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Feb 8

Snail Trail

Posted on Monday, February 8, 2010 in Family, Jobs

As I bent over the bathroom sink scraping snot off Puppychild’s school jumper’s sleeve with a toothbrush (her own toothbrush – heh heh), it struck me that I was in a timeless club of parents who, since the birth of school uniforms, are cursed with the plight of snail-trail sleeves.

It also struck me that there is a sad lack of evolution in the school jumper trade.  A row of buttons has foiled the snot wiping technique in blazers and shirts since what… the 20’s?  Surely it snot too hard to find some sort of equivalent for jumpers and tracksuit tops?

And while they’re at it, what’s wrong with stitching a thumb-hole into school jumpers to save the wearer hours of labour trying to gouge one out with an overbitten thumb-nail?  TAT bought a jumper recently from TK Maxx with such a thumb hole already stitched in… that impressed me no end, but then again I’m fierce easy to amuse these days…

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Bring on the comments

  1. Would buttons stop them? I’ve seen them do it somewhere between their elbow and their shoulder if their hands are too busy for them to wipe on their lower arms.

    Kids have a weird relationship to snot. One boy told my friend last week that he couldn’t put his hand over his mouth when he sneezed because he’d get the germs back – apparently it’s best to sneeze on the floor because the floor will be cleaned and the germs will be disposed of. Can’t beat kid logic.

  2. Maybe we should embrace the snot, and sew in a snot coloured camouflage sleeve hanky.

  3. Baino says:

    Eeuuwww. . .not the snail trails. However picking one’s nose is a very satisfying experience as long as you wipe it on a tissue and not under the coffee table.

  4. Jo says:

    I’ve heard that the consumption of snot is beneficial to the immune system… killed bacteria etc.

    Love your toothbrush revenge, innovative on both counts, and of course, good for her immune system :)

  5. Strange how cultures differ. Here in the land of the permanent T-shirt, children do not use their arms to wipe their noses on, they simply use their hands to push the snot up and onto their forehead and into their hair. At the end of the day you have a little tribe of were-pigs with hair straight out of “Something About Mary.”

    Then, when they get a bit older, that evolves into hawking loogies. For the boys, that is. Well, some of the girls, too. Yes, I’m still traumatized by running into the girl’s lacrosse team at the Fledgling Sparrow’s Uni last night :::shudders:::

  6. Martin says:

    Silver sleeved uniforms, I’m investing in a sewing machine.

  7. Holemaster says:

    When I read the bit in Angela’s Ashes where the Dad sucks the snot out of his child’s nose I nearly puked on the spot.

  8. Martin says:

    Holemaster – I know a guy who was doing that just last week. When he said it I nearly gagged.

  9. K8 says:

    Jenny- That must be why they make school floor tiles pre-speckled!

    JB- See now that’s what I’m talking about! Why fight nature?! Adapt I say!!

    Baino… or on a wall. I once found a snot wall under my boss’ desk… he obviously didn’t expect me to be rooting around his PC tower! I could’ve blackmailed a raise out of him for that, but didn’t think of it at the time, dammit.

    Jo; That does make odd sense! Like peeing in bathwater for the good of one’s skin… how healthy we’d be if it wasn’t for our sense of decency!

    Fat Sparrow- I knew a kid with a snot mohawk once… funniest damn thing I’ve ever seen. Nothing like re-cycled body effluence!

    Martin- Genius! Can also double-up as somewhere to keep one’s school lunch…

    Holemaster – WHAT?!?! I’m pretty sure most animals won’t even do that. Shared genetics or not, it’s just WRONG. Jeez. What must they think of us?

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