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Apr 1

Car 28 is bored

Posted on Tuesday, April 1, 2008 in Hackney Cabbing, Jobs, Something to think about

I worked my first day as a taxi-driver today.

My first customer was a really sound one armed-bloke from Los Angeles.  He is thinking about opening a Mexican restaraunt in Bray which I very verbally fully supported, as there aren’t many places you can find good chili around Wicklow.

I then had an airport run, so got to spazz around on the M50 for a while listening to my choons in the early springtime sunshine, so that was pretty nice. 

I’ll tell you what though, it’s nifty having a CB radio.  There was a quiet spell at 6 o’clock when I got to sit on my thumb and read the paper for a whole hour, and I got bored.  There was no chatter at all on the radio, Bray was dead.  Everyone must have decided to walk home I suppose.  I had to resist some serious temptation to press the button and tell a really dirty joke. 

Somebody dare me to do it.  Give me something really short but pee-inducingly funny to say on the CB and I’ll do it.  Go on, I know you have material.  Cough it up.

Bring on the comments

  1. You set an awfullly high standard: pee inducing? Are most of the other drivers women? I don’t know many men that pee when they laugh.
    I think I would go with a simple, but hearty belch.

  2. K8 says:

    Oh gosh, you’re right. For those of you blessed with longer tubes, I mean fart-inducingly. Okaaaaayyy?

  3. doc says:

    crap…here goes:

    Paddy, for t’was himself, was walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.

    He meets a neighbor who asks “You sheerin’, man?”

    To which Paddy says “Naw, they’re all mine.”

  4. @K8: isn’t God great?

    @Doc: isn’t like telling a Polish joke to Poles?

  5. Welcome to the brotherhood. I can stick you on the other blogroll now!

    funny Quote eh ????????

    I’ve just invented the best road safety device ever! just stick a picture of a Garda car onto the rear view mirror

    TADUM!

    OK……… I’ll get me coat

  6. Tim says:

    Scene: The Outback, Australia.

    American tourist finds an outback watering hole and orders a beer.
    He then needs to go to the jax, and asks for directions,
    “Out the back door and climb the pile of shit, theres a dunny on top”
    He goes out finds a pile with a ladder, and sure enough there is a toilet on top, he settles down to business when he hears a roar.
    “Hey mate” he looks in the direction of the shout and sees another pile of shit with a local sitting on top, the local says “you must be new around here” the American says “why is that?” to which the local replies, “You are in the ladies”

    Might be a bit long winded for the CB……..

  7. Foreigner says:

    Seriously cool, being a cabby I mean!

    Now you can torture total with outrageous & mad lectures on politics, social issues & general philosophy and THEY CAN NOT ESCAPE!

    Life of bliss and utter satisfaction.

    If I wasn’t such a crap driver (OR had any knowledge of local roads) I’d go for that meself.

    Sorry, absolutely useless with jokes though. Gotta suck at something (except driving. and sense of direction. other than that I’m perfect.)

  8. Nick says:

    Sounds like a nice relaxed start. No one accused you of taking the scenic route or called you luv or asked you to wait while they visited the cashpoint and then legged it. And it must be good to be your own boss and not beholden to some mean-eyed manager.

  9. How much from Amsterdam central station to Schiphol airport?

    Probably bloody cheaper than the hawks charge me here anyway.

  10. Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

    Stu said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”

    Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?”

  11. Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve a Redneck Murder :

    1. All the DNA is the same.
    2. There are no dental records.

  12. Camron says:

    Congrats on day #1!

    Q: What happens to a lawyer who takes Viagra?

    A: He gets taller.

  13. Baino says:

    A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over a curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”The passenger, who was frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

    Okay . . oldie but it’s clean!

  14. K8 says:

    Doc; As a resident of Boggerland, Co. Wicklow, this one is most appreciated, and will be shared with all the Farmers John in this area. “For t’was himself” makes it! Fair play to ya, don’t mind that Sixty lad.

    Roy; Thanks man! I’m quite liking this taxi gig so far. CB is EXTREMELY handy for the copper speedy-camera head’s up!!

    Tim; Ha! Maybe, but I could always write it on the inside of the base’s toilet door!!

    Foreigner; ‘Tis true, I can lecture all I want now, can’t I?!? I fell in love with an old man with a skinful of pints on him earlier… he was so endearing, apart from the Guinness gas which I turned a deaf ear to.

    Nick; Yes I’m sort of my own boss, I’m a hackney who can only take calls for a cab company but the folks in there seem to be extremely sound people, so that’s lucky.

    Xbox4NappyRash; Jeez you wouldn’t catch me taxiing over there.. all those cycle/pedestrian/tram lanes freaked me out. Mind you that was probably because I was extremely caned at the time…

    Thriftcriminal; I knew I could rely on you! :) :) :)

    Camron; A little pee actually did come out there… that is EXACTLY what I’m looking for. Thank youp!

    Baino; :) :) Never heard that one before!!! It shall be used next time I get that drunken old man back in my cab.

  15. K8 says:

    Going Like Sixty; She certainly does seem to have a nasty sense of humour!!!

  16. Camron says:

    Thank ‘youp’? Have we been drinking?

    Along the same lines…

    Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with Rogaine?

    A: Don King.

    (Sorry, sugar, but that’s all I got. My memory is for shit. Unless you want ‘blonde’ (or in the UK, Essex) girl jokes, in which case I have tons.

    But Meabh might kick my ass, and I don’t want to invite that kind of horror…

  17. K8 says:

    No, I used to say ‘thank youp’ a bit when I was a kid… don’t ask me why! As for why I used it here? That was a type-fart.

    Medbh’s all right… she loves all that stuff underneath ;) I can never pull off blonde jokes – I always manage to offend at least one person because their uncle’s sister-in-law was blonde.

  18. Camron says:

    I think that’s the point of those jokes…

    (A male friend of mine in college wore a T-shirt that said, “Please speak slowly – I’m a natural blonde.” It was a hoot.

  19. K8 says:

    I’m a fan of bumper stickers to that effect… ‘caution, blone thinking’ or ‘grow your own dope- plant a man!’ always entertain me :)

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