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Feb 26


Posted on Thursday, February 26, 2009 in Family, Jobs, Strange and Unusual

It always gets me how these things happen in threes.

First was the phonecall last week from a very troubled teacher (with what sounded like a weeping assitant in the background) in Laughingboy’s school.  Apparently the child lurched out of his hoist in an unexpected fashion and ended up head-first on the floor.  This, I explained to the frought teacher, is not the first time he’s had a bump on the noggin, and it won’t be the last.  It took me fifteen minutes to calm the man down, my overall reasoning being that a certain bit of pain is good for the body… it gives adrenalin glands a bit of excercise and toughens up the consitution somewhat.  Laughingboy is proud of the poppy bruise on his forehead, I can tell.  He thinks he’s well ‘ard now.

Then there was the comedic dog-walking accident.  Yesterday morning, while trapsing to Puppychild’s playschool on a busy road, my large and cumbersome dog managed to wrap his lead around my ankles twice before I knew what was happening, and dashed behind me excitedly towards a small yappy dog, thus yanking my feet out from under me.  It’s the sort of situation where you really do have to stand up immediately and laugh, despite the swimming spotty vision and the temptation to pass out with the pain of a cracked knee-cap.  Today I have a swollen knee, a grazed elbow, a sore hip and a very stiff neck, and am searching on Ebay for an oversized hamster wheel for the dog in order to avoid such accidents in the future.

I dropped Puppychild into school this morning, and got a phonecall ten minutes later from a panicked teacher.  She too, was inconsolable.  ‘You need to come quick, I think she might need stitches… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…’ she babbled.  Upon arriving, I found my very pale child covered in blood with a half-inch gash in her forehead from an overenthusiastic tricycle accident.  Her teacher was more upset than she was and again, I found myself spending more time consoling her than the child, explaining that it’s probably a good lesson for the kids to see what gravity and speeding is capable of.  This still didn’t stop the flow of apologies… I think she expected me to go Medieval on her, from the way she acted.  Accidents happen.  Always in threes.

One of my favourite jobs as a mammy is the nursing… the mopping of blood and the fixing of butterfly sutures and the wiping of tears, I’m damned if I’m queueing up in Accident and Emergency if I can avoid it in any way possible… hospitals seem to be the most effective way to infect a wound anyway, especially in this country.  Superglue and vodka – yer only man for the job.

We three are now watching CBeebies… me with my banjaxed kneecap, Laughingboy with his swollen noggin and Puppychild with her puffy closing eye and blood clotted hair.  TAT will wander in any second now, take one look at us, shrug, and go back to bed.  Wise choice.


Bring on the comments

  1. GrowUp says:

    Yep, always the way. Rule of threes.

    Bloody weird.

    Now, tell me what’s wrong with my knee! (probably too much bicycling)

  2. Ice cubes work a charm – one for the bruise and one for your mouth – or maybe it was just grannymar’s way of distracting me in summer as I ran in with yet another bruise on my leg!

    I love your attitude – too many parents coddle their children these days – we all need to be exposed to measures of pleasure and pain in our lives – otherwise how would we know to celebrate when something good has happened to us?

  3. susan says:

    Are you sure we’re not related? Those sound like my kids, and my dog…

    Hope your knee feels better soon, and his head, and hers. Enjoy CBeebies! Eat cake!

    But how did 7 people manage to kill themselves in a KNITTING accident?

  4. Darragh says:

    Jesus woman, doesn’t anything phaze you?

  5. KIng Bob says:

    What an amazing well balanced parent, most mothers I know would have been screaming litigation and spouting off their lawyers name. Jesus, there’s yer woman who sued the family who had a birthday party because her kid fell of the bouncy castle and broke his arm.

  6. I was just wondering where the superglue and vodka come in? Superglue to stick the kids back together while you have a slug of the vodka??? Lol

    I think teacher training should involve a whole course entitled, “Bizarre accidents that kids do actually have and parents will not kill you for when you tell them!”

  7. Nay says:

    Twas a split skull with a lightsabre here last week and I’ve just split my finger…any of that voddie going spare while I awaits doom pt III?

    Just found your blog through Darragh, great stuff :)

  8. You are a teacher’s dream parent! We school-working types live in fear of accidents happening on our watch, of angry parents who want to know why this didn’t happen or why that wasn’t put in place. I can understand why the teachers were neurotic!

    Hope you all heal up soon!

  9. K8 says:

    Grow Up; I think it’s because you and me both should be living in sunnier climes. Dampness and joints don’t work well together at all at all.

    Elly; Is the ice-cube in the mouth to stop the whingeing?! Genius!!! Another bonus to injuries is the ability to flaunt them and pretend you’re living life to the Xtreme :)

    Susan; Heehee – knitting needles are sharp!!! A friend of mine at primary school once skewered herself right through the back of her throat with one. Yowch. It’s the blogging accidents that get me. How on earth did two people die from blogging?!

