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Jan 17

Bend over and show me your dark side

Posted on Sunday, January 17, 2010 in Rantings, Strange and Unusual

I just love to have the shit scared out of me.  I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s because I was never allowed to watch ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ as a kid – perhaps the curiosity became addictive in some way?  Or it could be some genetic throwback from a previous life as a cave-dude, constantly looking for challenges.  Fuck knows.  I’m warped, with a curious fascination for oddities and the macarbe.  It will be written on my tombstone.

Like this Thing in a Jar, for instance.  When I found this website it gave me an itch to make a Thing in a Jar all for myself to store in the fridge and keep family members and Social Workers on their toes.  It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

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“Does it go well with pasta?”

So, after a tough day’s bleaching and marinading and entertaining small people, I want to sit down and watch something intensely creepy and mindlessly horrific on TV to relax – that’s not so much to ask, is it?  It just doesn’t happen though.  Yeah, sure, there might be some horror flick on or other, but bar ‘The Host‘, they’re all pretty same-ish.  There is a television show called ‘Scariest Places on Earth’ which would be right up my alley, if it wasn’t so shite.  They pick a family full of whiners and handbag clutchers and ship them off to haunted castles and make them stay there with cameras strapped to their faces for the night.  They move them from room to room and scare the bejeebus out of them with obviously rigged booby-traps.  It’s painful.

They got it right once.  The first time I stumbled across the show, they were running a documentary-type story about the crypts of Paris’ underground.  They made a big deal out of a video-tape they’d allegedly found in a camcorder five levels down, owned by a person who’d obviously gotten lost.  I watched in abject sympathy as this poor fucker almost soiled himself when he realised he was probably stuck in the bowels of Paris with occult symbols, powdered bones and tortured souls for the rest of his short life.  The tape ended as a dark shadow appeared from one end of tunnel, attacked the film-maker and left the camera lying in a puddle recording hair-raising screams receeding into the darkness.

That episode fed my imagination for weeks.  I told every living soul about this amazing TV programme and when I finally got to see it again, it was about the Knobend family and their amazing ability to scare easy.  It’s amazing how many people piss their pants when a wee gizmo they’re holding suddenly starts flashing red lights, though I would absolutely love to be the person that operates that remote control.  Why can’t they just give us the creepy facts, throw in a dodgy ham video and a Thing in a Jar?  Now that would be entertaining.

Bring on the comments

  1. now smiling to myself i will certainly bend over and show you my dark side no problem at all. I have to say i love things all horror related. I am going thru a stephen king related phase at the moment.If you want to get a good fright type in the stephen king book cujo. its one scary book and you can see the review on my blog. I have to say i didnt know what was in that jar and than when it hit me i know what it was. If you want a amighty scare check out the new version of the hills have eyes. Its seriously scary. I remember when i watched it for the first time on film four and i had wee sheps with me on my lap. I screamed at a certain part. to say the least young sheps ran around the room barking. I think hes gets a kick out of protecting me. I know for a fact that he does not like jigsaw from the saw movies for some reason. That video clip of the guys in the g=car with the girl scared me half to death. So thanks for the scare.

  2. unstranger says:

    K8,

    You rock. Love your stuff; totally.

  3. K8 says:

    Vicky; I’m absolutely itching to see/read Cujo, have been for years! I need an official book-list to keep track of these wants.
    The best thing about flicks like ‘The Hills have Eyes’ and ‘Saw’, is the amount of yelling you get to do at the TV… especially when it gets to the part where the victim finally gets to stab the murderer, but won’t finish him off. Some victims just deserve to be victims!

    Thanks Unstranger! It keeps me off the streets at least.

  4. Baino says:

    God I didn’t comment this morning cos I was in a rush but I watched the bloody video didn’t I? Of course I don’t believe in ANY of this shit but I love it. Even went to the super haunted quarantine station a few months back and the guide even knocked on every door before opening it to warn the ghosts. Loved it. Uber spookilicious. Saw is Australian of course, we love chopping up tourists!

  5. holemaster says:

    Mount Jerome is not the place to get stuck in after dark. Very old graves with plenty of subsidence.

  6. K8 says:

    Baino; I didn’t know Saw was Ozzie!! I love Jigsaw’s zero tolerance approach to crime… there really is no end to the warpedness of a director’s brain.
    Everything in the video above is most definately a load of bollocks but it’s lovely to let the brain make of it what it will. I’m probably the only living fan of ‘The Blair Witch Project’ for that reason.

    Holemaster; Cryptastic! I just googled it, it’s beautiful… also nice to know you’re getting a better class of ghost, what what what.

  7. Jo says:

    Agh, I run in the opposite direction! ESPECIALLY when pregnant.

    I am ze wimp.

  8. If i ever get a chance to ever get a copy of cujo you will be the first one well after me to read it. i have just seen 28 days later bloody fantastic film. I heart danny boyle so much right now. i will go and do some research into trying to get a copy of cujo. will keep you updated

  9. good news i have just found a trailer for cujo. go into youtube.com type in cujo and there is a whole lot of clips that you can check out. make sure to click on the stephen king channel. i think you can also buy the book so as soon as i have some free time i will get a copy and you are more than welcome to check it out

  10. K8 says:

    Jo; I’d say a bit of adrenaline does wonders for the unborn ;)

    Vicky; Just watched Danny Boyle’s ‘Millions’ last night… not horror but still an excellent flick! Cheers for tuning me into Stephen King’s youtube channel, I wouldn’t have thought to do that, I’ve no idea why.

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