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Mar 15

How to screw with the space/time continuum without even trying.

Posted on Sunday, March 15, 2009 in Family, Little known facts, Philosophy, Something to think about

Of course we’re all aware of the time acceleration phenomenon that happens roughly between 5am and 9am… whether you’re trying to sleep, or willing the traffic into oblivion or brushing unruly knots out of  four year old hair, time travels at twice if not three times its normal speed.

If you want this to happen on a greater scale – it’s pimpsy.  All you have to do is set a date for something huge, like a wedding, or a lesson in naked base-jumping, and zoom!  Time accelerates (proportional to the end-date of course) out of your control. The 9th of May. Time for me has a half-life of two fortnights.

My poor blog.  It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve even so much as looked at it.  Missed it’s second birthday and all, poor thing.  It just held no interest for me all of a sudden, nor did Facebook or Twitter (which I have henceforth washed my hands of) which both seem like a phenomenal waste of this ever-dissapearing time.  Ironically, this is where the SUA (Status Update Addiction) should kick in.  I’ve so much material to broadcast, but when I stop to think how I should phrase it (in as witty a fashion as possible), twenty minutes have passed.   Then it hit me that the cause for delay was simply my conscience saying; ‘Who the hell cares what you’re doing anyway?!?!?  What ever happened to the air of mystery?!?!  Go back to work!!!’… so I stopped.

As beautifully amazing Broadband is compared to Dial-up internet connection, it has its downside.  It’s far too easy to let it absorb you, there’s that much stimulation to be found on it… from blogs to Youtube to online poker… it can totally reverse the window.  Instead of you using it, it starts to use you and that’s when it’s time to take a step backwudz.

I killed the internet.  I will dissect it and break it apart and abuse it at my leisure, the honeymoon phase is over.  Now is the phase of {HTML and CSS and div and border-color: #FFBD32; border-style: ridge; and maybe a car battery on standby in case things get ugly} is here and it’s doing my fucking head in, but it’s better than pointess updates on Facebook, that’s for sure.

If anybody is interested, this is what my SUA might have looked like;

Today I be mostly making babies.


K8 is trying to think out of the box.


@Calligraphy I am conquered.


I would highly recommend booking a naked base jumping lesson or a wedding.  You could always cancel it at the last minute… not that I ever would.  Or would I?

Bring on the comments

  1. Ha! I got first comment! :)

    Sounds like yuz been a busy Queen bee for the past couple of weeks. Good luck with the wedding invitations. I couldn’t begin to advise you on that subject. :)

    As far as making babies go, I might know a thing or two ’bout that. I spent two days this week tillin’ me soil and planting me seeds.

  2. The CIA says:

    May 9th. Good to know. Thanks for input. We’ll be seeing you.

  3. Hey Kate if you’re ever stuck with CSS drop me a mail and I’ll give you a dig out.

    Wicked caligraphy but I imagine it’d be an illegible scrawl with a red biro by the time you get to the last invite!

  4. Good luck with it all.

    Don’t rule out running away as a wedding option, worked for us.

  5. unstranger says:

    Me and weddings wouldn’t be the best of buddies. Finally divorced last week, then got invited to a friggin’ engagement party.

  6. K8 says:

    Jefferson; I <3 muck. On a greater scale I’m not sure it’s so much fun, though.

    CIA; The pig is in the poke. Flying swans will make custard at midnight.

    John Braine; Aw thanks for the support, that’s fantastic… I’m getting sick of googling problems, the forums are a bit of a head-wreck! Happily today seems to be ‘no error’ day in markup validation land! (For a change)

    Xbox; It’s only a very ickle small wedding so the hassle is minimal (so far). Too many people have told me that the massive fairytale wedding just isn’t worth it, and I’d well believe it.

    Unstranger; Oh no that’s a kick in the teeth. Clinks with virtual glasses to a new chapter though… bottoms up!

  7. Kirk M says:

    Not to worry K8. Sounds like your wedding is getting close is all so everything is going to be ‘out-of-perspective’ for awhile. The stickler of the thing is that ‘life-as-usual’ still demands attention.

    You’ll get through it alright. The secret is not to make any major/spur of the moment decisions about anything other than routine matters. Unless, of course, you both decide to call it off and just keep “living in sin” as some would say. Sometimes it’s better that way? I’ll still send the wedding present either way so no worries there.

    Things and perspective will return to normal after all is said and done, then comes summer. There’s something to be said for that.

  8. Yep Facebook reminds me of a scene from an old folks home where poor auld creatures are made to sit in a circle with the physio, She throws a ball to someone then the next person throws the ball. That scene fills me with dread. Everything wedding wise will fall into place just as it did for Grandad and me, despite the two feet of snow.

  9. Jo says:

    mostly making babies??

  10. K8 says:

    Kirk; I do like living in sin, but it’s cumbersome having each member of the family have a different name, the health board can’t handle that sort of confusion. Besides, religion aside, that feeling of union sounds like it might be nice. The only downside to marriage is the tax and benefit aspect. No longer an unmarried mother will I be and I will suffer for that!

    Jo; Yes the sort of babies that don’t talk back or crap themselves or cry for no reason or empty a full container of moisturiser into your new shoes or scrounge money for car insurance off you.

    Green babies. Not the other kind. Yeauch.

  11. K8 says:

    Sorry Mammy you got spammed!

    The weird thing about Facebook is that I have classmates on there that I never really spoke to and still don’t. I’ve no idea why they’re there.

  12. Kirk M says:

    Tax and benefits? There is that but I wasn’t sure how similar Ireland was in that aspect to the USA. Similar enough it seems. Still, it’s a chance you have to take and things like that always work out. And everyone having the same name is also kinda nice, I agree.

    On the classmate thing: Maybe they’re attempting to make up for all the chances to talk to you back then that they missed?

  13. K8 says:

    I don’t think so, they’ve been there for months now and haven’t said a peep, the popular crowd/geek crowd division still exists ten years later and all is right with the world. It’s comforting in a way. Facebook Quo.

  14. Kirk M says:

    Yes, how comforting the human condition. Makes me glad that I never once attended a high school reunion. :P

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