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Aug 5

Watch this space

Posted on Tuesday, August 5, 2008 in Humourarse, Rantings, Something to think about, Taxi driving

A few weeks ago, the acc. terrorist bought one of those flashy LED thingys that scroll pre-programmed messages for the back of our taxi – he’s a sucker for shiny stuff.  It’s pretty much exactly a bit like this one:

You can pre-programme up to 50 messages to display, controlled by an extemely complicated looking remote.  I reckon I could get the hang of it!  I’m trying to think of stuff to display, though I’ve only mustered up these ones so far:

– Thanks!
– Hang up and drive. 
– Turn your f***ing lights down.
– Keep tailgating me, I need the cash.
– Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
– Remember: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
– Warning! I brake for hallucinations.
– Is this a rhetorical question?

I need 42 more.  Give a girl a hand?

-o0o-

What a response!!! Here’s the follow-up:

From Thriftcriminal:
– Awww yeah, overtook your sorry ass!
– Seen the film ‘The Hitcher’?
– Mr. Hanky, the Christmas poo, he loves me and I love you, therefore vicariously he loves you, even if you’re a jew.
– Exterminate! Exterminate!
– Make it so!
– Rigormortis makes me hard

From Me Ma:
– Supercalifradgealisticexpealidocious
– Don’t push yer Granny off the bus
– Free perks on monday – neck massage with every ride

From Me Da:
-Danger! Driver has P.M.T. (predictable but accurate)

From Baino:
– Get in, sit down, shut up, hang on!

From Warrior:
– Imagine, it could be you in this car.
– If you can read this then tell me what the previous line was.
– What are you doing looking at this, look at my brake lights… oh too late.
– Boo!
– You are alone, I am alone, give me a tenner to pay for my petrol, you can walk.
– If you stop following me I won’t tell your wife what you did last night.

From Jefferson Davis:
– Get the f**k out of my way!
– Feck off! (Nice and to-the-point, this one)
– Don’t dare skip on the fare
– No lip, just a tip
– Hire these tyres

From Doc:
– I got some bad ideas in my head
– You talkin’ to me?
– Pssstt… what does the yellow light mean?
– Driver speaks no English
– I knew at an early age I wanted to act
– How’s my drinking?!

From John Braine:
– I’m not getting another ticket just for you.  So back the f**k off!

From Xbox4NappyRash:
– So it goes ‘Accelerator, brake, clutch… I think.

From La Vepista, herself
– You are being watched.
– Slow down, cops ahead!

From a bored person: (Whos style I like!!!)
– Don’t make me go Psycho-Bitch on your annoying ass
– You say I’m a Bitch like it’s a bad thing!
– I’m sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot
– Amazingly enough, I don’t give a shit
– Admitting you’re an asshole is the first step

From Moo Dog:
– You’re so close and ugly, I can tell that your Spitting Image puppet would actually be good looking. Ya prick ya.

From Maxi Cane:
– Baby on board… last person to cut me off in boot!
– Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.
– Giving me the finger won’t turn the roof sign off!
– I’m not a real taxi, I borrowed the sign off Michael O’Leary
– Guess who I had in the car last week… your ma!

-o0o-

*CALCULATING…*

That’s 51 messages!!! Fair play to you all. That’s fucking team-work.

Bring on the comments

  1. Errr, it might be illegal. But anyway, here’s some nerdy ones:

    Awwww yeah, overtook our sorry ass!

    You seen the film “The Hitcher”?

    The chorus from Mr. Hankey the christmas poo

    Exterminate! Exterminate!

    Make it so!

    and my favourite necrophiliac joke:

    Rigormortis makes me hard!

  2. K8 says:

    Bwahah hah hah!

  3. Granny says:

    supercalifragilisticexpalaghosis.

  4. Grandad says:

    Danger! Driver has P.M.T.

  5. Baino says:

    “Get in, sit down, shut up, hang on!”

  6. Granny says:

    DO NOT push ye’r Granny off that bus!

  7. warrior says:

    Imagine it could be you in this car.
    If you can read it then tell me what the previous line was.
    What are you doing looking at this, look at my break lights……..oh too late.
    Boo.
    You are alone, I am alone, give me a tenner to pay for my petrol, you can walk.
    If you stop following me I won’t tell your wife what you did last night.

    And it is highly illegal and dangerous………….but who knows

  8. Get the f**k out of my way!
    Feck off!
    Don’t dare skip on the fare.!
    No lip just a tip, or shut you lip and give me a tip?
    Hire these tyres
    eh?

    Enough rambling from me. :)

  9. Doc says:

    “I got some bad ideas in my head.”

    “You talkin’ to me?”

    “Pssssttt… what does the yellow light mean?”

    “Driver speaks no English.”

    “I knew at an early age I wanted to act.”

    and…

    “How’s my drinking?”

  10. John B says:

    I hate those cars that go right up my arse in the slow lane when I’m nudging the speed limit.

    Would love to have:
    “I’m not getting another ticket just for you. So back the fuck off!”

    I like this one:

    http://www.likecool.com/Drivemocion_Car_Messaging_Sign–Accessories–Car.html

  11. So it goes ‘Accelerator, brake, clutch’… I think…

  12. Caro says:

    You are being watched.

    Slow down, cops ahead.

  13. Bored says:

    How about
    “Don’t make me go Psycho-Bitch on your annoying ass”
    or
    “You say I’m a Bitch Like it’s a Bad Thing”
    or
    “I’m sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot”
    or
    “Amazingly enough, I don’t give a shit”
    or
    “Admiting your an asshole is the first step”

    Just a few I like!

  14. Granny says:

    Free perks on monday M.T Head and neck massage with every ride.

  15. You’re so close and so ugly, I can tell that your spitting image puppet would actually be good looking. Ya prick ya.

  16. Maxi Cane says:

    “Baby on board …… last person to cut me off in boot”

    “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need, roads!”

    “Giving me the finger won’t turn the roof sign off!”

    “I’m not a real taxi, I borrowed the sign off Micheal O’Leary”

    “Guess who I had in the car last week ………. your ma”

  17. K8 says:

    These are fucking priceless! Who’da thought yiz’d be so imaginative!!
    I’m publishing these, brb.

  18. Quickroute says:

    Better late than……

    Caution: Blonde Thinking
    Watch Out For the Idiot Behind Me!
    Keep Honking, I’m Reloading
    Women Make Great Leaders, You’re Following One

  19. conortje says:

    What about Sheep? (It’s my favourite piece of graffiti, seen under a bridge years ago here in NL).

  20. See the pedestrian ahead? No? Then you’re too close.

    (Sorry, that sounds lame, but the number of times I’ve had to jump into ditches because tail-gaters are only watching the car in front is, well, the number of times I’ve ended up hurt and lame).

  21. K8 says:

    Quickroute: Dude. Those are some extremely high calibre messages, your last suggestion will be the first to be programmed in it’s THAT good.

    Conortje: It’s funny because it’s true…

    Primal Sneeze: My father in law (2b) once gave me simple advice… watch the car in front like a hawk, but don’t mind the bollix behind you. He has his own worries.
    It’s so true.. I’ve been rear-ended twice (oo-er) and yes it did hurt like a bitch but at least my insurance stayed healthy and my car got upgraded! Mind you, if the kids were in the car and I saw someone about to aquaplane up my bum, I don’t know what I’d do for sure. That’s a toughie.

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