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Jul 27

Bray Summerfest Airwhatever

Posted on Sunday, July 27, 2008 in Humourarse, Rantings, Strange and Unusual, Taxi driving

Did you hear about the Bray Summerfest Airshow today?

Did you hear about the big planes swooping low over the rooftops and the pretty fighter jets doing loop-de-loops in the clear blue sky and the army with their big trucks and tanks and uniformed men? I bet if you did, you thought ‘Let’s get our asses down there, quick!’ or, ‘Awww, innit a shame we can’t go to see all that great stuff?’ because it all sounded so great, but in reality, it wasn’t.

In reality it sucked.

I started my shift in Bray at lunchtime and drove in first gear to the seafront to see what I could see. Everybody I passed was staring up into the sky like morons – but not me, I kept my eyes on the road and battled onwards and Lo! Just as I was approaching my target I got called upon to pick up Mrs. Boring from Stupidville, without seeing diddly-squat.

When I was finished with Mrs. Boring from Stupidville I got sent up to the Ritz (in best behaviour mode though I can’t see why…) for Mr. Bad-Timing and had to drive all the way out to the airport and back.

When I returned, Bray was one big massive car-park. Cars were everywhere… parked on top of each other, under sleeping dogs, one or two were even parked in little old ladies’ handbags. It was mental. The gardee were everywhere, waving traffic back and forth and making rude gestures at passers by (I gotta say though, they seriously did an excellent job of clearing away every last smear of traffic sludge) so taxi-fares suddenly became extremely awqward.

Throngs of people kept hurling themselves at my car and jumping in regardless of existing passengers and shouting ‘TAKE ME TO THE SEAFRONT PRONTO!!!’, at which point I would take out my BB gun and ask them to make my day and they would slowly get out again.

I was then sent to Tescos to collect two people who had been waiting for over an hour for a cab.  A gentleman and his ladyfriend loaded up their groceries and jumped into the back seat.

“Didya see the airshow?!” the gentleman said excitedly – “It was deadly, wasn’t it?!”

“No I had to go to the airport.” I was grumpy. Very grumpy.

“They had this huuuge carrier jet and it swooped right down over our heads and it was deadly!!!!”

“So you said.”

“Do you not like ‘planes?” He was dissapointed at my lack of enthusiasm.

“I bloody love ‘planes, so can you shut up about it now?”

“Right, subject changed. Did ya see the big army tank?!”

“NO!!!!!”

45 minutes later thanks to aforementioned sludge, we arrived at his house and the meter read €27.40. This was a tad cruel seeing we had only travelled the length of a football field, so I waived it and charged him a tenner instead.

“Wow, that’s really kind of you, thanks!” the gentleman’s missus said. Then, as an afterthought as she was leaving the car she added;

“Sorry your job sucks. You should try to arrange to get time off next year!”

Yeah. Some tip. Thanks wench.

Bring on the comments

  1. We saw some of it as it flew over Dun Laoghaire. We dragged the sprogs over the to the peoples park there in an effort to tire them out and get lunch at the same time. Didn’t work, they were still awake at 10.00 at night and the felaffel wrap gave me major wind. Nearly lifted off myself.

  2. Maxi Cane says:

    I didn’t hear about the air show. I feel kind of left out. I would have gone, seeing as how the taxis were so cheap and all!!!!!

  3. fran says:

    Kate , is it me or has your demeanour changed since you turned into a taxi ?

  4. Baino says:

    Awww . . love an air show but think of the environmental pain in the ass they cause . . .There, do you feell better for not supporting the wanton afterburn of a few FA18’s?

  5. kerryview says:

    thnx for this post. it reminds of all the reasons I left the big smoke all those years ago. but then again, I don’t have air-shows, or taxi people who have the decency to think the fare too high in certain circumstances!!

  6. K8 says:

    Thriftcriminal; I’ve never tried felaffel, sounds too much like ‘felt awful’ and thanks to your testimony it looks like it does. Puppychild has sleeping issues too, and I don’t blame her… it’s really difficult to fall asleep in broad daylight!

    Maxi Cane; Not taxis in general I’m afraid, just me. I’m a Grade A sucker, see.

    Fran; Sort of, I’m normally like… stairs, I let people walk all over me sometimes so I guess I’m a bit tougher, yes.
    This post though? Planes fascinate me no end, I would so love to be a pilot so a free public airshow is like 20 Christmasses and Birthdays all rolled into one for me. I’m absolutely raging I missed it but it was actually a pretty nice and lucrative day, I even got to ogle one or two armed men so that was nice.

    Baino; But it’s so cooooooll! Sorry, but if someone offered me a go in an FA18 I would happily shaft the environment ;)

    Kerryview; I’m hoping to start a new genre of honest and virtuous taxi drivers, but in the meantime I feel like a bit of a plonker…

  7. warrior says:

    YOu will never make any money that way. Letting people off every time you think it is not fair. Life is not fair, and neither are airshows.
    If you could rob the tank you could charge a 100 quid a ride.
    They do that in monaco you know, bring you for a spin and charge you an arm a leg for the pleasure but only in some flat red thingy that sounds really loud….. you could make a lot of money if you had one.

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