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Mar 27

Blue Rain

Posted on Thursday, March 27, 2008 in Family, Rantings

I have another problem.

You might read the following and advise me to pull the silver spoon out of my sphincter.  Part of me wouldn’t blame you.  This subject just disturbs the hell out of me.

“Fuck, man.  I just fell off the fuckin’ wall again and it fuckin’ hurts like a cunt.  Jesus Christ.  Arrgh.. Fuck.  Fuckin’ cunt.”

This is a direct quote from an eight year old kid on my road.  I happen to like this kid, and I’ve had pretty interesting conversations with him in the past.  The problem is though, that his dear old mum is apparently completely useless at her job.  She’s the hoop-earring shiny tracksuit type who loves to flirt loudly with anything possessing a penis over the age of 18.  She can be heard screaming phrases like;

“Jason, get off that fucking wall or I’ll fucking beat the shit out of you… no no, don’t even try to be a fuckin’ smartarse with me, sunshine!” 

Charming, isn’t it?  Medbh wrote a post today about how goddamn inappropriate this sort of street-theatre is.

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I think I know why Jason curses so much; obviously because he hasn’t learned any better from his mother, but I clearly get the impression that it’s the only way he’ll get attention or love from anybody.  He was absolutely delighted when I yelled at him for teaching Puppychild the word ‘cunt’ which she sang loudly to us for several days.  He apologised, and said he wouldn’t curse again in front of the smallest kids.  He now warns me when he sees me, and advises me to close my ears.  What a thoughtful little smartarse.

I’m past the stage of wanting to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget.  Tying the child to a lamp-post and writing his most commonly used words in indelible marker all over his face wouldn’t solve anything.  Neither would accidentally running him over.  I respect the kid far too much to hurt him, but I can’t take it anymore.  The blind white rage I feel when I hear him echo his hapless mother’s favourite expressions is too much to bear.

Then of course comes the torture I have to put Puppychild through every time this Jason kid leaves his house.  To avoid my kid getting wet from the blue rain, I have to drag her kicking and screaming away from her cute little friends.  If I’m lazy about this, I get to hear little gems like ‘Mommy, I fuckin’ hungry’ for the rest of the evening. 

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I want to take the kid aside and talk to him, reach him somehow in some way that his mum certainly isn’t.  I want him to know that I think he’s a cool kid, that I haven’t written him off as a budding scumbag like everyone else has.  I want to scrape the filth off the surface of this kid and find the strong, friendly and funny kid that lies underneath.

How in the name of Marilyn Manson am I supposed to do this though?  Kids like these are like time-bombs.  If I set him off, that’s him screwed forever, he hasn’t a chance at a straight life.  What do I say to him?!?  How do I show him my respect without looking like a total fucking muppet?

Why do I care anyway?  Because nobody else will, and it’s in my path.  Maybe Karma has it set in stone that I have to solve this problem before I get to move out.  I don’t know.  I do know that this place is driving me nuts, and not in a character building way… it’s more like a soul-implosion.

Why haven’t they written a ‘Humanity Restoration for Dummies’ book yet?

Bring on the comments

  1. I remember the one and only time I encountered a child with Tourette syndrome and I’ll admit I laughed when I heard him swear.
    I don’t think it’s that.

    To me he sounds like some bloggers who don’t really need to use swear words when they post, but do just to look ‘cool’. I’m sure he’ll grow out of it , while the ‘mature’ bloggers I mention probably won’t.

  2. H says:

    I can’t offer advice on what to say to this child, but I can tell you that I was (and still am) an exceptionally foul-mouthed child and I turned out reasonably okay…I think.

    Then again, my mother wasn’t a hoop-ringed cock jockey, not from what I remember anyway!

    You could try and tell him that excessive cursing is a sign of mental retardation and he should stop unless he wants the other kids to think that he’s slowly, but surely, on his way to a ‘special home’

  3. Brianf says:

    Boy, that’s a tough one. I wish I had some magical words for ya’ but I do not. I should think talking to him about it would be a long drawn out process for him to internalize what you mean and why you mean it. His home life is showing him every thing in opposite to what you want to say to him.
    Damn, I hope your new house is finished soon.

