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Oct 15


Posted on Friday, October 15, 2010 in Strange and Unusual


I think I’ve pissed Buddha off.  I fell in love with the little guy in Thailand, so I brought him home and made a little altar for him in the bog.  He is surrounded by some pine cones which were lovingly painted by a three-year-old girl, a few spiky Chestnut husks and a wee glass butterfly.  A shotglass holds a glob of mála, into this I stick incense, the aroma from which never hurts in bogland.

The thing is, according to behaviours spotted in Thailand I should also be leaving water with him, and tiny plates of food at mealtimes, and chunks of fresh fruit in case he gets the munchies.  I should be stringing garlands of flowers around his neck and I’m guessing that exposing him to my pimply white arse at shower time is right out, considering bare shouldered women are booted right out of their Wats back home with no apologies whatsoever. 

But what happens if you piss off a deity?  When a Thai person finally sinks into their pillow at night after a long slog, then wakes with a start when they realise they forgot to feed Buddha… would they stay sleeping, or would they worry about the starvation of the wee statue and fret and finally get up to do the job, pushed forcibly by unending guilt?  What would their mother-in-law have to say about it?

Something weird lies ahead for me and my pimply arse, I can feel it.  The afterlife will find me on my hands and knees with a toothbrush, or stuck as a mosquito for all eternity.  I can understand now why leaving Thailand with a copy of their deity is illegal, the mass negligence would be catastrophic, resulting in God knows Wat.

If only we Irish had the same sort of adoration in us.  We’d be a whole lot nicer!

Bring on the comments

  1. ahh such a wonderful piece yet again. I have to say i would love to be a budda and there is a general niceness that buuda people have for other. But nope i have to be the busy pushy person who has to be skepital at times. But i am working on being good. I have to be good if for my own sake if anything. You know i do my best to be nice to people. For example i went for coffee the other day and this well idiot came up to me and said your so skinny you need some meat on them bones girly. I just sighed and walked away. after all there would not be much point in telling this perosn that firstly i dont eat meat coz im a veggie one 2 i am not all that skinny i have curves in the right places and 3 could you not loose some of your meat. You see i am very nice to people and at times patient but when you have to deal with certain idiots you tend to just give up all hope.

  2. Baino says:

    Nah the Buddha doesn’t mind, he’s got plenty of spare tyres to keep him going. And he’s well, enlightened you know.

  3. Brianf says:

    Oh Bof!!
    Idol worship? Has it come to that?
    Be a good and moral person and you’ll do just fine but you already know that.
    Hi K8!

  4. Brighid says:

    Buddha would never add to your troubles, nor would he have allowed you to remove him to your bog if it wasn’t meant to be. Worry not, ooooohhhhmmmmm…

  5. K8 says:

    Vikki; All you need to do is say… ‘at least I can put weight on, you’re stuck with that face forever!’ heheh

    Baino; I still feel I owe him at LEAST a mars bar for being so tolerant.

    The Fitzer’s back! Yaaaay! I’m STILL working on that package for you, haven’t forgotten. It’s just that Semtex is really expensive these days.

    Brighid; Your comment is so Zen! I defy anyone not to read the last part out loud :)

  6. unstranger says:

    Wat’s the world coming to at all?

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