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Sep 19

Jehovah’s Witnesses – My Dirty Little Secret

Posted on Sunday, September 19, 2010 in Family, Humourarse, Strange and Unusual

There are many places in this house that escape my cleaning routine.  I may visit them twice a year, maybe not at all; the greasy crevice between the oven and the cabinets being one such place for instance.  Euughh.

Another would be the place behind the giant shoe-box underneath our bed, apparently.

I spotted the glossy magazines while searching for spare change this morning, they grabbed my interest as a very strange place to keep magazines, so I pulled them out to have a better look.  I turned page after page in total shock at both the images, and the fact that each page was so well-worn and crumpled by such apparently sweaty eager hands.  I felt so confused and dirty at having found TAT’s little secret, and wondered what I should do with it.

See, I understand that a lot of men hide porn from their wives and I would be delighted if these magazines indeed were porn, but they weren’t porn at all, they were five different issues of WATCHTOWER, a Jehovah’s Witness rag that usually finds its way into the recycle bin around here (away with your claims of oozing purity!  I reserve the right to be a total fuck-up, thank you very much!).

So what am I to do?  Am I to throw the magazines on the coffee table in fury during a dramatic confrontation with TAT over a dirty-great-big fry-up one morning?

“WHAT’S THIS?!?”  I might scream…  “IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT?  AM I NOT MEETING YOUR NEEDS HERE OR WHAT??  ARE YOU TALKING TO STRANGE MEN AT THE DOOR BEHIND MY BACK NOW, IS THAT IT??”

…and so on and so forth.

No, that seems too much like hard work.  Instead I shall tell all his friends so that they may look upon him with great awe and ridicule, for that is what it is all about, for God is a woman and likes wine and has a sense of humour about these things.

(I hope!)

See you in Hell.

xx

me

Bring on the comments

  1. Granny says:

    Start worrying when he buys a new suit, or
    God forbid, a shirt and tie!

  2. Grandad says:

    This is really serious. He is definitely straying from the Path of The Righteous. I shall have to drop over and have a severe word with him, and lend him a box load of my real hard core stuff [that Yer Ma never found].

  3. He’ll never live that down! :) It reminds me of a party I went to a few months ago. I was caught in the kitchen fixing a proper cup of tea. This in and of itself is not a bad thing, but where I live drinking hot tea is considering gay or overly weird. I’m still berated about that whenever I see me mates. :)

  4. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (At your tactics)

  5. K8 says:

    Granny; His hair is pretty long now, almost Jesus length. I think a suit is the last of my concerns.

    Grandad; Would that be the stuff I found hidden inside the piano? I don’t think he swings that way.

    Jeffo; Ha! You should introduce them folk where you live to a shipyard beardy bloke from Glasgow. He’d set them straight pretty sharpish… our Isles are built on a strong hot ‘alf a cup.

    Susie; heehee XD

  6. Jo says:

    Bahaha, and you were worried you had no good posts left!

    My house is almost entirely made up of those cleaning black spots, btw.

    I saw a space filler product that does away with the greasy oven crevice online at some point. Clever!

  7. unstranger says:

    Jehova’s Witnesses are surely amongst the world’s great idiotic fantasists.
    And as for Jesus’s long hair; how do know he wasn’t bald?

  8. K8 says:

    Jo :) Handy. I wonder if that stuff works on teeth, too.

    Unstranger; I’m picturing dreads, meself.

  9. yeah, I would be greatly disturbed by that. Especially if I found it beside the toilet. Cause that is where MPS does all his deep thinking.

  10. K8 says:

    Handy if you run out of bogroll though.

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