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Aug 14

Little brown bag

Posted on Thursday, August 14, 2008 in Jobs, Poems and things

So I was sitting at a taxi rank today reading my paper, and I looked up to see a very common sight.  Bodalorna wrote about it yesterday, it’s a sore subject with many obviously enough, and normally the sight of a grown woman putting a bag of dogshit in her pocket would make me point and laugh, but today I was inspired.  Today I had to write a song about it.

Here’s the first draught:

Little Brown Bag

Six legs walkin’ down the street
Four small paws, two runnered feet
I got my choons, he got his scents
Together we got confidence.

The time is nigh, I know his game
I look away to spare him shame
Sure enough he squares the squat
And gives it everything he’s got

Here it comes, his face is pensive
Squeezing out his best offensive…

You, my doggie dude, I’d do anything for you
I sure as hell will hold your poo
I’ve a wee bag here just for you
Just for you and your special poo

People look and laugh at me
Pickin’ up so dutif’lly
I wonder if they’d be so smug
With dog shit smeared on their new rug?


I got a smelly pocket but it’s alright,
Me, my dog and my bag o’ shite.
It’s really gross but you know it’s right,
Me, my dog and my bag o’ shite.
Me, my dog and my bag o’ shite.

Bring on the comments

  1. Hahahahahahahahaha! I’m doubled up over here – a magnificent choon ennobling the humble pooper-pocketer! Fantastic!

  2. HaHa…Brilliant lyrics, K8. :)

  3. Maureen says:

    Fantastic. I smell a HITt!
    Oh, wait I think it’s S***.

  4. Lorna says:

    OK – that is absolutely perfect! Made me laugh out loud. Thank you for putting it into words. I think I’ll print it out and hand it to the poor beggars walking around with their little “treasures”.

  5. Good job, kicks “smelly cat”s ass anyway. Hmm, bit vivid that.

  6. Darragh says:

    K8, There are advantages of having a guide dog. 1. By law you don’t necessarily have to pick up after them. 2. I’m blind so I don’t have to look at him or …. it…. and of course 3. He’s in a ruteen so generally goes once in the morning and that’s him done with the solid side of things for the day!

    That’s brillient by the way. I can just see you singing it to puppy child. ha!

  7. Baino says:

    OH God! I dread it when Lily takes a dump on a walk. I am not a fan of poetry in any shape or form (except lyrics accompanied by music) but that’s not arf bad Petal. Darragh thanks for the hot tip. Next time I’ll wear me sunnies, dip a stick in some white paint, put a blue ‘guide dog in training’ coat on the Labrador and get away with murder!

  8. Grannymar says:

    Great work missus!

    I love Lorna’s idea of handing it out. Only problem round here – dog walkers think the signs and bins are for decoration. Aghhhhh!

  9. Maxi Cane says:

    Can I buy the rights to that song? I have Louis Walsh’s number, he’s a regular in the old job.

    He’d have to take it, he always releases shite.

  10. Keiron says:

    It does have a certain “catchiness” to it…

  11. Granny says:

    I had a dalliance with Ogden Nash! He is your real dad. But don’t tell Grandad. Because you were born covered in hair and with a beard, he took you for his own. It was great – people threw bananas at you all the time.

  12. Hilarious!!!!
    I always get such a kick out of watching the owners look away like they just saw something interesting down the block. My girlfriend has a new puppy and she says she can tell if he needs to poop by the way his bum looks. I think she needs to get out more.
    Your song needs to be set to music.
    I love it!

  13. Granny says:

    Ha HA Ha, He He He, Little brown bag how I love thee From Sandy.

  14. K8 says:

    Sam; Yeah songs about shit always rule;) Just ask Mr. Hanky.

    JD; Seriously inspirational shit, so it was.

    Maureen; HAHA:) Something’s a bit funky anyway.

    Lorna; I’d love to think that people out there somewhere will be wrapping their doggydoo in my lyrics, thank you!!! I always like to do my bit for the environment…

    Thriftcriminal; That would be a nasty wee jobbie indeed!

    Darragh; *sigh* You have it sorted… Wouldye is very regular too… he chooses a busy pavement and dumps his opinion right there in front of them every time. The reaction to the smell is always hilarious, but shortly lived as I’m the one who has to shovel it somewhere else!

    Baino; At least Lily is a composed lady… Wouldye’s far too exciteable and dopey to get away with that. We could, however, fake a really good madwoman/dog duo. I never thought of that!

    Grannymar; But the signs are hilarious!!! I just adore those little pictures they draw of dogs in the act with the big red line drawn across! They’re classic!

    Maxi Cane; Louis Walsh would turn it into a ballad though and it’s not. It’s meant to be thrash-metal.

    Keiron; I like to think so.

    Ma; It was all that Guinness and bread crusts and porridge you ate while you were pregant; that stuff is bad for a girl’s razor budget.

    Ms. Barbara Jane; My dad gives me a running commentary on what number his dog is doing, just by the look on her face and the angle of her tail. That sort of relationship with a dog is not healthy! I’m going to play with a tune or two on my guitar and see if it works… I’ll let you know when it’s released:)

    Sandy; Thy poo is pure, your look demure, nothing’s too good for your manure – from Woodye

  15. Natalie says:

    This is so FUNNY!!!! And I really needed it because I had just read your Fire post out loud to Malcolm, with several pauses when the lump in my throat would not let the words come out…and tears and nose were streaming (YUK!) Now I feel much better, perhaps you should do a book of poems/songs such talent cannot hide in a taxi forever!!!

  16. Medbh says:

    That’s me, K8, only I carry two bags of poo around the city.

  17. Jo says:

    hey, Kate, I went looking for your blog again, and gave myself a fright, because I got here, and thought, my god, wtf happened! Is it ironic? Have aliens stolen her brain?


  18. K8 says:

    Medbh; I disagree with the whole thing. I’m a shoveller/relocator, not a pocketer. I saw a guy put one in a lunchbox once. Ugh. That’s asking for disaster.

    Xbox4NappyRash; Ta ver’y much.

    Jo; Wow. That blog is amazing. Such a shame she stopped six years ago :( Ok, ok ok. You guessed it. That was me in 2002. No I’m only messin it wasn’t!! OMG it could have been but no it wasnt really LOL!!!

  19. hee hee

    Your so funny katy kins i think you have a no 1 there on your hands. Hmm i suppose there level of self respect when you have carry doggy do do on your person if it was me i would get to the nearset bin pronto and get rid of it sharpish. I better get myself better prepared when the time comes for me to adopt my own little bundle of joy. strangly enough i have my puppys name all ready for him but i cant get him just yet until i get the new house. My name is a bit of a strange one so please dont laugh when i say this. Its going to be max OB the reason being is that i watch a soap drama called hollyoaks and they had these two really fit blokes called max and OB. So max and OB have the greatest of adventures both on and off the show and they are the best of friends off screen which is a great thing to see.

    Now heres hopeing that i get my new home and soon so i can adopt the little ball of fluff that he is fun playful and a good guard dog.

  20. K8 says:

    Yay!!! You’re an official blogger :) Congratulations dude.

    I’ve never watched Hollyoaks, it stands for all I hate about daytime tv which is stupid because I never gave it a chance. Dr. Phil should be in the top spot there.

    I know you don’t believe me, but Rottweilers make extremely loyal and lovable pets. Balls of fluff are no good with thieves and messers. Don’t mind me, though. I live in a dodgyville, where eircom phonewatch isn’t a patch on a snarling wolfdog such as my Wouldye. I love big dogs. I have to introduce you. I’ll have you turned yet!

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