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Sep 14

Assaulted

Posted on Sunday, September 14, 2008 in Family, munchies, Strange and Unusual, Taboo

I blundered into the kitchen this morning in a foggy overslept haze and saw two unwelcome sights immediately.

The first was a note left by TAT who had come in from work at 7.30am.

“There’s something wrong with the SatNav.  I’ll fix it later.”  

NOOOO!!!  I shudder at the thought of having to conduct my working day using the primitive dog-eared map… the potential embarrassment of having to whip it out in front of a customer in panic when they ask to be brought to some God forsaken suburb of inner-city Dublin makes me want to go back to bed for the day.  Disaster.

Then I found the empty salt and pepper cannisters.  They stood to attention on the kitchen table and there might as well have been another note saying ‘Toddler was ‘ere’ beside them.  I broke out my CSI kit to look for evidence but found nothing… no trail of distruction, no prints or fibres.  Damn, she’s getting good.  I searched high up and low down for the contents of the cannisters… in the bin, the sink, her cereal bowl, the bath… everywhere with no joy.

Then I heard a tiny noise.

“pffft”

I turned to the direction of the sound and listened.

“pfft”  It was the sound of a Guinea-Pig sneezing.  Then I remembered Puppychild’s penchant for animal torture (first sign of a budding psychopath?) and dashed over to the hutch.

Yep.  Each pig was covered in a fine dust of pepper and salt granules and was grooming furiously, their tiny eyes glued shut as a result of nature’s cruel decision to deprive them of the ability to cry the salt out.  Poor wee feckers.  I went to grab a toothbrush to groom the stuff out, and let a horribly evil thought cross my mind.

Guinea-Pigs are fat and don’t excersice much, but then again neither does anyone else in the family.  This means they should be quite succulent.  Peruvians eat them like Big Macs… have done for centuries, and think it hilarious that we keep them as pets.

Puppychild has pretty much taken care of the first stage of preparation… she salted them roughly an hour ago, so they should be nice and tender by now.

The oven’s pre-heating and I’ve got my razor-blade ready… my stomach is rumbling at the thought of breakfast.  I’ll call it the ‘Full Irish Peruvian surprise’ I think.

Yum.

 

 

Bring on the comments

  1. Bleugh! But they’re so tiny you’d need a herd of them for a decent meal :P

  2. Maxi Cane says:

    Leave it to hang in the airing cupboard for a day or two and then marinade it overnight and then roast at 180 for about 12 minutes. Get the skin first, that’s the best bit!

  3. Grannymar says:

    Think I’ll skip brekkie!

  4. Warrior says:

    You are a sick puppie, a very sick puppie

  5. Grandad says:

    Damn you girl!!! You at least could have waited until we were back? I was looking forward to a good meal of Bubble and Squeak.

  6. Jo says:

    Oh My God! That’s not the endingI was expecting. And where did you get the photo!

    Green of Eye, you’re not thinking of hamsters are you?

    In Peru they just pick ’em up from the kitchen floor and toss ’em in the pot. Vomit. An example of why I have no yen for exotic travel.

  7. ha ha ha so funny

    Although i do feel sorry for the wee chaps hope they are ok after there little adventure. Hope the sat nav is on the mend i dont think its broke maybe himself thought it was a toy and broke it. hee hee have been there myself.

  8. Baino says:

    Erm I think you’re supposed to barbecue them THEN season! Clare was offered this delicacy during her travels but declined! Mainly because you had to ‘pick’ your own guinea pig and they’d cook it for you . .a bit like choosing a lobster from the tank! Only cuter, furier and squeakier.

  9. I’ve eaten worse! :) Let’s see, I’ve had turtle, possum, rabbit, alligator, snake, frog, snail, shark, venison, grasshoppers, and all sorts of other little critters. :)

  10. Kittens are best pre-seasoned like that too.

  11. A nice crispy half baguette…finely chopped grilled mushroom?

    I love the fact she salted & peppered them.

    I do that around babies to make them sneeze, is there anything funnier?

  12. K8 says:

    Green of Eye; Same could be said of Big Macs!

    Maxi Cane; Mmmmm stubbly…

    Grannymar; Ah I’m only messing. I couldn’t be without their wee chewing noises.

    Warrior; Don’t act like you didn’t already know that :)

    Dad; I saved you some gristle (grizzle?)

    Jo; Beats monkey brains though. Just about. You’d be surprised how many images are returned from the search ‘roast guinea pig’!!!

    Vicky; I think the satnav is on strike for better holiday pay.

    Baino; No!! Do they let you cuddle it first?! That’s barbaric!

    Jefferson; In Loughlinstown, down the road from here, there is a veterinary clinic next door to a chinese takeaway. Dodgy. Many around here may have eaten strange critters too without knowing…

    Primal Sneeze; I’m picturing a very disturbing lolcat image.

    Xbox4nappyrash; heeehee If there is, I’d like to see it!!!!

  13. TheChrisD says:

    I think I’m glad I ate well before reading this…

  14. Quickroute says:

    You should visit Korea, you’d be right at home or at least your palate would be!

  15. K8 says:

    The Chris D; Whaddya mean? That photo looks yummy.

    Quickroute; Ah no I’m only messing really. I’d only eat one in the direst of situations when normal food isn’t available. Power-cuts… that sort of thing.

  16. Kelley says:

    Oh *vomit*

    I should put that pick on my fridge and I am bound to not raid it.

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