt my feelimgs more. the fact that the child didnt try the food or the fact that the child said that she hated the food point blank, I had an experience like that many a time in the resturant trade, i even had one child customer who would only eat tomatoe sauce with pasts. i mean im not being mean when i say this. but i kind of pint the finger of blame to the parents. i think if anything i was raised the right way and i mean the right way i mean if you didnt eat ur dinner u got nothing at all.

    I think if anything have way to much choice, mcdonalds KFC burger king and pizza hut but to name a few are making our children sum what really unhealthy and i think that the old mcdonalds and chipper treats should be taken off the table. I was raised on the old diet of bacon cornbeef and cabbage diet abd it did me fine.

    i think if anyting i made certain diet abd exercise lifestyle choices when i was older and i was able to be heard in my decisions.

    as for kebabs they are seriously not the best thing to gove a child at all. ohh whatever ever happened to the choices of whatever the weekly shop could cater for and FYI that dish that u served the kiddies sounds lovely

  7. K8 says:

    Oh poor wee kiddy Kirk! That whole forcefeeding buzz is just not on. I bet if your daddyo had made the turnips into quirky eyebrows on a dish made up to look like a smiley face, you’d have eaten them. Not only are kids weird, but they’re pretty stupid. :)

    Vicky; I would too absolutely love to get rid of the franchise bullshit, that stuff just isn’t food. But, their legal rights override our national health rights for some reason. Thanks for commenting, sorry you got trapped!!

  8. Who serves parsley to a five year old?

    MONSTER!

    LMAO.

  9. K8 says:

    But I needed something green to cover the fact that I’d sneezed in the food several times by mistake. As you do.

  10. Kirk M says:

    K8 – He could have made them look like a B-29 Super Fortress, I still hated the things. ;-)

  11. K8 says:

    They are a fairly spurious animal though, dem turnips, in all fairness.

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