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Jul 29

Stop playing with yourself Daddy

Posted on Thursday, July 29, 2010 in Family, On the box, Rantings, Strange and Unusual

‘There’s an app for that’. You know that ad on the telly (there’s an app for that too) for iPhones which shows all the fantabulous (there’s an app for that) things that it can do? I don’t have an iPhone, but TAT does… I’m sure it’s lovely but if it won’t flip sausages while I colour in pictures of Spongebob, I have no interest.

He won’t go to the toilet without it now. We walk past distant gunfire, waiting for our turn on the loo while TAT conquers spy allies. Sometimes he catapaults birds. Puppychild has to thump loudly and tell him to stop playing with himself frequently which is wrong in so many ways.

“It won’t wipe your arse though will it?” I scoff at him when he finally emerges with a burnt matchstick and a pins-and-needles limp. “No app for that, is there?”

It’s all very affecting, this waiting around for TAT and his crapps. I don’t know if there’s a helpline, but I’m pretty sure there’s an easy way to look for one if there is.

Bring on the comments

  1. Granny says:

    Yuk! Would you allow them hands to toss your


  2. Holemaster says:

    Angry Birds game. I know it well. I’m nearly at three stars for every level. Luckily I’m the only one in my place so the loo has become another sitting room.

    I know, sitting room could be something entirely different with one extra letter.

  3. K8 says:

    Granny; They’ve tossed worse in the past.

    Holemaster; Spitting room? I should confess to a mild addiction to Angry Birds too… if only for the sound effects. :)

  4. Jo says:

    Holy Crap! The popcorn popper? How????????

    It’s not real, is it?

  5. K8 says:

    Fierce handy on camping trips if it was!!!

  6. Jo says:

    You wouldn’t want it going off in your pocket though. Never mind the radiation, that would mean toasted testes for sure…

  7. K8 says:

    Flame retardant Y-fronts, now free with every iPhone!

  8. Baino says:

    I kid you not, I know a woman who goes to meetings and sits on her phone. I think she likes the buzz.

  9. K8 says:

    Isn’t that one of those things we all do but don’t admit to? I’m glad it’s not just me.

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