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Oct 31

Babyniverous

Posted on Sunday, October 31, 2010 in Family, Strange and Unusual

Why is it that when people admire babies, they speak of cannibalism?

It’s happened several times to me and Sir Fartsalot.  A young wan who helps me out with Laughingboy from time to time, she wanted to melt my baby down and spread him on toast.  A neighbour pinched Sir Fartsalot’s leg, and told me she wanted to just sink her teeth into it.  My cousin wants to gnaw on his bellybutton while she watches Coronation Street.

I myself have yearned to chew on his chubby cheeky cheeks from time to time, and I find myself alarmed that nobody finds this disturbing in the slightest.  It’s all so Salad Fingers.

Have you ever witnessed this bizarre behaviour?!?  What does it say about us as a supposedly socially savvy species; that we want to absorb the baby’s purity and digest its essense like the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal, maybe… or maybe we sense that the baby’s flesh is tender meat and we get peckish?  Why people get so vicious when they see a set of baby bobbly toes is beyond me.

I bet it’s just because we want to become one with the purity.  How primeval… but it makes sense to me now.

Never mind!

As you were…

Bring on the comments

  1. Brianf says:

    “Oh he’s so cute I could just eat him up”
    I never did quite understand that one. Still don’t.

  2. Granny says:

    It’s time to defrost the afterbirth.

    A nice curry methinks. Serve it up to the
    worst offenders.

    Later give them a list of ingredients.

    Put them off babies toe-toes for life.

  3. paulo1 says:

    We used to say ” I could eat him/her on toast” about a newborn and I think you nailed it when you said ” we want to become one with the purity”. There’s nothing that brings a tear to the eye like the sight of a tiny helpless human being in desperate need of love and kindness.

  4. puts on cute voice oh my goodness you are so so cute lickle tom i want to eat you up with a spoon. is that waht you mean yeah i never get that thing with people and babies. i have been known myself to fall in love with babies. but as they say i love babies but i could eat a holle one. Oh alright i will admit that this was a bad joke on my half. bur seriously why do people do that and does it scare you when people do that?

  5. K8 says:

    BrianF; It’s fairly barbaric. We can’t cuss in front of them, but it’s okay to talk about cannibalism?

    Granny; Sorry you got trapped, I see what you meant now!!! As for the placenta, I’m saving it for mad scientific experiments when I become old and eccentric.

    Paulo; It’s crazy though, there HAS to be an easier way to protect a baby other than ingesting it!

    Vicki; It’s the multiple ways and methods people come up with of eating babies… that’s fairly scary in a pre-meditated sort of way.

  6. Baino says:

    Haha . . when my sister was a toddler she was wicked cute and the purser on the ship we emigrated on used to slobber all over her saying ‘wannna day I’ma gonna eata that kid” although she did look quite appetising covered in spaghetti sauce.

  7. Holemaster says:

    I’ve witnessed this alright. One of my sisters laments that all our nieces and nephews are too old to have their bums bitten anymore.

    “You used to bite our bums?” they cry.

  8. K8 says:

    Baino; That’s entirely creepy. I won’t sleep tonight after reading that.

    Holemaster; I’ve bitten a few bums in my time, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

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