Posted on Thursday, December 11, 2008
I’m not so sure I should be posting this, it’s not very entertaining and is cryptic of yawnworthy proportions, but it’s an attempt to give form to this vast confusion, the formation of written word sometimes helps. Whether it should be published for the world to see or not, that’s another matter, but the void must be filled no matter how ridiculous the content.
I got news today. It’s not bad news, bad is the wrong word, even tragic is a laughable word in this instance. I got good news too – we finally got the key to our new house. What should be a new and exciting time is really a joke, a big joke in the grand scheme of things. The emptiness of the new house is really the emptiness of the world. A world that should stop today; it should just stop turning, Christmas should be cancelled for life is too cruel for such nice things to happen.
I can’t say what’s happened, partially for the family that it’s happened to, partially because I just can’t write it down. I talked to God last night and for the first time in my life he answered. He really answered and I’m now grouped with the rest of the loonies the cynical world has refused to accept. God told me to stop praying. I didn’t hear a voice, instead I felt it. An unmistakeable block that told me my prayers were pointless, that the answer was already carved out. I could pray for anything else with the feeling I was being heard, but my true heartfelt request was denied. You don’t want to know how many tears I shed during that prayer. Today I understood why. In the midst of shifting boxes and keeping appointments and talking earnestly to strangers, there was a strange void and soon enough I learned that the inevitable had happened. Such grief.
It didn’t even happen to me. It’s a story that you’d hear on the radio or see in a film that would render you senseless with wretched melancholy, the sort you never could be ready for. It’s anybody’s story, they just don’t know it yet and that’s what hurts.
Things might be quiet around here for a while. I have said this before, and yet have found the blog addiction too strong to resist despite priorities and have posted anyway. I don’t feel that pull these days though, things really do need to be taken care of. This is the best and the worst time of my life and it’ll appear here, when the sweet smell of broadband finally comes into play. Until then there will be a void, filled with this boring and depressive drivel that nobody will be arsed to read.
-Fuck off and leave me alone.