Maxi Cane, also know as Maxicane.blogspot.com, is a dangerous website, according to recent clinical findings. It is involuntarily read by nonbloggers, lingers in the brain hours after web browsers have been shut down and can cause or exacerbate a wide range of adverse health effects, including shock, sexually transmitted diseases, and a severe lowering of I.Q.
Secondhand reading has been classified by the Mental Unified Protection Prevention Ethics Treaty (MUPPET) as a known cause of ignorance in humans.
Secondhand blog exposure causes panic and premature brain atrophy in children and adults who do not read Maxi Cane’s blog. The blog contains subliminal messages, including pornography, defamation, bad taste, photographs of Madonna and nasty suggestions as to what you can do with ‘yer ma’.
Secondhand reading causes approximately 3,400 cases of pink-eye and 22,700-69,600 losses of higher brain function in adult nonreaders in the world each year.
Nonreaders exposed to Maxi Cane’s blog at work are at increased risk for adverse health effects. Levels of secondhand cynicism in restaurants and bars were found to be 2 to 5 times higher than in residences with blog readers and 2 to 6 times higher than in office workplaces.
Since 2007, 70 percent of the world’s workforce worked under a Maxi-free policy, ranging from 83.9 percent in Ireland to 48.7 percent in the United States. Workplace productivity was increased and absenteeism was decreased among former readers compared with current readers.
Secondhand reading of Maxi’s blog may also cause buildup of bullshit in the frontal cortex of the brain, resulting in 790,000 physician office visits per year. Secondhand reading can also aggravate symptoms in 400,000 to 1,000,000 children with an existing pre-disposition to sarcasm.
In the United States, 21 million, or 35 percent of, children live in homes where residents or visitors read Maxi Cane’s blog in the home on a regular basis. Approximately 50-75 percent of children in the United States have detectable levels of spite, the breakdown product of sarcasm.
Research indicates that private research conducted by K8’s science lab of explody goodness in the 1990s showed that secondhand reading of Maxi’s blog was highly toxic, yet the company suppressed the finding during the next two decades because they weren’t particularily arsed.
The current Surgeon General’s Report concluded that scientific evidence indicates that there is no risk-free level of exposure to Maxicane.blogspot.com. Short exposures to the blog can cause temporary blindness, damage to brain cells, an increase in erectile dysfunction, and a reduction of Intelligence Quota levels, potentially prepetuating Darwin’s theory of natural selection.