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Dec 21

Santa is not fat, my daughter is.

Posted on Sunday, December 21, 2008 in Family, Jobs, Philosophy, Rantings, Strange and Unusual

All waded out of the crud I am, and life is suddenly worth living again.  I find it much better to spew all the depressed crap out of the way instead of slowly dribbling it onto these pages… you may thank me for it though you don’t know it, for this last week was hell, best kept for the bottom of a whiskey bottle, if you ask me.  But, sadness is a season and it passes.

In the last week I have done the following:

-Watched Puppychild sled downstairs on flat-packed boxes as I sat smoking a fag in the attic doorway.

-Been interviewed on East Coast FM about Laughingboy’s school without getting nervous because I knew everyone was listening to 2fm or Today FM at the time.

-Stolen the (old) next-door neighbour’s kitten

-Watched the home I was once proud of slowly turn into a shit-hole

-Been offered a job in Puppychild’s playschool

-Fallen down a mountain escaping with a dirty knee and a fellow dog walker’s raised eyebrow

-Argued with the Health Service Executive and won

-Argued with tinsel and blu-tack and lost

-Watched Santa Claus sacrifice my child over his ass as his chair collapsed

-Driven 725km

-Packed 28 boxes and 52 bags

-Watched 84 episodes of Family Guy (that’s 21 episodes 4 times)

-Hated this blog and everything it represents

-Made a cozy fire from nothing but a heated toaster element and an eighth of a bag of wet coal

-Become accustomed to whiskey

-Made 139 mountains out of 14 molehills

-Done absolutely no Christmas shopping apart from blackmailing my new local shop into giving me its last Christmas tree for 10 euros

-Moved into a completely free house which seems to me as big as the Taj Mahal.  This brings me to the following point:

I can’t believe I’m here!  6 years of waiting for some sort of suitable house for Laughingboy and I get this!  A house on the end of a quiet row surrounded by fields full of men in horses and endless tennisball fetching potential.  An electronic device that picks my kid up and carries him into the shower.  Neighbours that don’t pound my windows with footballs and don’t curse like sailors.  Wide doorways.  Wilderness.  My home.

To all you solid taxpayers of Ireland:


Your money is going to wonderful, amazing places.  If you should ever find yourselves in a position like mine, where you are humbled and find that the housing ladder is but a far-off dream, know that it is grand to live in a country where fellow sufferers will give you a dig-out, as long as you’re prepared to bear the cross of time and red tape.  I owe you so much, I only hope I can return the favour to you one by one, in every walk of life I will repay you.  I will drop tenners outside pubs.  I will pick up your bill in the coffee shop.  I will pack your groceries for you if you’re ahead of me in the queue at the tills at Tescos, I will even pick up my own dog’s shite.  One by one I hope to repay you.  This house rocks.



Bring on the comments

  1. Baino says:

    OH Kate, no time for humour. I’m so happy for you. What an amazing Christmas pressie after all the shit you’ve had with the house and the last week. (Santa’s chair really collapsed?). You hate the blog? No you don’t! Soon you’ll have broadband and there’ll be no stopping you! Merry Christmas Petal, you deserve one! (erm was that too mushy?) I am a little concerned about the field full of ‘men in horses’ slightly porno or comedic, I’m not sure which.

  2. I am so happy for you. Enjoy your new home. You deserve it!!

  3. Congratulations on the house, it sounds excellent.

    Sorry about the lower points of the week past, but well done on the nicer bits.

    Onwards and upwards?

  4. Jo says:

    As a payer of a fairly meagre amount of tax, er thankyou, you’re welcome! I’m glad it’s going to you.

    Don’t hate your blog, it’s such a GOOD blog.

    Is it Jameson, by any chance? BEcause then you have a freind in me… if only we had some sort of … taxi driver… to ferry our drunken asses between our homes.

    I think you got the ass and child sacrifice the wrong way round.

    Happy Christmas hon. I hear there’s 50 % off everything everywhere at the moment – including toys in Tesco’s hardware store in Stillogan.

  5. Jo says:

    Oh yeahm Baino, men in horses – I noticed that but I went more in the Troy direction, you filthy thing :)

    What sort of porn have you been watching?

  6. Grannymar says:

    Hang in there and enjoy the newness!

    The bad times are to help us appreciate the good times and there will be good times.

    Now I wish you a simple love filled Christmas!

  7. JackMcMad says:

    A HUGE congrats on the new house. No payback needed, I’m just delighted that my tax money has gone to something as deserving as that, instead of feathering the pockets of some swindling conniving politician. Have a gr8 Christmas k8.

