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Apr 27

The hills are cold in these parts…

Posted on Sunday, April 27, 2008 in Hackney Cabbing, Rantings

Our house wasn’t broken into last night thank Jehovah, but instead I was robbed today in broad daylight  at work.

You might be imagining poor K8 the Gr8 wrestling for dear life with a scumbag and a handbag full of takings, but no, I’m learning a more sinister truth lately… it’s the Toffs in the hills surrounding Bray that are the real scoundrels.

I was sent to a large modern house on Nouveau Riche Avenue in the suburbs of Bray to pick up Mr and Mrs Toff.  I was supposed to be bringing them to Blacklyon (in Bray or Greystones or wherever the hell it is), but soon found out that they wanted to go to Knocklyon, which is near Firhouse on the M50.  CHA-CHING!- thinks me, as I radio the correction in.


Base: Ok, go ahead K8, That’ll be €48.

Mr Toff: (who is sitting beside me) No.  No no no no no.  That’s too much.  That would bring me to the airport! No no no, €30.

I am stuck in a really nasty spot.  I now have to radio in the complaint to see if Base will drop the price, when I know they won’t.  I dither on the CB for a few seconds, then Mr Toff decides to ring the base himself.

He argues loudly and gives Headquarters hell, screaming about rates and distance and time and reports to management, then he orders me to bring him back home.  His wife supports her husband by repeating the last word of each sentence back to him, which bugged the shit out of me.

Mr. Toff: This is absolutely ridiculous (now off the phone) behaviour from a reputable company.  We shall never call this company again besides the call they’ll get from me tomorrow morning with proof that their rates are extortionate.  Blah blah blah blah rant rant rant, all the way home.  In my face, too, which was really bloody distracting.


When I dropped Mr and Mrs Toff back to their house (may it burn to the ground), they gave me absolutely no money for my time at all, even though I was polite throughout the whole ordeal.  I had just wasted 40 minutes of my workday on two wankers just for the sake of being nice.  I should have kicked them out of the car the second I realised they weren’t going to pay!!! 

Curse this fucking need to please!!!!

I’m absolutely fucking raging that I didn’t kick them out right there on the N11 and get to bask in the image of their angry lost faces getting smaller and smaller in my rear-view mirror as I drove away for a proper fare.

I have most definately learned my lesson for the next time this happens.

“Sorry mate, pay up or stay here.  It’s not personal, it’s business!”


Bring on the comments

  1. Baino says:

    Absolutely . . I feel for you. My nephew did a runner from a cab once after making the driver take him to a kebab bar about 20 minutes away. I was woken up by the police at 5am, taxi driver in tow seeking his fare! Maybe you could do the same . . just a thought.

  2. K8 says:

    Baino; I doubt the Guardee around here would be arsed knocking on some asshole’s door for €15 though. Or would they? I’d love to see that.

  3. Grandad says:

    their house (may it burn to the ground)

    That can be arranged. Please forward details of their address [in private, if you think that is necessary].

    There will be no charge, apart from a free taxi service to the pub and back.

  4. K8 says:

    With pleasure, Daddyo, with pleasure…

  5. Maxi Cane says:

    I feel your pain, the service industry would be great if it wasn’t for the public.

  6. Granny says:

    Install an eject button and a roof window, and just say ‘bye bye…. have a nice flight’.

  7. Perhaps they are about to loose their gaff due to the downturn? Man money has made some of these gimps obnoxious, quibbling over €18 and then probably dropping more on a [adopts Ross O’Carroll Kelly voice] “nice couple of bottles of red”. Bungholes, don’t wanna pay, don’t get a taxi.

  8. conortje says:

    You’re definitely too polite. It just doesn’t pay with people like that. Sorry you had to meet them :-(

  9. Nick says:

    Conor’s right, Kate. You’ll have to grow a thicker skin and tell these arseholes where to go. In fact I thought that was the basic qualification for being a cabbie – an armadillo-like hide.

  10. Darren says:

    Is it ok if I laugh at this? I feel sorry for you and all, but it’s just damn hillarious! :D

  11. What a pair of fuckwits.

    I have to say the bit about yer wan chiming in and repeating the last word of the hubby’s most recent sentence, THAT’S the bit that makes me want to decapitate these bastards.

  12. I hate the injustice of this kind of thing – one person thinks they’re being ripped off so they think it’s OK to rip someone else off in return. It totally undermines their point. If they really wanted to make a point, they would have had a much stronger case if they’d paid you for your time and shown they were willing to pay. People have no right to complain about unfair treatment when they themselves treat someone as badly as they treated you.