    Darragh; Men in suits. Men in suits with briefcases scare the bejeebus out of me.

    King Bob; Oh good grief. Bouncy castles will go the same way as lawn darts soon. Lethal is fun – that’s the point!

    Yummy Mammy; Vodka to cleanse and take the edge off, superglue to close the wounds, good old fashioned soldier style :) Ok seriously no I’m not that bad… I couldn’t find the superglue. I used a staple gun instead.

    Nay; Welcomez!! I fear if I was to share the Vodker it would CAUSE doom part III, so I’ll use that as an excuse instead of admitting that I’m a scabby bint.

    Jenny; I worked in Puppychild’s playschool a few times when the assistant was out… the place is crawling with rules, but kids are kids, y’know? They could cut themselves with a bag of cotton wool if you leave them alone with it long enough.

    If parents could sue themselves, I’m sure a lot of them would!

  10. Kirk M says:

    There should be (many) more mothers like yourself. I have to agree with Elly, one of the biggest problems today is that too many parents coddle their kids. This “time out” generation of parenting has caused nothing but problems and the results have been plain to see.

    Undisciplined kids, suing at the drop of a hat (or kid in this case) and don’t even get me started.

    You’re a shining beacon of sensibility in this dark age of idiot parenting.

  11. K8 says:

    Slow down there partner… there’s such a thing as being TOO relaxed about parenting… I feel I might slot too quickly into that category which can be equally but oppositely as bad.

    ‘At the drop of a kid’… *chortle*

  12. Kirk M says:

    “I feel I might slot too quickly into that category…”

    Bah, I say. It’s just a matter of employing some common sense and not swinging to extremes. I’ll give a rousing cheer to any parent who does the same. Sure it’s not easy but who ever said being a parent is easy?

  13. Nick says:

    Good grief, your lot are like a bunch of skittles. They must have invented the phrase “An accident waiting to happen”. Two people died of blogging? How on earth did they manage that? Did a giant hand reach out of the screen and strangle them?

    Funny you should mention CBeebies, I just did something about the ludicrous Cerrie Burnell arm uproar. Hey, guys, her arm isn’t all there, get over it etc….

  14. Brianf says:

    As I read this I am thinking of my son, Jimmy as a child and I had the same reactions. I can recall the phone calls and my reaction of, “Is it life threatening? No? Good, I’ll pick him up at the end of the day.”. My dad use to look at a scrape or cut and tell us, “That looks bad. We’ll have to amputate at the neck”. We knew it was a joke and meant our boo-boo wasn’t bad.
    How did the human race make it this far without lawyers and overly protective moms?

  15. Baino says:

    Poor things, I always have a large bag of frozen peas at the ready for such occasions, best anti swelling therapy there is or maybe the cold is just the distraction required to divert attention from the pain.

  16. K8 says:

    Kirk; I got a bit of an ear-chewing off TAT for not rushing the child to hospital, he’s of the school of thought that it’s better to be safe than sorry, but I disagree. I think it’s better to be at home than in some fluorescent waiting room bleeding to death and twiddling your thumbs for four hours catching God knows what.

    Nick; Death by blogging. Real melon twister, isn’t it? Electrocution by coffee spillage? Heart attack from over-exertive swinging on office chairs? Beats me.

    Brianf; Aww bless. Laughter’s the best cure, as is toughing it out for yourself. My mother used to tell me that pain was all in the head (which is true o’ course) but I’d reply with NO IT’S IN MY FUCKING FOOT at which point she’d belt me and then I really would have a pain in the head.

    Baino; Ahh you can’t beat a bit of Hypericum/Calendula for the messy bits and a dose of Arnica for the purple bits. After that it’s lollypop city and you’re home dry!

  17. What is it about bad things coming in 3’s? Hope that is the end of the accident prone experiences. But don’t you get stronger with dealing with sudden accidents where blood comes rushing out of various orifices? After the initial ugghh I get a kinda ER buzz. I think you know yourself when it’s serious with your child and when it’s a DIY bandage and hug.
    I’ll shake your hand electronically…

  18. Jo says:

    Only two from blogging? I here I was thinking we were dicing with death.

    Are you taking your arnica, hon? And if there’s fluid on your knee you need ledum for that. You can come get some from me if you want.


  19. Grandad says:

    My mother used to tell me that pain was all in the head (which is true o’ course) but I’d reply with NO IT’S IN MY FUCKING FOOT at which point she’d belt me and then I really would have a pain in the head.

    Wha? I don’t remember any of that? She never belted you around the head, but if you are so keen for it – please call around, and I will oblige. Anytime. Day or night.

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