  8. robert says:

    It looks like it is going to be a great christmas for ye K8.. I’m delighted for ye.

  9. Good stuff, well wear.

  10. susan says:

    Can *I* slide down your stairs on boxes? LOL

    The house sounds wonderful, and this post gives me hope. We’re waiting for a disabity housing grant to help our two kids (they have no bedrooms!) and you’re right, the red tape and waiting lists are mighty indeed.

    Whenever you get tired of ‘shit-hole’ decor, well come over and enjoy mine (it might make you feel better about yours!). I just walk through it with my eyes closed for now…

    Happy happy Christmas, and enjoy your house and neighbours! It’s so good to ‘see’ you again!

  11. k8 says:

    Baino; I’m fully hizooked up with Broadband! Mighty fine it is too, why I was chatting to my bezzie mate in Melbourne this morning, I was just saying how sorry I feel for you poor people having to put up with that awful heat. I requested a skypee connection last night, just waiting for ‘somebody’ to approve it ;)

    Ms Barbara Jane; Thanks!!! Did some serious drilling today. Drilling is fun.

    Xbox; Onwards and upwards indeed, except that this is a bungalow so no more pesky upward climbs for me no more. Thank. God.

    Jo; Ah yes the ass/child fiasco had something to do with the whiskey all right, which would be of the Black Bush variety. I’m not so sure of the Jemmy, she seems a bit rough but never say never. Keep an eye out for a cheap oven for me willya? Oh but I wish Tescos sold them on the cheap!

    Grannymar; It’s true what you say. I wish you a wonderful and happy Christmas too! Stay warm and toasty and well pickled!

    JackMcMad; Cheers, you too!!! I wish you much snow to prevent you from having to work much :)

    Robert; May you have a great one too!! The magic comes back with little ones around, I hope you all have a ball.

    Thrifty; Thanks! I intend to wear it to shreds.

    Susan; Look! We made it through the darkest day… can’t you just smell the buds on the branches? They’ll arrive soon, wait and see. I so hope the powers that be sort your grant soon… in a strange way, the suspense makes it all the sweeter.

  12. stipes says:

    your welcome to my few tax pennies,
    and cleaning dog shite is ample payment.
    happy house.

  13. Holemaster says:

    May your home bring happiness and warmth!

    Now for payment – Make the most of your new home and everything it offers!

  14. Maxi Cane says:

    Nice one, about time too.

    Now need to pay anyone back, just let me know when you’re out so that there’s a free gaff going!

  15. Tuli says:

    So I don’t live in Ireland so I haven’t paid any taxes to help with your new house. But I’m SO VERY GLAD you got one! Finally!

    Happy Christmas!

  16. Quickroute says:

    Perfect timing – have a great Xmas!

  17. warrior says:

    ER so life is good then right? Have a great Christmas, you keep me sane! Love to you and all the family…

  18. Brianf says:

    Great news!

  19. K8 says:

    Stipes; I can mail you the shite if you like? I hear it’s great for the flowers.

    Holemaster; I wish my bank account was that sympathetic! I swear that ATM actually laughed at my request today.

    Maxi; Jeez I never thought of that!!! A revenge party would be a fantastic idea. A week-long revenge party!

    Tuli; Happy Christmas to you too :)

    Quickroute; Isn’t it just?! Same to you matey!

    Warrior; You too, dude, take care and have fun :) Enjoy the Christmas spirits.

    Brianf; Guess who’s on Skype! WooHoo is right!

  20. Boo, my comment didn’t appear! But hey, you know what I said – happy, happy moving day and yay for you! I’m delighted. This post made me smile for ages – in fact, my smile rather ached after a while ;)

  21. Lorna says:

    So great to see you back! Big congrats on the new house – sounds amazing. Happy hols to you all!

  22. Kirk M says:

    I know it’s late but it’s so good to hear that you’re finally in your house and over the deep darks. I’m one to go diving into the depths of the deep darks myself every now and then…so much fun.

    I wouldn’t worry about hating your blog from time to time, it goes with the territory. It’s always been a love/hate thing with me in fact my blog and I are not on speaking terms at the moment. It will resolve itself in time I’m sure, in the meantime, there’s always the basement to clean up.

    Hope the New Year brings many good things for you and your family.

  23. Medbh says:

    It’s a holiday miracle!
    I’m so pleased that you and the family have your own home.
    Think of all the memories you’ll wear into the flooring.

  24. […] moved into this house a few months ago and I expressed on this here blog a genuine gratitude to the Council and to the tax-payers out there for providing a family with a special needs kid a […]

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