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Dec 11

The key with the rusty tip

Posted on Thursday, December 11, 2008 in Uncategorized

I’m not so sure I should be posting this, it’s not very entertaining and is cryptic of yawnworthy proportions, but it’s an attempt to give form to this vast confusion, the formation of written word sometimes helps.  Whether it should be published for the world to see or not, that’s another matter, but the void must be filled no matter how ridiculous the content.

I got news today.  It’s not bad news, bad is the wrong word, even tragic is a laughable word in this instance.  I got good news too – we finally got the key to our new house.  What should be a new and exciting time is really a joke, a big joke in the grand scheme of things.  The emptiness of the new house is really the emptiness of the world.  A world that should stop today; it should just stop turning, Christmas should be cancelled for life is too cruel for such nice things to happen.

I can’t say what’s happened, partially for the family that it’s happened to, partially because I just can’t write it down.  I talked to God last night and for the first time in my life he answered.  He really answered and I’m now grouped with the rest of the loonies the cynical world has refused to accept.  God told me to stop praying.  I didn’t hear a voice, instead I felt it.  An unmistakeable block that told me my prayers were pointless, that the answer was already carved out.  I could pray for anything else with the feeling I was being heard, but my true heartfelt request was denied.  You don’t want to know how many tears I shed during that prayer.   Today I understood why.  In the midst of shifting boxes and keeping appointments and talking earnestly to strangers, there was a strange void and soon enough I learned that the inevitable had happened.  Such grief.

It didn’t even happen to me.  It’s a story that you’d hear on the radio or see in a film that would render you senseless with wretched melancholy, the sort you never could be ready for.  It’s anybody’s story, they just don’t know it yet and that’s what hurts.

Things might be quiet around here for a while.  I have said this before, and yet have found the blog addiction too strong to resist despite priorities and have posted anyway.  I don’t feel that pull these days though, things really do need to be taken care of.  This is the best and the worst time of my life and it’ll appear here, when the sweet smell of broadband finally comes into play.  Until then there will be a void, filled with this boring and depressive drivel that nobody will be arsed to read. 

-Knock Knock

-Who’s there?

-Life.

-Fuck off and leave me alone.

-Ok.

Bring on the comments

  1. Jesus, I get shivers reading that.

    Take care K8, and all the best to the poor family.

  2. Oh sweetie. Much love and ehugs being sent in your direction. Whoever the family is I know they’re better off for knowing you. Mwah xxxx

  3. susan says:

    Oh honey. I know there’s nothing I can say to make anything better. I wish there was; I’d say it a thousand times for you.

    My father died at Christmastime, twenty-two years ago. I remember we had to go to the supermarket a few days later, and while we were there someone laughed, with someone else, for whatever reason. I never have forgotten that person’s laugh; or the rage and injustice and horror it suddenly triggered as I suddenly realised I now lived in a world where life could go on, and Christmas could really happen, /without Daddy/.

    I know what it’s like to live in a black hole for a while; I’ll be thinking of you. I hope your new house cheers you up and is everything you’ve been dreaming of, I hope the kids make magic for you, and I hope Christmas brings you some kind of miracle.

  4. I will be standing by.

  5. Paul says:

    I go to your website to get a dose of your perky cheerfulness. Havnt been there in a while but delighted to go there tonite to hear you got the keys.
    You have been waiting so long, when it finally came it might be an anti climax. As Bob Geldof said after the Live Aid concert in Wembley ended ‘is this it?’.
    You will be delighted with the change when you settle in and other challenges will pop up.
    Look forward to seeing you around. Barndarrig’s loss is Enniskerry’s gain

  6. warrior says:

    Fair enough then, Off I shall fuck and leave you alone, and dwell in the misery that is mine alone. You keep to yours and I will keep to mine and while I am fuckign off I shall remember very often in this life we wish for things to better and never realise how much worse they could be!.
    Kiss
    Hug
    Happy Christmas
    New Year
    and January and Febuary.
    If you can fix it put a sock on it, at least it will stay warm.

  7. annie says:

    Reading this reminds me how much sometimes words are never enough and only a human embrace can suffice.

    I really wish you and the family all the very best.

  8. Lorna says:

    Sending healing and loving thoughts your way. May your new home provide a safe and warm place to process this next phase of your life.

  9. One foot in front of the other mrs. One foot in front of the other.

    Hope it brightens up soon.

  10. Jo says:

    See you soon, Kate x

  11. JackMcMad says:

    Take care, thinking of you. Come back when you’re good and ready. We’ll all be here.

  12. Holemaster says:

    Warm man hug to you K8. In little moments here and there you will cross our minds, we will think of K8 and hope that she is doing ok. And when you think of us, yes, we are thinking of you.

    Take care of yourself K8.

  13. Baino says:

    OH Kate. Shame your big move coincides with tragedy. Life’s a bitch sometimes. Sending you positive thoughts . . . I have nothing to say. Thinking of you

  14. Grannymar says:

    Hang in there and deal only with todays worries today.

    Big hugs.

  15. Kate says:

    Life Kate…. it’s going on everywhere, every day. Somehow we all take steps through the good times and the bad stuff too. Some steps are small and some are giants size. Some we take very slowly and others we race through without seeing what is around us.

    Take some slow and careful ones at the moment…

    Peace and love
    Kate

  16. Tinman18 says:

    We’re all thinking of you K8, & we’ll be here whenever you need us.

    Mind yourself x.

  17. Kirk M says:

    I tried to leave you something special but it didn’t come through I’m afraid. This is a second try. If it still doesn’t show up then just know that I (and the others) are never far away.

  18. Quickroute says:

    I hope things work out better than it looks right now – wishing you the best and look forward to your prompt return

  19. Keep the chin up missus.If perchance i can help with anything let me know.You and yours are in my thoughts.x

  20. […] and friends within its radius and leaves them lost and confused, and utterly out of their depth. It happened a year ago and ever since then I’ve been afraid.  What once was two families linked through coincidence […]

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