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May 25

Top five presents to give to people you don't like

Posted on Sunday, May 25, 2008 in Uncategorized

Ahhh. I love it when the Kleeneze people come around. A catalogue full of interesting things you don’t need at low-low prices…

5… For honest homeowners:

4… Au-hairigizmo?

3… Make banana abuse history:

2… For when the bog-roll Barbie just isn’t enough:

1.. ‘Fat bottomed girls’ must be a riot!

Bring on the comments

  1. I was in a doctors waiting-room once and they had ambient pan-pipe music playing softly. I’d been waiting for about 15 minutes or thereabouts when the pan-pipe version of My Heart Will Go On from Titanic came on. It just wouldn’t end . It went on and on until I could simply not stand another second of it adn so I left unseen.

    If I’d been one of the goldfish in the tank in that office, you would have found me swinging at the end of a tiny weedy noose hung from the ramparts of my tiny underwater castle.

  2. Nick says:

    Ah yes, all wonderful additions to the household. Actually I have the mat already, in fact I have the rest of the set including “You still owe me £50”, “Your knickers are showing”, “Didn’t you cut me up on the ring road?” and “It must be awful to have a face like that”.

  3. K8 says:

    Sam, Problemchildbride; Ugh. Wouldn’t blame you in the slightest. Could you imagine being a professional pan-pipe player? What a depressing job.

    Nick; Heee! Hey, I was trying to post a comment on your blog but it keeps telling me to bugger off, so I’ll comment here instead! Oh wait, I’ve forgotten what I was going to say now… ;)

  4. I seriously love that mat.

    Of course I’d need it translated into Dutch, and like everything that crosses that great divide, it would lose it’s humour.

    Bananas scare me.

  5. Grannymar says:

    I’ll order one of each for Elly & George’s new home. I’m sure they will love them :roll: :lol:

  6. Nick says:

    Sorry about the glitch, K8 – effing Blogger up to its tricks. Do try again, xbox managed to comment!

  7. Brianf says:

    I love the Welcome mat. A long time ago I had one that simply stated, “Go Away”. I wish I could find one like that again.

  8. I want a mat too! :) Maybe one especially for family. :)

  9. K8 says:

    Xbox4nappyrash; CF: How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana

    Grannymar; I’m sure they will love you!!!

    Nick; Worked! Thanks :)

    Brianf; I’m thinking a doll’s head in a bucket of maggots ought to do the trick…

    Jefferson; Hmmm… the mat’s popular alright. Might order one for use as a prize for winners of caption competitions?

  10. Baino says:

    Am I weird or is the banana guard a good idea? Ours ripen very quickly in the heat . . .nah . . second thoughts . . .

  11. Maxi Cane says:

    That vacuum cover looks hot! Does it come as a red head?

  12. Medbh says:

    I thought the banana thingie was a vibrator at first.

  13. Brianf says:

    “Brianf; I’m thinking a doll’s head in a bucket of maggots ought to do the trick…”
    I tried that one…didn’t work. I also tried concertina wire, claymores and pit vipers but none of them had the panache of the ‘Go Away’ mat at the front door.

  14. Medbh’s obviously got a very dirty mind lol. Although I must admit I thought it looked a bit pervy too ;0)

  15. King Bob says:

    I find the banana guard fairly offensive, probably more so since an ex-colleague of mine had one and couldn’t resist using it to enhance himself in his cycling shorts.

    My girlfriend is addicted to these catalogues and will often order absolute junk disguised as useful kitchenware. The JML miracle slicer is a prime example, which when unpackaged refused to slice anything and now lies languishing in a cupboard somewhere. When we die I pity the poor bastards who have to clear my house, they will be saddled with combinations of plastic/tupperware/blades that will boggle the mind.

  16. K8 says:

    Baino; Yep, you’re weird.. but who isn’t?!

    Xbox4NappyRash; Makes for a good afternoon’s reading, that catalogue.

    Maxi Cane; You have issues.

    Medbh; ‘Not for any use other than intended’… yeah, right.

    Brianf; I never figured you for a man who’d use the word ‘Panache’.

    English Mum; I have a convent education so I’ve no idea what you’re talking about!!!

    King Bob; I gave up ordering stuff after the busted radiator bleeder and the snapped clothespegs and the freezer defroster spray which was as effective as a can of cold water.

    I once sliced the corner of my right thumb off as a result of momentary distraction using a miracle slicer, and I’ve been too scared to use it since! I do have a pretty cool thumbprint now, though.

  17. Brianf says:

    You’re right I should have said it didn’t have the… “je ne sais quoi”


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