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May 28

Storm in a G cup

Posted on Friday, May 28, 2010 in Family, Strange and Unusual

I need scaffolding, badly.  My boobs were starting to clap with every footstep, it’s not the sort of applause I’m used to.  Plus, one morning while getting out of the shower I actually drop-kicked one.  I knew it was time for professional help.

Puppychild held Sir Fartsalot for dear life while the boutique assistant rummaged through cabinets full of bra boxes.  I shuffled cotton like an Amsterdam pro and called out letters of the alphabet while Puppychild watched in awe,  I worried if she’d be asking her schoolteacher some time in the future what words begin with double D.

Anything above a cup size E must officially be classed as industrial when it comes to nursing bras.  I watched with dismay as the pretty lacy black numbered drawer was shut and the plain white Fs were dragged out, but even they were no use.  She tucked me into a G and sighed with relief.  Her work here was done, bar a quick attempt to sell me two of them which was fruitless as I found out how much each bra cost.

€52?!?  Is there a milking pump built in?  Do I get a slave that’ll follow me around and prop them up for me?  No!  Oh well.  At least I’ve somewhere to put my spare change now.

Photobucket

It could always be worse I suppose.

Bring on the comments

  1. Granny says:

    Just throw your Josies over yer shoulder and get on with it Missus,do not attempt this while Thomas is latched on!

  2. Jo says:

    Ah. Anita bras, with plastic underwires for breastfeeders. Lovely, and really good. Same price, though, I suspect. And they only sell the white ones in Irish shops, as mammies must be desexualised in white lace.

    BUT, there is figleaf.com and bravado.com or just search for anita nursing bras.

  3. Baino says:

    Hmm not nursing but still need an over shoulder boulder holder! That’s a very disturbing piece of art there missus!

  4. €52!? I feel cheap now lol. I would pay more for bras (hello carboard penneys bras) but they’re probably gonna end up on the back of a 46a somewhere so why bother like?
    That picture is em.. lovely? :D

  5. That photo really is quite disturbing, but then again so is drop kicking your own boob. Not a problem that I familiar with, being a B cup. I am going for an A, since an A sounds so much better than a B.

  6. Holemaster says:

    You can make a kid’s swing out of it when you get back to normal.

    €52 though. Jesus.

  7. K8 says:

    Granny; Tying them in a knot also works.

    Jo; Oh brilliant, thank you. Lacy scaffolding lives!

    Baino; Be thankful we only have the two (or occasionally three?) boobs, see.

    JohnPlayerPlz; That was you making all that racket at the back of the bus! I was the one rolling doobies up the front. :-p

    Don’t Bug Me! Alpha boob :)

    Holemaster; It’ll be a black market boob job when normal happens… may’s well get me money’s worth sure.

  8. How do you not topple over? Perhaps you need some weights on your back to like, even it out and shizzle…

    G? Oh girl…

  9. unstranger says:

    That’s a definite rip-off shop. Never buy there. They should be boycotted.

  10. A fucking G? Holy shit, girl. Those babies are worth every cent, believe me.

  11. K8 says:

    Kelly; Sadly, my arse balances things out nicely. Nature is a sadistic bitch sometimes.

    Unstranger; They’re all the same! Clever baxters have spotted a niche in the market, dammit.

    English Mum; They are worth it, it’s true. They also make excellent slingshots for neighbourhood cats.

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