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Oct 3

Ham Shank

Posted on Saturday, October 3, 2009 in Family, Strange and Unusual, Taboo

Several highly disturbing thoughts swirl around my head on a daily basis, it seems unfair that I shouldn’t declare at least one of them here;

Laughingboy is but eight years old now, and he will grow into a man, even if this idea seems absurd to me… there’s little I can do to stop this happening.  Men have needs, needs that require locked bathroom doors and copies of Victoria’s Secret.  Laughingboy will have needs too, I get preludes every now and then when I unwrap his nappy of a morning to be greeted by a wee stalker winking at me.  If your average bloke chokes his turkey at least 356 times a year, who’s going to do that for Laughingboy?!?  Do I bring him on holidays to Amsterdam for a month around his birthday to make up for lost time?  Do I put an ad in the local newsagents window for some willing lady to do the job every Tuesday?

I once caught a middle aged lady giving her poodle a ham shank on a park bench one day… I wondered then what would happen if she had a disabled son instead of a stupid looking dog?  Hang on, I just have to go and vomit for a second…

…that’s better.

I wonder if most people in my position would ever think about the dangers of re-absorbed baby-batter and the side-effects thereof, or is it just me?  Mothering is such a weird job sometimes.

Bring on the comments

  1. Grandad says:

    Drop Maxi a line. I’m sure he’ll think of something?

  2. and when you find out, email me.

    Cause just thinking about it does my head in.

    I have a friend who can’t allow women around her 18 year old unsupervised…

  3. Baino says:

    It might sound funny but It’s a real problem! I dont’ envy you having to deal with it!

  4. GrowUp says:

    I’d imagine wet dreams will deal with the issue. The taoists would argue the rest of us are wasting chi anyway.

  5. unstranger says:

    I think this stuff sorts itself out. Every problem has a solution and laughing boy will doubtless surprise you; eventually.

    Excellent video too!

  6. Kirk M says:

    Ah, Kate. It’s no wonder we love you like we do. Only you would actually post about this and not only post about it but provide a lovely video that gets the point across for those of who can’t read.

    I agree with unstranger though so don’t worry about it. And I really wouldn’t recommend contacting Maxi about anything.

  7. K8 says:

    Xbox; Yet you commented anyway! Fair dues. *hug*

    Grandad; You really want Maxi personally involved with your grandson? Ew.

    Kelley; I reckon the answer is just to not think about it, over which I have no control whatsoever.

    Baino; Is it?!?!?! I was just being facetious!! Oh no!!!

    Grow Up; ‘Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great… if a sperm gets wasted, God gets quite irate!’

    Unstranger; That’s the sort of surprise I imagine I could probably do without. *shudder*

    Kirk M; But I’m in the process of creating a new world order with Maxi and a handful of others, so not talking to him is an impossibility, but you’re probably right, we should avoid this subject entirely.

  8. GrowUp says:

    Some fruit flies have sperm that are up to 2 inches long.

  9. Holemaster says:

    You’re refreshingly realistic K8. I’d imagine there’s information online that may help. Just be really careful with the google search terms!!

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