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Feb 14

Valentine musings from the overworked and underpaid

Posted on Sunday, February 14, 2010 in Family, On the box, Philosophy

Valentine’s day has always annoyed me a bit.  As a late-blooming teenager I had always hoped that an anonymous card would find its way through my letterbox intented for my spotty four-eyed face, but it never did.  One year an anonymous card did appear, but it was addressed to Billy Burn who lived at the other end of my road.  A set up most likely… possibly by Billy himself, more likely by somebody else who wanted a cheap laugh.  I can’t remember whether I delivered it or not, I hope in hindsight that I stuffed it into the exhaust-pipe of his dad’s car, but that’s unlikely.

Since starting on the sordid path of dating, it’s just gone from one extreme to the other… lavender-filled balloons and cheesy teddybears with crappy slogans like ‘You to me are like a spanner; every time I see you, my nuts tighten‘ were given to my by fellas who wanted to know what colour my knickers were, and when I finally hooked up with TAT, I got little or nothing.  I prefer little or nothing by far.

This year, Laughingboy showed his love for me by producing a hefty dump in his nappy in the small hours of the morning.  When I checked his schoolbag for baby-wipes, I found a sweet glitterish heart-shaped card with painty fingerprints all over it, and a wee bag of homemade chocolates.  I let Puppychild show her love for her daddy by jumping on him violently at 5pm to wake him up for his night-time shift.  TAT showed his love for me by reading me excerpts from Bill Bryson’s ‘The Lost Continent’ while I scraped eggy gunge from lunchtime kitchen saucepans, and I showed him my love for him by buying him an extremely violent Xbox game – ‘Army of Two, the 40th day’ – a shoot-em-up game that can only be played by in co-op with another.  (What could be more romantic than annihalating things together over a glass of wine?)

I will be celebrating my love for myself tonight by lying on the wooden floor and listening to John Coltrane surrounded by candles for an hour or two before digging into a can of Guinness and a game of Assassin’s Creed.

Hallmark didn’t get a brass cent.  Ha.

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Bring on the comments

  1. Kirk M says:

    ‘You to me are like a spanner; every time I see you, my nuts tighten‘??!!?

    WAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGASPGACK!wheeezegroan-die…Ah, whoo, ha,whee,ogg, pant-pant…Jesus! (wipes eyes)

    Ah, well…Happy Valentines Day, K8.

    Roses are red
    and violets is purple.
    You’re real sweet…
    …like maple syrple.

  2. Baino says:

    Haha . . sounds perfect actually apart from the eggy bit.

  3. Sharon says:

    I can completely agree. I have never been much for Valentine’s Day and as a single mother, I get wet, smudgy kisses and that’s about all. I far prefer the reality of those kisses from my son to the half-hearted pretence that Hallmark tries to make us dance around to!

  4. Brianf says:

    Happy Ash Wednesday!

  5. K8 says:

    Kirk- Heehee, we Irish are about as subtle as a concrete wall.

    Baino- Cheesy scrambled eggs… ALMOST worth it.

    Sharon- Thanks for commenting! You’re dead right, those are wise words. I shudder to think how many homeless teddybears there are today as a result of this mess.

    Brianf- You too bud! (I wonder how many people stick their fingers up the chimney and self-smudge in the name of seeming pure?!?)

  6. unstranger says:

    I think I know Peggy!

  7. K8 says:

    Ha! Me too – I like to send her hate mail to even things up a bit.

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