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Apr 26


Posted on Saturday, April 26, 2008 in Family, Strange and Unusual

I was alone in the house last night, and was doing what I usually do after work… I had let the dog in and fed him, had then turned off all the downstairs lights and toddled on up to the computer room to stare at the screen for a few hours before bed.

Thing is, while I was lost in cyberland, a noise from downstairs entered my consciousness.  The front door handle was rattling.  I froze and listened.  There was silence for about 10 seconds, then suddenly a fierce growling began, followed by ‘RAWR RAR RAR RAR RAWR!!!!’ which was the comforting sound of Wouldye going mental.  I went downstairs, found the door unlocked but closed, had a good look up and down the street, then came back inside to calm the mutt (who I had presumed had seen a cat and had tried to open the front door himself to chase it).

Tonight after work, TAT told me that Mrs. Two Doors Down had been broken into… last night!

He told me that the Gardee had been up earlier that day to take fingerprints, and that they had an eyewitness account of a man looking in MY front window and attempting to enter the premises while I was upstairs.

Atta boy, Wouldye. 

Did I ever tell you I absolutely love my dog?

Yes, I have indeed inserted the sharp contents of my kitchen drawers into many hidden nooks and crevices around the house for easy access, and there is a souvenir police baton hidden under my coat-rack in the hall.   He can fuck right off if he thinks me and my dog are easy victims.

I’ll let you know tomorrow if I was broken into tonight or not, and whether I kicked ass or let Wouldye do all the work.  Stay tuned!


Bring on the comments

  1. Caoimhin says:

    Thank goodness for man’s best friend! Good doggy! Keep the door locked and a light on downstairs for the next while ok? Be safe!

  2. Kate says:

    Well, yuck. Personally I’m a big, huge fan of not being the victim of a crime… perhaps you could try it, too?

    Extra doggie treats all around!

  3. Granny says:

    Sure that eejit of a dog would invite him in and make him a cuppa and you could all be friends. He wont come back though now that he has seen the hound at least the one our Sandy scared off never came back and we got a lovely double glazed window out of it. still it did leave me with the willies.

  4. Baino says:

    They get braver and braver . . .my dogs would have licked him to death and shown him around the house! Then again, I have nothing worth pinching . . wish someone would knock off this old Dell and I could buy a decent PC! Lock up tight now petal.

  5. Maxi Cane says:

    You could always dress up like a burglar, meet him at the door and say something like: “Sorry mate, I’ve already had this one.”. Or ask him if he has accepted Jesus into his life, offering to tell him why he should, either way it should make him think twice before going back.

  6. Brianf says:

    My British Army issued Sykes-Fairbairn knife lives on the night stand but I will reach for the Mossberg Defender 12 guage instead.
    In my opinion if someone wants to break into your house then they have the right to be buried out back

  7. Bloody hell, you seem pretty calm after that. I’d be a bag of nerves, and I’d have the knife collection distributed about my person, and the 1 foot length of 10mil re-bar from the shed in easy reach. Doggies rule, my oldest is starting to drop hints so I’d guess it won’t be too long before we get one.

    Lock the door please.

  8. Grannymar says:

    Scary stuff!

    I live in a bungalow so once the lights go on, I close the blinds.

    Stay safe.

  9. Good for Wouldye.

    I didn’t think I’d like living in an upstairs flat before we moved into one, but of all the places I’ve lived, this feels the safest. You’d have to be pretty dead set on getting up here to bother trying. Which is good because the fiercest thing we have to protect us is a grumpy teddy bear called Truffle, and I doubt he’d be much use. Dogs are much better! Keep the door locked too though.

  10. Medbh says:

    Dogs Rule!
    I always have a weapon close by when I’m alone in the house, K8.
    Be safe.

  11. Get ’em Wouldye! Be careful, K8!

    @Brian F. The Mossberg company makes a fine line of guns, but my Remington 870 (nickel plated) will go circles around your Mossberg! :) It is pretty and deadly! :)

  12. Nick says:

    He’d be daft to try the same street two nights running but you never know. Yes, keep plenty of weapons handy and show no mercy if he appears! He deserves everything he gets.

  13. K8 says:

    Caoimhín; I am waaaay ahead of you… Woudye is now on full roaming priviledges.

    Kate; You’re right, I see myself having a darker role… you know, like one of those ‘it’s always the quiet ones’ sort of people?

    Mudder; Grandad has lost all rights to the claim that my dog is stupid. Wouldye probably saved his daughter’s (and probably his grandkid’s *shudder*) life! Aren’t you glad now you gave him all those lamb bones?

    Baino; Thanks for the concern… my doors are now more locked than Shane McGowan.

    Maxi Cane; I see myself as more of a Lara Croft…

    Brian; Yes but I’m a hippy and I’m dubious of guns. Hey do you remember that scene in The Big Lebowski with the air-gun gag?
    I am definately getting myself one of those but.

    Thriftcriminal; Oh if you can stand dogs then definately get one!! Mongrels are more loyal and tend to live longer- get a big dog with a bit of collie in him! Jeez I’m broody for a puppy, don’t mind me.

    Grannymar; Isn’t it? All sorts of alternative scenes keep ploughing through my mind.

    Jenny; My door is so locked it has a hang-over every morning nowadays.

    Medbh; It’s getting to the stage where I’m secreting weapons in my hair! Chopsticks can be sharpened quite adequately.

    Jefferson Davis; I can’t wait to bring you on a Grandad Sandy Wouldye walk :)
    As for the gun, if I did have to choose, it would be a Stoner 63. Lara doesn’t do shotguns.

  14. K8 says:

    Nick; I bet if I injured him he’d be legally entitled to sue for damages though. It’s a mad mad mad mad world.

  15. Nick says:

    K8, there have been huge arguments about burglary and self-defence in the UK. The courts are beginning to accept that you’re entitled to do pretty much anything to defend your own property and the burglar has exempted himself from normal legal protection.

  16. Mongrels tend to be brighter too. That said I like beagles, but we’d go to a shelter and find one who needed a bit o love. My friend was adopted by a dog. It jumped into his car in Fairview and has stayed ever since. It was in pup too. Dog made a good choice, clever thing.

  17. Darren says:

    A souvenir police baton? Is there a story behind that?

  18. Ben says:

    Money says its that Russian artist you had over for a swingers partyu that time. Saw a section in the Emergency Handbook to cater for Russian Swinging Artists!

  19. warrior says:

    Hope you are okay luv……………let me know when you are online sometime we can have a laugh……….lookout he is behind you……aren’t you g

  20. K8 says:

    Nick; Really?! It’s about bloody time! Such a stupid law.

    Thriftcriminal; Dogs are a surprisingly excellent judge of character. Says a lot for your friend!

    Darren; Shit I’m not supposed to talk about that, sorry.

    Ben; I never got an emergency handbook! Man, this neck of the woods is worse than I thought… they don’t care if we perish. I read a copy though… seriously expensive printing work, innit? Waste of…. what was that?

    Warrior; You know I actually did look over my shoulder there? You reached me with the power of your mind and I’m scared. Back off, right?!
    Re. the online thing… I’m still clinging hopelessly to dial-up here. When we finally move we will be in Skype city so if you can hang on ’till July… or September… or summer ’09 (council dwellings are unpredictable that way) then I’ll certainly be pinging you :)

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