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Jan 29

Cheese before bedtime

Posted on Friday, January 29, 2010 in Strange and Unusual

Last night, as I drifted off to sleep I was visited by a tall Greek Adonis with four tongues and two penises.  He had an imagination that had no limits, and was as flexible as an Olympic gold medalist.

Somewhere deep in the night, I was roused from sleep by my cat, who was sitting on the doorstep and rowring through the letterbox loudly.  Rather than get out of my bed, I asked the Adonis to let the cat in seeing as he was closer.  Unfortunately, being that he was a figment of imagination, he lacked the opposing thumbs necessary to un-do a deadbolt… so I had to do it myself.

When you spend the night nagging your sexual fantasies about how bloody useless they are… that’s when you know your hormones are in serious jeopardy.

Bring on the comments

  1. Baino says:

    Ha . .beats dreaming about driving Echos up the east coast of the US at 10kms an hour,dropping babies and your teeth falling out! Opposable thumbs should never be underrated.

  2. Jo says:

    Lol, poor Kate.

    Equally annoying is the ‘No! We mustn’t! For I am married!’ thing that kicks in at the most irritating dream moments. Subconscience?

  3. K8 says:

    Baino; Yes, definitely beats drowning children and pulling teeth… I sometimes wonder if going to sleep at all is a good idea. If only we could just plug ourselves into a wall socket to re-charge.

    Jo; Ah but in dreamland, husbands never say no to a threesome with another bloke! Heeee…

  4. unstranger says:

    Feck! I seldom remember my dreams – but sometimes I do. Pity you had to wake up so soon. Hate that.

  5. Oh, you jammy bastard. I always have guilt when I have those kinds of dreams, serious guilt, and it’s not my fault I dream about Simon Pegg, I swear it isn’t, it was just a few photo sites of him before I went to bed!

    The only thing worse is getting the ride of your life off your husband and suddenly the sprog pops up beside the bed and says “What are you doing?”

    And that’s why we don’t have any more children.

  6. Kirk M says:

    Next time tell old Adonis (or your imagination–either one) to grow a couple of arms before he decides to drop by next time. Sheesh, talk about useless.

  7. K8 says:

    Unstranger; Yes I seriously considered turning the cat into a nice pair of gloves that night.

    Fat Sparrow; Hot Fuzz had weird effects on me too- quirky is kinky. Totally empathise with you re. kid invasion… I lost the key to my bedroom door too. *sigh*

    Kirk M; Ah, it makes a nice change to be able to nag someone new for a while.

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