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May 31

My Bladder is taking the piss

Posted on Sunday, May 31, 2009 in Family, Little known facts, Strange and Unusual

I’m sure you’ve heard dodgy stories about toilets in Thailand.  Yes, they are porcelain holes in the ground.  That I can deal with.  It’s the lack of toilet-tissue I have problems with.  Because their sewer system can’t handle solid matter other than the obvious, they supply the user with a hose fixed to the wall beside the unit and the rest, my friends, is up to your hands and your imagination.  A nation of drip-driers who most likely go commando?  I thought it rude to ask.

That was all well and good until TAT and I visited a bamboo tattoo studio on our penultimate day and spent the whole day being tapped to death, but that’s for another post.  The bog in that place was the weirdest of all.  A tiny cubicle, no hose, no toilet paper, just a bricked-up shower cubicle, an enormous spider skulking the doorframe, and a huge batik wall hanging depicting Metallica crossing over through the doorways of hell.  It was all very charming until I realised a day too late that this bathroom was also E-coli heaven.

Yes, poor K8 the Gr8 spent the entire 22 hour flight home with crossed legs and crossed eyebrows and curled toes, praying teary-eyed at regular intervals for the seat-belt sign to be switched off, and convincing perplexed airline staff that peeing during take-off and rough turbulence is easy-peasy.  Bloody Nazis and their safety regimes.

So, other than the fact that it’s sunny in Ireland for a change and it’s a crime to spend time indoors on blogs, this here website has been quite quiet.  Sorry about that.  Normal stories of deep-fried maggots, strange tattoos and Ladyboys will resume shortly, as well as a wee anecdote about how I was propositioned by a lesbian hooker if you’re very very good.

In the meantime, here’s a dodgy photo just begging for a caption;

tigers

Bring on the comments

  1. Maxi Cane says:

    I can’t remember if I congratulated you or not, so Congratulations!!

    The variation of pussy slogans for that picture are just too easy…..

    I’m looking forward to hearing stories about ladyboys though.

  2. Baino says:

    Welcome back! At least your bugs waited until the end of the holiday to aggravate down there! Why is that man looking so intently at the tiger’s bum? The look on the cat’s face is awesome, pissed off pussy!

  3. Granny says:

    Artificial insemenation methinks!

  4. Grandad says:

    “Right, Charlie – fart NOW!!”

  5. When my cat looks at me like that, I back off, very fast. And my cat is just a wee little thing compared to that one. As for the toilets in Thailand, my husband got so used to them, he suggested that we convert our bathroom to a similar style. We are still married, since that suggestion was rapidly flushed down the loo with a whole lot of toilet paper.

  6. One of the reasons why I will never go to Thailand.

    That and the fact that they are kinda partial to locking up Aussies…

  7. Kirk M says:

    I encountered the same type of bathroom facilities in Italy quite awhile back. I decided right then and there that the only thing I’d ever use those things for was taking a piss. Anything else could wait until I got back aboard the boat. Even if I could have brought myself to use the thing for anything else the image of a cow lifting it’s tail kept popping into my head which would get me to laughing. And a guy should never laugh when he takes a piss.

    As far as the tigers go:

    “I’m having the one with that damn camera for lunch.”

  8. Growup says:

    Reminds me of the southpark when they did Steve Irwin: “now I’m gonna stick my thumb in his ass and make him really angry!”

  9. jen says:

    Still trying to think of witty caption, but really it’s just perfect without words. Hope you’re feeling better!

  10. holemaster says:

    Thank god the weather was good when you arrived home. It makes it a bit easier. And what is TAT doing to that tiger?

  11. K8 says:

    Maxi; There comes a stage of drunkenness where you assume all women are ladyboys. That’s a huge mistake.

    Baino; The tiger’s bum was the only thing we were allowed to touch for fear of being eaten!

    Granny; A TigeTAT?

    Grandad; Silent but toothy.

    Don’t Bug Me; Hahaha that’s a hilarious suggestion!!! I can see how that idea would become pear-shaped. Mind you, there’s a lot to be said for the squatting position when it comes to piles apparently, but I wouldn’t know, thankfully enough!

    Kelley; They kept shouting ‘Roy Keane, Roy Keane!!’ at us regularly. We would’ve preferred prison to that at one stage.

    Kirk M; Kudos to your sphincter!! However when there are freshly digested chili peppers involved, it’s anybody’s game.

    Growup; I hope it was his thumb. The heat made me forget which is probably just as well.

    Jen; Thanks :) All cranberried out I am!

    Holemaster; I brought the sun back in a jar! Had a tough time getting it through customs, but it was worth it.

  12. Jo says:

    Hahahah – Does TAT know the ‘What fucks likea tiger and winks?’ joke?

  13. Jaysus! I used to know a missionary that got a hellish infection from a backroom somewhere outside of Beijing. Or, at least that was his story. :)

    “Quit interrupting my play time!”
    “I’ve got dibs on this one.”

  14. Keiron says:

    I experienced a variety of different toilets in Thailand from the one in the local bar in Phuket, where I stepped outside and peered over a wall to the back of two other shops whilst using the urinal. To other public one’s that would put britain to shame for their cleanliness!

    That said I loved Thailand and can’t wait to go back (been back two weeks and hating it!)

  15. unstranger says:

    Strange country for sure.

    So the two trembling tigers weren’t hungry then?

  16. K8 says:

    Jo; Heheh… *winks*

    Jimmy; Shhh, don’t blow my cover!

    Keiron; I miss it too, but trying not to.

    Unstranger; Oh they were, but their trainers were meaner. I worried about those tigers, their lack of roaming space, lack of instinctual encouragement… I would have gladly been eaten if it meant they got a glimpse of their well deserved wild life’s bliss, but it wasn’t to be!

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