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Dec 1

Ten things they don’t warn you about before you get pregnant… #2

Posted on Tuesday, December 1, 2009 in Little known facts

(#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7)

The ‘outie’ phenomenon.

Apologies to all Omphalophobics out there… you may want to look away.

Photobucket

It comes as a terrible shock to one day look down at your navel to find that it has turned itself inside-out.  It’s an even greater shock to stick your pinkie finger in there to find there’s a hole that leads to somewhere possibly very intriguing.  Offering to have other people stick their fingers in there is not a good idea… the resulting scream of “EW!!” tends to make the foetus jump, which is a high price to pay for personal sadism.

It makes one realise that there are certain things one shouldn’t do if they ever intend to be pregnant;

– Navel Piercing:  I had my belly button pierced during a rosemantic getaway with my fella once… I did it to soften the pain of his tongue piercing.  I never really wore jewellery in there, it kept getting hooked onto my belt buckle which is not to be sneezed at.  I let the hole close, which never really happens with a belly-button piercing, especially if you get yourself in trouble.  I remember being in labour with my first child, and sharing a room with a young male midwife who almost passed out when he spotted the gaping maw of my self mutilation.   When he asked “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!”, I replied via ventriloquism using the piercing wound.   He was not amused…. not even when I sang ‘Blue Moon’ with it.  Nitrous Oxide is wonderful stuff.

– Tattoos of dolphins ‘jumping over’ your navel:  That is, unless you also like Humpback whales.  Humpback whales who have been through intense orthopaedic surgery, for that matter.  It’s not pretty.  Any sort of tattoo is a bad idea in the belly department for that reason, for while everything else might shrink back to normality, tattoos don’t.  They disobey logic in all its forms… maybe this is where Picasso got his inspiration?

 

Bring on the comments

  1. Grandad says:

    I thought for a brief moment that that was a photograph of a rather impressive boob. Hey ho. Maybe next time?

  2. Granny says:

    Well, you know what causes it now,so stop it!

  3. Baino says:

    I’ve never had an ‘outie’ in my life!

  4. holemaster says:

    That’s the baby’s periscope.

  5. Woo Hoo outies rule. I have an outie belly button but it does annoy me when people or even drunk people always want to touch my outtie, Oh does it come with special powers they would say? Oh i know if i press it a few times will it grand my wishes for me? I just shrug my shoulders and say will it does not come with magical powers one and two it does make wishes come true. Well it makes my wishes come true by telling the idiots of this world to leave my button alone. I have always wanted a piercing in that place but its way to special for me to do that. Oh the pain of it ouch just thinking abut it hurts. My mum told me that the doctor who welcomed me into ths world was quite merry that day he won big on the grand national. But i have to ask the question on why he took it out on me and my little button. (Course update I have finished the coronary heart disease paper Now i am thinking maybe i should be a cardic heart care specialist. Seeing as i know so much about the human heart)

  6. K8 says:

    Grandad; Ah here… I posted a picture of a pair of tits in me last post!
    Don’t wanna get me a bad reputation, yo.

    Granny; Couldn’t help it – the coal man is cute.

    Baino; That’s coz you live in the Southern Hemisphere! Every one knows belly buttons work in reverse there. :-p

    Holemaster; Eep… I’m hatching a wee Stewie Griffin!

    Vicky; Fair play on finishing the paper, well done missuz :) I so wish outies held special powers.

  7. Voodoolady says:

    Hmm, does everyone get one when preggers or is it on a case by case basis?

    As if I need more reasons to not want kids.

  8. Granny says:

    no voodo you have to get one first and that is what makes ya preggers!

  9. Jo says:

    EW!

    Dunno what’s more scary, the stretched piercing hole or you father wishing you had giant boobs… very Amy Winehouse altogether…

  10. Martin says:

    I’m still waiting for the outie to appear.

    I’m going to drag her round the house by it.

  11. K8 says:

    Voodoolady; Ah no, of course everyone’s different, but it’s a regular feature from the expats I’ve spoken to. Don’t knock the outie though, they can be surprisingly entertaining during power-cuts.

    Granny; A turkey baster?

    Jo; Yes it helps to have a strong stomach in this game!

  12. K8 says:

    Martin; That’s the spirit!!!

  13. Grandad says:

    Jo – I said “a” boob, not “her” boob. Wadya take me for?

    [*the things I get accused of! sigh*]

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