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Jul 4

Men may be the head of the household, but women have the neck.

Posted on Saturday, July 4, 2009 in Family, Jobs, Rantings

Something pissed me off last week.  More than anything has pissed me off in ages, in fact.  It was a stupid thing, borne of stupidity and stupid circumstances.

It was a text message from Carpenter Dude, and the translation from TAT… something along the lines of ‘woman… know your place’.  I don’t know, I wasn’t about to read the text.

What you have, my loyal readers, is ‘one of the lads’, I’m a girl’s girl, but also a man’s girl.  I’m in that lucky 50-50 position.  I play poker and Playstation and the  Sexbox and I change tyres by the roadside in the rain quite happily (who doesn’t like wet nuts?).  I also like small fluffy animals and am quite partial to a well designed pair of funky shoes.  50 – 50.  Most of the company I keep is of the male persuasion, but I have an ultimately female neighbour (with wine) to maintain the balance, a perfect existence for me.

Paint and hinges threw that the fuck out of whack however.

Hinges are hinges.  Some are easy, some you have to hang, then re-measure and re-screw and then re-measure and re-screw again.  Carpenter Dude did not like the fact that I knew this, Carpenter Dude is oldskool.  This was not my place.  He also did not like the fact that I don’t like white.  When new unit #2 was installed and I returned from my (ever so kind) escapist ventures from drillage and sawing hell, only to find that everything had been coated with white gloss, I ventured an alternative opinion.

Woman, know your place.

Colour is bad.  So is feminism, but it also has its place.

It’s interesting though, from a vox-pop of everyone who visits my house, it seems that the only people who like white, are mothers, mother-in-laws, and blokes.  Whearas the first two are to be expected, I’m surprised at the blokes, especially TAT, a man who once painted the entire inside of his bachelor pad in gloss marijuana green.

I’m told not to go out and buy paint, to leave it to the men to decide.

Fuck that.

I went to my neighbour’s house, she fed me with Vodka and Ginger, she told me that while men may be the head of the household, women are always the neck… we can turn that head in whichever direction we choose.  She also told me that should my dog ever die of poisoning, I should stay the fuck away from my house.  She is indeed a very wise woman.

To that effect, I’ve gotten busy not with paint, but with Paintshop.  Why trawl aroud Woodies with swatches when I can just get pissed on Guinness and fart around with a computer program?

This is my living room as she is now…

control

As boring as the subject may be, it’s my living room, my obsession, my need to be different.  White just doesnt’ match!  Twenty minutes on Photoshop has spewed forth this:

brown1

green1

mahogany1

red1

yellow1

Nothing grabs my interest yet, but it’s early days.

Woman might be good at darning socks and making babies and cooking, but if Carpenter Dude ever wants free website from Woman, Carpenter Dude can whistle.

Bring on the comments

  1. I know my place – it is wherever I want it to be. If I want to be the head, I am the head, if I want to be the neck, then I am the neck. But I am always in control, unless I can’t be arsed or I really don’t get care and then Mr. DBM gets to do whatever he likes. As for paint colours – never let a man choose, I swear that they are all colour blind.

  2. Baino says:

    I like white *sob* Sorry hun but I can’t work out what he’s ‘hingeing’ is he building the entertainment unity thing. If you’re fond of the green fireplace, I’d work with variations and complimentary colours however . . .and a big HOWEVER . .fuck off the carpenter. What a wanker! Wouldn’t last an hour in my house with comments like that . “Woman know your place”? Damn right, it’s at the top of the heap so give the arsehole the flick and employ a chick.

  3. Oh no he didnt. I would kick anyone ass if they said that to me. Oh wait it actually happened a little while back. I was hanging out with a male mate talking about the rugby and this idiot of an old man came up to me and said that women know nothing about the rugby. So i just gave him a look of pity and i told him that i would grand slam his ass anytime. I hate men like that. Dont mind him hes a right jerk.

  4. Granny says:

    The fireplace is the focus in the room, the colour of the units should fade into neutral so as not to clash! White, mushroomy is yer only Man in a smallish space. Finish the units yourself, I shall talk you throug it!

  5. Holemaster says:

    I have a mate who more or less does what his wife says. He’s very happy man.

  6. Brianf says:

    Timely post. I’m going to paint my living room at the end of the summer and I have already decided on some variation of white. Currentlt it is painted a very pale green. Not so bad but it needs updated. I have a brick fireplace and a persian rug and lots of dark wood furniture so I don’t want to walls to be a distraction. White it is.

  7. Granny says:

    Very country Brian, cool and classy!

  8. K8 says:

    Don’t Bug Me; ‘Unless I couldn’t be arsed’ – heehee… I’m getting close to that territory.

    Baino; Can’t fuck off the carpenter… he’s doing everything for free (bar the cost of supplies)! I’m just pissed off because he’s an old friend and it’s the last thing I would have expected, dammit.

    Vicky; Haha – euphamisms, never thought of that! Next time he gives me lip I’ll threaten to hammer his Philips head home for him.

    Granny; Good idea… I’ll have a dose of magic mushrooms and re-assess the situation.

    Holemaster; She must have witty comeback skillz. Mine desert me at the last second!

    Brianf; See, you live in a classic house, it’s been around so muted colours would work. I live in a concrete jungle… there most definitely aren’t enough colours around here. I think I’m meant for life in Jamaica half the time.

  9. Granny says:

    You need a good slap! your house is end of small estate of twenty five houses, there are lush green fields to the left and right out front, raised flower beds awash with shrubs, Remember how she could not wait to move into said house, I rest my case…..

  10. K8 says:

    She’s not complaining about the house… she just thinks there’s enough beige in the world. So many people settle for plain and normal, I just don’t get it.

  11. Grandad says:

    She has become the Third Person??

    For God’s sake just paint the feckin’ things white. You should know from your childhood that decades of cigarette smoke soon give it that beautiful golden tinge.

  12. […] I went on a rather anal whinge about home decoration… there really are too many shades of paint to choose […]

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