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Aug 30

Temping fate

Posted on Saturday, August 30, 2008 in Family, Strange and Unusual

I’m sick but nobody believes me.

I shot myself in the foot, see, when I was 12 years old.  I was hospitalized with a rather nasty kidney infection (the build up for which involved my school friends saying stuff like… ‘is there a cat in here somewhere?’ I was smelly and I was sore) and had nasty symptoms, one of which was a very high fever with febrile convulsions which my mother will never let me forget.

They fixed me up and sent me home, but given that I was in second year at school – which has to be one of the most unpleasant years of all – I decided to play it just a little while longer.

My mother would stick a mercury thermometer in my mouth and would leave the room, at which point it would come out again and be touched against the nearest light bulb for a few moments.  I wasn’t too clever about it though.

“You’ve a fever of 107!!!  Jesus Christ, come on, jump into the shower and I’ll cool you down!!”

I could hardly argue, for that would involve telling the truth which I wasn’t ready for yet.  All those nasty freezing cold showers were worth the quality time in bed in front of the tv with random gifts of ice-cream and Kinder Surprises to cheer me up.

Gradually though, the guilt took over.  Every little Kinder toy I got, reminded me of what a sham I was, so after a month of this act (my parents were quite gullible, in hindsight) I ‘fessed up.

They understood, for they’d played the same trick themselves, and revelled in the fact that my attempt to catch up with all the school work I’d missed would be punishment enough, but apparently it wasn’t.  Apparently fate decided that it would deal its own just-desserts, and as a result, I’ve never had a raised temperature since.  Not even by half a degree, in seventeen years.

“Uhhh… I feel strange, my head’s all fuzzy and my ears have popped, I think I’m coming down with a cold!  I’ll have to skip work today, I think.”

“Oh no, you poor thing – come here and let me feel your forehead?”

“No”

“Why, you’re probably burning up!”

“No”

“Come here and let me see!”

“No”

*much wrestling later*

“You’re fine, you big faker… there’s nothing wrong with you at all, go on out to work with you and stop being a big hypochondriac.”

“But I really am sick….” I manage to get in as the door is slammed on my sorry ass.

This morning I got lucky.  I woke to find that the sore throat I’d been complaining about to deaf ears had finally upgraded itself to the noisy snotty sniffly stage so my sickness is finally obvious and I’m finally credible.  No work for me today!!!!

Bring on the comments

  1. you WERE a scheming little minx…

    how does a kidney infection make you smell?

    top, top video clip that is!

  2. K8 says:

    Constant trips to the toilet leave a person smelling a bit gamey. Not me finest hour!

  3. Baino says:

    No peace for the wicked! I miss the spoiling we got as children. Lucozade and Marvel comics and vegimite soldier boys! Now it’s”you so took the day off didn’t you faker!” Some sympathy! *sniff*. Enjoy your wallowing poor little bunny!

  4. Natalie says:

    Ahhh K8, hope you are sick enough to stay home but not that sick so as not to be able to enjoy it…a fine line to walk I know! Loved the clip and oh so true!!!

  5. K8 says:

    Baino; I miss it too, but having someone call me poor little bunny helps a LOT :)

    Natalie; I’m right on that line, it looks like I might pull through ;) Happy days!

  6. Maxi Cane says:

    K8, you’ve just stopped me in my tracks for my next post. You beat me to it, although I was going to finish with a rather dramatic trip to the hospital with a temperature of 41 for my years of faking it.

  7. Lottie says:

    He he – there is too much truth to that video.

    Hope you’re…em…feeling better.

  8. K8 says:

    Maxi; Yes but your latest is so much more entertaining and liberating!

    Lottie; On the mend! I don’t believe in medicine, just beer. It’s working. (For now)

  9. Lottie says:

    Ah yes – beer cures all ales!

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