  13. Brave, tipsy me would have kicked them out also, but normal me would have brought them home too probably.

    and given them a fiver for the inconvenience.

  14. Sweetie, I think it’s lovely that you’re still polite, even with tossers like that. Show’s you’ve been well brunged up by the hairy one. xx

  15. manuel says:

    The dirty rotten low life bastards……….I’m really angry for you…..I sort of get the same at work when you give them the bill……I wouldn’t mind but it;s not like the menus isn’t fucking priced……grrrrrrrrrrrr

  16. Medbh says:

    Next time you’ll get the folks who don’t want to pay fucked off on the road, K8.
    I doubt they’d have abused a man driver.

  17. That’s outrageous.

    Small claims court?

    Next time the toffs won’t pay drop them off in an “undesirable” area of town and watch them hoof it back home.

  18. Kirk M says:

    I had a sure cure for that.

    “Fine then, you get off here!” “Here” usually meant in the middle of the interstate or somewhere deep in the hills. Hopefully it was raining. Once you get some more time “in the saddle” you’ll be able to pick out the troublemakers beforehand and you’ll also be able to give them a pretty accurate quote on how much a trip is going to be based on the starting point and the destination.

    Takes a bit of time but you’ll eventually have a map with all the rates from here to there filled in, revolving around in your head. You’ll also never get lost again even if you haven’t been somewhere before. Cab drivers never get lost. :P

  19. manuel says:

    actually what medbh said is right……should’ve turfed them out…..

  20. warrior says:

    You will find as you grow old, (:-) ) the real scumbags in life are those who regard others as scumbags and themselves as gods… time when you let them out of the car, do humanity a favour and reverse over them.

  21. warrior says:

    oooh yeah small claims court great idea.

  22. TenaciousT says:

    Nasty stuff alright…wouldnt they have thought to ask before getting into the cab in the first place…I’m with the ejector seat idea;-)
    Hope yesterday was better for you:-)
    Tagged you….

  23. Rick says:

    Let me know if you need an accomplice Grandad, particularly if there’s a pint at the end of it…

  24. K8 says:

    MaxiCane; In-bloody-deed.

    Ma; Does the gubment subsidise ejector seats?

    Thriftcriminal; Wouldn’t mind but yer wan had a carrier-bag full of bottles of wine! I hope every single one of them was corked.

    Conortje; A good friend of mine told me that being polite is a good quality, but being politely firm is a different matter altogether. I’m glad I met them, they taught me a lesson.

    Nick; It’s not mentioned in the test, but it probably should be, at least in the small-print.

    Darren; I’ll be laughing with you when I get to see me da and Rick O’Shea torch their gaff!

    Terence McDanger; I almost expected her to suddenly fly up and perch on her husband’s shoulder. I could’ve had some fun with her but unfortunately she was wearing a seat-belt.

    Jenny; The richer these people get, the less they feel they have to be civil to the working-classes. Proves you don’t have to be intelligent to be rich…

    Xbox4nappyrash; So you’re saying I should bring a Naggin of Vodka with me to work? Not a bad idea…

    English Mum; I’m trying really hard to find the line between politeness and being just a plain old doormat, though.

    Manuel; Yep there are indeed a shit load of similarities in our jobs, aren’t there? Namely that you need a seriously powerful sense of humour to survive in them.

    Medbh; It’s me own fault. I’ve got to learn how to wipe the sheepish look off my face when people start shouting at me and take control of the skituation! I needs tough-bitch lessons.

    Sam and Warrior ; €15 is an EXTREMELY small claim though. I’m just going to mark it down as the cost of experience and hope that someday Mr Toff gets his come-uppance somehow, as he no doubt will.

    Kirk M; I gots me a Sattelite Nagivation system now, so I’m soytently not getting lost in the future! Man, those things are excellent inventions.

    Manuel#2; Knowing my luck Mr Toff would’ve sued me and won. He seemed like that sort of wanker.

    Warrior#2; Funnily enough the ‘scumbags’ are the far more reliable punter, they rarely dither over fares, they just want to talk. They consider it to be a type of therapy, which I’m happy to provide!

    TenaciousT; Yesterday was slooooow but today was hectic! I’m minted now :) Wooooohoooo! I’ve done this tag once or twice but I’ll honour it without forwarding it if that’s ok wit you!

    Rick; Knowing Grandad he’ll want to celebrate with the home-made stuff. Bring Alka-Seltzer.

  25. Grandad says:

    Knowing Grandad he’ll want to celebrate with the home-made stuff. Bring Alka-Seltzer.

    … and a bucket.

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