Posted on Saturday, May 2, 2009
in Strange and Unusual
I was going to follow through with a meme I got gang-banged with recently, but since discovered that my six useless facts would likely bore the pants off you. Instead, I did it in my head and am presenting you with the highlights which happen to be of a natural nature.
Until recently, there was an empty field right beside my house. This meant I could briefly abandon my children, hop over the wall and have a proper game of retrieve the ball with Wouldye (without having to do much exercise myself) for ten minutes twice daily and still be within earshot of my house. Then, last week a farmer came along and boarded the entrance, putting nasty lengths of barbed wire everywhere and rendering the field completely inaccessible. Bummer. Later that evening a herd of cattle arrived. Stupid cows.
I thought the situation a complete pain in the ass until last night, when I swore I saw a cow lift its fore-leg and suck milk from its own udder. Meanwhile a bunch of cows gathered around her to watch, and I wondered what it was that they were thinking. This morning upon closer inspection I saw that these were indeed not cows, but bulls. Now I’m even more impressed, and know exactly what the other bulls were thinking.
I have invented a new fad-diet. It beats the pants off those new pills they sell to twelve-year olds in chemists these days, let me tell you. It’s a video I made on my camera involving my cat that you’ll never find on YouTube, because I’m going to sell it on Gumtree for €3,000 per download – it’s that effective. Whenever you feel hungry, all you have to do is watch the video and you’ll be happy never to eat again.
Poor cat. I’ve never seen anything vomit a tapeworm before and I’d be quite happy (surprisingly) to never have to watch it again. Ugh.