  4. Probably won’t work but the old different strokes for different folks (wachootalkinbout) explanation could work, I mean just some people swear habitually and it’s OK to swear around them, others don’t and it’s not, and knowing the difference is a grown up way to behave. It’s a good lesson to learn in terms of evaluating unfamiliar social situations before donning the appropriate character for the situation. I had to moderate my own language around the smalls, now ‘pants’ it the swear of the moment. Oh, and don’t let the soul implode too much, we like you. Hope things move on for you soon.

  5. Left out in the rain says:

    First time reading your blog – down to earth, witty and so true to life !
    Looking forward to reading many more posts.

  6. Foreigner says:

    I can see how you feel you have to do something. Anything.

    Gonna be tough though.

    If his mother uses aforementioned four-letter words on daily-hourly basis then it is unfortunately just a language he grew up with. His background enforces it continuously so deep down I doubt he will see any wrong in it UNLESS he will be placed into surroundings with totally different language patterns.

    Peer pressure does it. Lecturing grown-up – rarely.

    Thriftcriminals approach might somewhat work though, provided you are able to get him relaxed and comfortable and willing to listen beforehand.

    Cookies?

  7. K8 says:

    Cyberscribe; Hellos and ta so much for commenting :) Swearing is a strange thing… sometimes I think it really works to give you a sense of true emotion, especially in blogs. Then of course there’s shock-value which is pretty funny sometimes – it’s very hard not to laugh when a tiny child says ‘Deezus!’ Some bloggers and kids like the one I’m talking about only curse to get a rise, possibly because they’re low on alternative descriptive words, but mostly for effect. I’ve a feeling this kid won’t be growing out of it for this reason.

    H; Thanks for your cents! This is one of those kids who’s standard response is ‘SO?’ which is always an argument stopper. Hey I wonder if you desensitised yourself? Sort of like the kid who loves sweets but grows up bored of sugar…

    Brian; You’re probably right, it would take a lot of chipping to break down that sort of wall. Hey I could always try the ‘Clockwork Orange’ treatment on his ma? heh heh…

    Thriftcriminal; Thanks mang! Yep, we use ‘pants’ ‘sugar’ and ‘frack’ (good oul’ Battlestar G!) a lot nowadays. I had a really hard time stemming the swears… it’s such an involuntary thing, innit? Sometimes I find meself walking right up to an excellent curse in posh company but have to dive at the last second… I hate that. “Ahh yes, Al Gore’s theory really does seem to be a big pile of sh… um.. shameless er.. manipulation? I’ll get my coat…”

    Left out in the rain; Ahh wow, thanks! *shucks* Well appreciated ray of sunshine in an otherwise pessimistic looking day :) Do you do any blog writeage yourself?

  8. K8 says:

    Foreigner; Hey stranger!!! This kid is really open and I seem to have his respect which is a great start. I just have no idea as to how 8 year old boys think. Do I compare him to Superman or Xibit? I hate trying to be cool to reach people.

  9. Brianf says:

    A little horrorshow tolchocking just might be the ticket.

  10. Tim says:

    I remember teaching my then 6 year old brother to say “fuck”, he of course repeated it at the dinner table as “puck”, when he dropped his fork, I immediately got a dig from the da without so much as a “did you teach him to say that” but that was 25 years ago and beating the shit out of kids didn’t work then and it won’t work now, even though it was well used on us, not suggesting you employ or think of such a method. Your “kid” probably thinks its cool as long as it gets him attention, and the more attention the more encouraged etc.
    The brother after my lesson how to say “fuck” has developed into a mature adult,he only swears as moderately as 20 Major these days.

  11. Medbh says:

    Love that LOL Cat.

    K8, I bet this boy is really sweet on you and he might take what you say about language to heart. Maybe something gentle like “it really makes me sad to hear you use language like that. Those words are angry and based in violence or bad thoughts and I know that you’re such a great boy” something like that? The truth is, if his mother makes it no biggie then it may be some years before he realizes how bad it sounds.

  12. Medbh says:

    Oh, and thanks for the link, K8!

  13. I know kids like this too and I’ve yet to find a way to stop them. I tend to go with the, ‘you have to know when it’s appropriate’ line.

