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Jul 13

Why are you making that noise with your throat, mummy?

Posted on Monday, July 13, 2009 in Family

I was having a nap on the couch after dinner yesterday afternoon, cuddling into the Puppychild and dreaming of Spongebob.  Suddenly Puppychild got thirsty and began to bug me in my dozy state for milk, but I was having none of it.

“You go get the milk, it’s in the fridge, your juice bottle’s on the table.”

Puppychild ambled away and I dozed off again.

A few seconds later, she re-interrupted my dreams of Cartoonito by shoving her juice bottle in my face, announcing that she had some yummy milk for me and I, in my thirsty haziness took the container gratefully and began to drink.

My senses exploded my awareness into full alert, my oesophagus opened and took no responsiblity for what was about to happen.

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“Bluergh…”  I ran to the sink and spat, spat again, rinsed, spat, then spent a few minutes trying desperately to keep my steak dinner down.  Puppychild watched with great amusement.

Once the gag reflex had subsided and my mouth was mine once more, I asked the kid what the mysterious substance was. She opened the fridge and showed me the carton of buttermilk dated 11th March 2009 that I’d been too afraid to open and re-cycle.  Completely and utterly my own fault.

“It’s yummy banana milk mummy!”

It was not yummy banana milk.  It was way past sour, we are talking cheese culture territory here.  It was a substance that tasted something between gism and liquid brie, and would not remove itself from my taste buds for several hours.  The memory of my swallowing it haunted me like that of a sixteen year old after a debs ball, but hold it down I did, and for that I was proud.

Note to self;

#1 – Throw out things after they expire, no matter how gicky they might seem, for sooner is most definitely better than later.

#2 – Never accept any substance from a pre-schooler.

#3 – Never accept any substance from anyone until I am fully awake.

Lesson learned.

Bring on the comments

  1. Granny says:

    Shucks!… I advised her to give you parazone, if you fall asleep on the job dont’t come to us!

  2. Oh dear. That’s as funny as it is yucky.

    Funnyucky.

    I had a much milder version of that this morning. I woke up to the one year old sticking her bottle in my mouth. But it was only last night’s milk I got a sup of so wasn’t too bad.

    (No she doesn’t just wander around the house in the morning with her bottle, she ended up in the bed in the middle of the night and the bottle was within reach this morn).

  3. holemaster says:

    Only one thing worse than that, swigging the wrong beer, the warm one with the buts in it.

    Blek and double blek.

  4. Maxi Cane says:

    Coincidentally, I’ve been told my gism tastes like brie and buttermilk. Same consistancy too.

  5. K8 says:

    Granny; I swallowed parozone once in an effort to cure a chest infection. It’s not so bad.

    John B; Would that be boob juice or formula or should I ask (yes there’s a HUGE difference)?

    Holemaster; Eeheeheeheewwwwwww. Carbon is good for you.

    Maxi; You need to eat more fruit in consideration for your Jelly Monster. Yes it makes a difference!

    Grandad; Spunk. Baby batter. Love butter. Spooge. Demon Seed. Man juice. Baby gravy. Boner juice… etc.

  6. Grandad says:

    You have lost me. Is this something you learned in university?

  7. K8 says:

    Nope… that’s what you get for introducing the internet to me at such an impressionable age.

  8. unstranger says:

    Lord lantern Jesus!

    And here was I thinking families like this were mere fictitious thingys that get shown on TV soaps!!

  9. OMG. I nearly gagged. That’s as bad as when one of my brother’s minging girlfriends informed me that she ‘got a dissolvable stitch in her mouth’ after he had to have an op ‘down there’. Bleurghhhhhh

  10. And I can’t believe you’ve just had to explain what gism is to yer old man. Beyond funny.

  11. Doc says:

    16, huh?

    ; ‘ )

  12. You know, I have a fairly good gag tolerance, EXCEPT for visions of people puking.

    gets me every time.

    vile that was.

  13. Brianf says:

    I am quietly chuckling to myself, seeing how I am at work, you see. That is just too too funny. It reminds me of my son at 4 or 5 years old coming up to me and saying…Come see what I did Daddy! A phrase that can strike fear into the heart of the stoudest man. You got your lesson learned the hard way. Don’t worry there will be more.

  14. Baino says:

    God, gism and runny bree . .see that’s why you should never . . oh never mind. *must throw out that custard that’s been in the fridge since May*

  15. JD says:

    Yikes! Nothing worse than spoiled milk! I’m sure spoiled buttermilk is even worse.

  16. Jo says:

    I thought it was jism.

    This reminds me of the time I staggered to the fridge and grabbed the bottle of ballygowan, not noticing it was mayonnaise based salad dressing. Gah.

    How did you not puke up your dinner? The horrors…

    IT’s times like those you need to swallow your recycling guilt and throw the whole thing in the bin, unopened.

  17. Kate says:

    I’ll second that Jo – it would have been in the landfill bin – well hidden but definitely there,,,

    I cleared my fridge this morning (she said with halo shining) well, it was wheelie collection day and there were some wheelie furry things that needed throwing out (see the halo doesn’t stay in place for long!!!

  18. Granny says:

    You is gettin coffee mocha cake tomorrow at the Manor, all are welcome to Kate’s party, the big 30!Now that should take the nasty taste away and no cake for Puppychild. Now what shall we wash it down with?

  19. Grandad says:

    Now what shall we wash it down with?

    A pint of Gism? [Whatever that is]

  20. Kirk M says:

    Oh,hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha-gasp-gackle-gaarggh-choke-wheeze-eep-faint-die!

  21. Kirk M says:

    That’s what I get for laughing. Bye now.

  22. Brett says:

    The saying goes that “There’s a book inside all of us”, well here is a chance to let your book out. The wonderful people over at Blurb have given me 3 vouchers worth £30 off a Blurb book and to be in with a chance at winning all you need to do is pop over to my blog 365 to 42 and follow the instructions.

  23. Natalie says:

    What a post to come back to! Yuk, yuk and YUK. Maxie really does not have to share so freely…..my worst eating experience to date was a teaspoon FULL of blackberries as a naive 9 year old which was actually caviar.

  24. Kirk M says:

    Natalie – Not exactly what you were expecting?

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