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Sep 7

Eroticow

Posted on Sunday, September 7, 2008 in Rantings, Something to think about, Strange and Unusual, Taboo, Taxi driving

This isn’t my story, it’s the Accidental Terrorist’s because fortunately, daytime taxi driving doesn’t spew up many  stories like this one. 

We sat in the sunroom to eat dinner this evening, and as we ate, he relayed his adventures to me.  The fork to mouth repetition slowed more and more as the story unfolded, and I began to feel sick,  it’s that good.

He told me about how he’d picked up two men and two women from Bray at around closing time o’clock.  Dropping one of the men off along the way, he continued to Ballybrack trying hard not to listen to the conversation being held between the two girls in the back of the car.

“Why?”  I asked.  “What were they talking about?”

“Nothing much, it was just riddled with curses but… I know some blokes who find cursing women repulsive and I never understood why until now.  It was trashy, really crude.”

“Oh.  Carry on.”

“Then she got her tits out.”

Apparently the loudest of the two women, who happened to be the girlfriend of the remaining bloke in the car, opened her top for the world to see.  TAT swears his eyes were on the road but I’m dubious.

Then, she began to appeal to TAT with ‘this really annoying whiny scumbag voice’ to stop somewhere so that she could pee.  He did – he stopped at a perfect spot on the road adjoining a small green area protected by bushes, and pointed her towards them.  Did she use them?  Did she fuck.  She opened her door, squatted by the rear tyre on a busy road, and splashed her pints back home right there in front of him.  

When TAT finally pulled up outside the house, the same girl got out of the car, crawled about on the pavement for a bit while she got her co-ordination back and then stumbled to the front of the car where she turned around, bent over and lifted her dress over her head, revealing every last detailed orifice.  She then re-robed, and as she was laughing and walking through her front gate, she yelled back at TAT;

“So do you want to come in for yer hole?”

I dropped my fork when he got to that part.  I clapped my hands over my ears and shouted “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA” for a good five minutes.  The image of this bint saying that to him… my bear, the King to my Queen… I felt like throwing my entire dinner up back onto the plate.  It disturbed me to the core.

Die, evil slapper bitch, DIE

Will this girl cry with shame tomorrow morning when the memories float to the top of her scummy mind?  I doubt it.  Will she do it again?  Most definately… why break old habits?  Bray is full of these women.  They are all over Ireland, giving it away like it was the Ebola virus.  AIDS and STDs are on the rampage but they don’t give a shit.  Babies are born without a snowball’s chance in hell of making it straight, and are found lurking ominously under bridges and on street corners looking dodgy.  Village of the damned.

Won’t they please legalize prostitution?

These people are in serious need of precaution and a cleaner environment… seriously, some pubs are pure cattlemarkets.  The men don’t even bother to dress up, they just leave their farmer’s shirts on.  The women wear seriously ridiculously skimpy clothes (okay, okay, I wore greyhound* skirts and sent the wrong messages entirely too when I was a kid, but I grew out of it!) and rub themselves against anything with a pulse.  So, all a bloke has to do is walk in the door, and SCORE! his beans are cooked.  

Everyone loves sex.  It’s our most basic calling, but it’s still very much in the underworld when it should be out in the open!  Clean, safe, there whenever you need it.  Bring back prostitution and save our small towns. PLEASE.

* 2 inches from the hair 

Bring on the comments

  1. Doc says:

    As one pro to another, I’m saddened by TAT’s lack of tradecraft: they give us those mini-digital cameras upon graduation explicitly for situations like that…

  2. Good sketch. I reckon the solution is the exploding thing :-)

  3. Maxi Cane says:

    Does TAT still have her address? I have to call to Bray tomorrow!!!

  4. Baino says:

    Now see . .one day she’ll get a poke with a pork sword that she doesn’t want! Don’t tell the Aussie blokes or you’ll have an invasion of badly behaved footy players with pockets full of rohypnol I think my nephew might know her! Nice bod but forget about the boat race!

  5. K8 says:

    Doc; From his description, sounds like she would’ve shattered the lens!

    Thriftcriminal; That bloke can sing!!!

    Maxi Cane; No I asked him already so that I could go and beat her around the place with a blunt object but no joy. I can, however give you the name of the pub where she and all her other bovine friends hang out!

    Baino; No rohypnol needed! These ladies are the opposite of coy. They’re yoc.

  6. Natalie says:

    Wow – No wonder our taxi driver told us we were the nicest people he had, and would pick up all night, it was almost 03h00 am…

  7. I can’t get past the ‘greyhound skirt’ hahahaha….

    Sounds very like my own home town though I must say.

  8. Warrior says:

    Wow I am so lucky not to be looking for me hole at home in Ireland then aren’t I?

  9. K8 says:

    Natalie; He was working you for a tip ;)

    Xbox4nappyrash; Trailerpark international?!? Mad.

    Warrior; Heheh… yes. No sun-tanned leggy French speakers over here!

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