    If I overhear them swearing with their friends, ugly as it is to here a ten year old say ‘cunt’, I tend to overlook it. As soon as it’s directed at someone else, said in the classroom or around other children and staff, I go for a sharp, ‘I don’t want to hear that kind of language, thank you.’

    This doesn’t always work. If they’re angry about something, I get ‘so?’ a lot too, along with continued swearing. But I can always keep them in at playtime. You don’t have that luxury here!

    I did know a teacher once who swore back at them. It shocked them enough to make a point, and was quite effective I gather. I doubt you’d get away with it now. Also, you’d probably have to be a teacher to shock them in the first place!

    If you ever find the answer, let me know!

  14. Deborah says:

    Jesus K8 that’s a tough one. I have no idea… I just admire your scruples, honestly and I’m ashamed to admit this, I probably would have written him off a long time ago. There’s a lesson to be learned here!

  15. Baino says:

    Kids need to learn what’s appropriate and when. I’ve washed drummerboy’s mouth out with soap (nice minty dishwashing liquid) before now . . didn’t stop him swearing but he certainly moderated his behaviour in the home!

    You can’t do much about what he says outside but when he’s IN your house you can enforce the ‘my house, my rules’ law and let him know that it’s not appropriate to swear. Rewards work better than punishment. See if he can go half an hour without swearing and reward him with a pack of sweets or something. At least he’ll learn that it’s not acceptable in some instances. Yeh but no but yeh but no but yeh but no . . .

  16. K8 says:

    Tim; ‘he only swears as moderately as 20 Major these days.’ – what a prude!! ;)
    I think every kid may have tried the ‘can I’ve a furck’n’knife?’ trick at the dinnertable! You’re right about the beating- an old fashioned method that just ends up teaching kids how adults deal with frustration. I do ingnore it 99% of the time, only voice up when there are smaller kids around.

    Medbh; Nae bother! Jason knows it’s innapropriate… and funny. The other kids love it and copy him at every chance. I haven’t a hope, really.

    Jenny; I can seriously appreciate how tough it must be sometimes, being a teacher. Having to match your methods with those of the parents must be well frustrating. Thanks for your voice on this, I was curious as to what you’d do.

    Deborah; I would write him off if he didn’t affect my own kid so much, but he is a smart kid and pretty likeable. I’d just love to surprise the hell out of him somehow, y’know? Shock the smartarse out of him. Taiser gun, maybe?

  17. K8 says:

    Baino! You got filtered again :)
    I’m not THAT concerned really, I just would love to know if there’s a quick-fix once off ‘Shit I hadn’t thought of it from that point of view!’ sort of answer.

    Umm… like a bucket of battery acid or something. No? Okay.

  18. I reckon Baino might be on to something. Tell him you’ll pay him 50 cent or something for not swearing while your kids are playing outside. That might give him the message that not all families curse to that degree.

    If his mother’s a rum ‘un, it might be worth calling him in for a snack with your kids sometime on the condition that he doesn’t swear. Curiosity might bring him in the first time but it may give him a chance to see how a normal family operates. The message will be that you haven’t written him off, you think he’s good enough to come into your home but he needs to modify his behaviour while he’s there.

    Or just bring him out a biscuit and lemonade or something when you’re giving a snack to your own. Nothing you can do for a kid is ever wasted however much they might reject it, I really believe that. They’ll remember the kindness long after you’ve forgotten it. Thye’ll know that there is another way to live your life.

    Good luck, K8. You’re a good woman for even caring when it seems clear so many have already dismissed him as a bad lot.

  19. Oh good lord. I HATE the C word. The thought of li’l Puppychild hearing such ick is too terrible for words. I have to admit to a bit of effing and blinding in the house now my kids are old enough to have heard them and understand the effect they can have. We have a rule that even if Mum or Dad say the odd naughty word (or moan about someone, or whatever), it’s a ‘within these four walls’ thing and that we’d never do it in public. If I’m really cross or fostering a useless greyhound piece of poo with an intensely leaky bladder (‘noooo! Don’t pee on the fucking floor!!!!!’) I do let rip (hipocrite that I am). We try to stick to sod it and bugger if we possibly can though.

    Do let us know what you decide. I nodded vehemently at the indelible marker though…tempting….

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