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Sep 2

Anthrophobia

Posted on Wednesday, September 2, 2009 in Family, Strange and Unusual

The Accidental Terrorist wombled into the sitting room this morning as he usually does, making a beeline for the kettle.

“Augh!  This place reeks of piss!” he exclaimed, covering his nose with his fart-soaked dressing gown.

“No it doesn’t!”  I am always in defence of the smell of my house, covering up the reek of wet dog is important to me.

“It does!  It stinks in here!”

“All I can smell are flowers?” I pointed to the vase of white lillies on the table.  He ambled over and inhaled.

“That’s it!” he cried; “get rid of them, they smell like piss!” Irish men are so romantic.

“Wha?  They smell like lillies – unmistakably floral… what’s wrong with you?  Hash plants smell like piss!  Unfortunately there aren’t any in here though.”

“Hash plants smell lovely!”  he retorted.

“No, they’re renowned… they smell like cat’s piss.”

“Rubbish.”

It was one of those arguments.  I offered the suggestion that perhaps he was smelling by association, that it’s common to find white lillies in hospitals which do invariably smell like piss, especially in Ireland.  That didn’t work.  I offered to collect a specimen of piss in a jar so that he could compare aromas, but he declined.

I’ve come to the conclusion that TAT’s nose has been eternally screwed up from the C.S. gas he was tortured with during his training in the army, and there’s nothing I can do.

I’m going out for the day, I’m going to fuck with his head by placing bowls of dogshit in hidden spots around the room.  Purely in the name of scientific experimentation, of course.

Bring on the comments

  1. Hails says:

    I have to agree with TAT. White lillies are on my top ten list of Smells I Absolutely Detest. Or at least, they would be if I had such a list. Oooohhh. Maybe I’ll make such a list on my blog. Blimey, I am one hell of an entertaining writer. :)

  2. […] Ten: Worst Smells Posted on September 2, 2009 by Hails K8’s other half has been complaining about the smell of the magnificent White […]

  3. Cathy says:

    I’m with TAT and Hails. The smell of lilies early in the morning is also on my list.

  4. I have to agree with him, some flowers should never be picked.

  5. K8 says:

    Woah… so lillies are most definately a subjective smell – considering they’re so popular that’s pretty interesting! Tarmac, hops, marmite, and lillies… all on the love ’em or hate ’em list. Weird.

    I’ve never googled a smell before, but a search came up with:

    “The flowers of the Madonna lily have a very sweet, heavy floral,honey like fragrance with a short cresylic, ylang ylang like topnote and, at other times of the day, a suave, balsamic sweet fragrance.”

    Its oils are used as perfume bases apparently.

    ‘Coco-Chanel… a woody passionate aroma of pish’

  6. Lilies look beautiful, but stink.

    And incidentally, somewhat related-ish, apparently a freshly released egg actually released a scent which draws sperm, and the scent is supposedly similar to lily of the valley.

  7. Tinman18 says:

    I got given out to by the girls at work for saying that “lilies smell like dead people”.

    I meant to say they remind me of funerals, but actually think what I said by accident is better.

  8. Well this is an eye-opener. I *LOVE* lilies and their smell, and don’t find them piss-like at all. When we have them in the house I stand over them and can’t get enough.

    Now I’ll think twice before ever giving them to someone, I suppose!

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