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May 2

Ain't nature wonderful?

Posted on Saturday, May 2, 2009 in Strange and Unusual

I was going to follow through with a meme I got gang-banged with recently, but since discovered that my six useless facts would likely bore the pants off you.  Instead, I did it in my head and am presenting you with the highlights which happen to be of a natural nature.


Until recently, there was an empty field right beside my house.  This meant I could briefly abandon my children, hop over the wall and have a proper game of retrieve the ball with Wouldye (without having to do much exercise myself) for ten minutes twice daily and still be within earshot of my house.  Then, last week a farmer came along and boarded the entrance, putting nasty lengths of barbed wire everywhere and rendering the field completely inaccessible.  Bummer.  Later that evening  a herd of cattle arrived.  Stupid cows.

I thought the situation a complete pain in the ass until last night, when I swore I saw a cow lift its fore-leg and suck milk from its own udder.  Meanwhile a bunch of cows gathered around her to watch, and I wondered what it was that they were thinking.  This morning upon closer inspection I saw that these were indeed not cows, but bulls.  Now I’m even more impressed, and know exactly what the other bulls were thinking.


I have invented a new fad-diet.  It beats the pants off those new pills they sell to twelve-year olds in chemists these days, let me tell you.  It’s a video I made on my camera involving my cat  that you’ll never find on YouTube, because I’m going to sell it on Gumtree for €3,000 per download – it’s that effective.  Whenever you feel hungry, all you have to do is watch the video and you’ll be happy never to eat again.

Poor cat.  I’ve never seen anything vomit a tapeworm before and I’d be quite happy (surprisingly) to never have to watch it again.  Ugh.


Bring on the comments

  1. Baino says:

    Wouldye could chase bulls instead of balls . or bulls balls . . and worm your pussy before the kids start chucking up tapeworms . .that’ll do you in big time and you haven’t got any spare fat to lose!

  2. unstranger says:

    Nature is without question a revelation, always.

  3. K8 says:

    Baino you didn’t get spammed!!! Aww, I’ll miss those surprise messages stuck in the filter. The worming baffles me. I spent an arm and a leg dosing the animals in the vet last month. He must have seen me coming. I really don’t want to go back to him to tell him I have an infected pussy though, that’s just nasty.

    Unstranger, it really is. And always so graphic.

  4. warrior says:

    I am not stroking your pussy even if you beg me

  5. Jo says:

    I had an early post about my husband finding a whole chicken foot in some dogshit in our back yeard once. But I can’t find it. Probably just as well.

    I didn’t see it, but I didn’t feel right for days after hearing about it.

  6. holemaster says:

    I’m surprised the farmer himself wasn’t standing there too with the rest of the boys.

  7. I don’t suppose I could have sneak preview of the video could I? And no, it is not because I want to lose my lunch, but because my vet insists that our local neighbourhood moggy did not throw up a tapeworm, because cats don’t throw up tapeworms. Since I did not have the foresight to collect the vomit (or make a video of vomiting cat), I have no proof of my claim.

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