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Feb 27

My stab at politics

Posted on Wednesday, February 27, 2008 in Humourarse, Philosophy, Something to think about

I don’t understand politics, mainly because I’ve never tried to.  It’s not something that upsets me much, at least it didn’t until I started reading blogs and found I had to skip over the political ones – my brain just can’t process the sattire or the original point.  No offence to political sattirists, it’s just the way I am.

I do, however, understand children very well, and it wasn’t until this morning when little Sally next door came in to play with Puppychild that the truth suddenly hit me.  The parallells between the infant world and the political world were right in front of me all the time!

To demonstrate this theory, for this next part I will assume the position of both a child between the ages of two and five, and a political bigwig.



– If you are doing something interesting, I will butt in and do it with you until I am better at it than you are, unless you get bored with it and go on to do something else.  At this point I will change too and continue proving I am better than you are, until such a time that I fall asleep or a body of greater power comes along and stops me.

– Hello, I see you’re new to this neighbourhood!  See this kid/country here?  This is my friend.  You can’t play with us until you provide evidence that you have a stash of Smarties/Weapons of Mass Destruction.  That’s just how it works.  Ok?

– If you push me, I will not ask you why you pushed me, I will just go ahead and push you back.  I will continue fighting with you for no underlying reason until such a point where a body of greater power intervenes or one of us starts crying.  If there is no body of greater power around, then I guess we are both fucked.

– Hey!  Where did you get that ball/space exploration equipment?  That is MINE.  Not going to give it up?  Fine, I’ll just ask my mum to go and buy me one, and if that doesn’t work, maybe I’ll just draw a picture of it and put it against my bedroom window so you’ll think I have one, then you won’t want yours any more!  HA!  No wait… easier yet… I’ll get the other kid down the road to steal it for me.  Yeah.

– Where did you get that money?  What?!  You found it on the ground?  Well, then it’s my money, because I dropped it yesterday, and no, I won’t tell you where because I don’t have to prove myself to you.  Not going to give it up?  FINE!  I’ll tell my mom/the media!

– So you want to play our game?  I don’t know whether or not you’re allowed – you’ll have to ask the leader.  What do you mean he already told you to ask me?  I’m not the leader so it’s not my problem… go ask… somebody else, OK? ‘Bye!!!

– If you see a tree full of apples and think it’s pretty, you’re wierd/left wing.  Me?  I see a tree full of apples, I get my dad to chop it down and bring it home.  I’ll then pick all the apples, shout; ‘I’m going to turn you into poo!’ and eat every last one without sharing with you, just because I can.  And you know what else?  If I feel sick afterwards I will come and throw up all over you because it’s your fault for not stopping me.  So there.


There you have it.  My stab at politics.  I know now, that when I read a headline in the papers like:

“Ahern insists he will stay on until 2012”

I’ll know to translate it roughly as…

“Bertie needs a nap.”

Beat that, Marx-y baby!  I finally understand…

Bring on the comments

  1. Sounds pretty spot on to me. We’ve joked at school before now about doing circle time with politicians (‘how do you think she felt when you did that? What could you have done differently?’ etc).

    The only difference is, kids eventually grow up.

  2. Oooh oooh oooh, does this mean we can all take it in turns to spank Bertie for being naughty? Can I use a cricket bat?

  3. Camron says:

    NOW it makes perfect sense! Thanks for spelling it out for me!

  4. K8 says:

    Jenny; Spongebob for president, I say.

    Thriftcriminal; Hey, you know me, I wouldn’t judge you if that’s what you’re into…

    Camron; I find it all very, very creepy. Sometimes I feel like a stranger on this planet.

  5. Brianf says:

    Yuo’ve been tagged!

  6. K8 says:

    Well wouldye lookit that. Nice meme.
    I got a different meme this morning.. memes are like buses aren’t they?

  7. Baino says:

    This is why we need more women in politics! Years of experience as children, raising children, living with men *read children* . . .we’ve got it down pat by the time we’re 30! “Now Bertie . . .3 days in the naughty corner!”

  8. Hails says:

    Good woman. The world of politics has never held any interest for me for precisely this reason. It just strikes me as tragic that the eejits can’t take a brief look at the history books and realise that there have been conflicting opinions since time began – but no, they all think that (a) they’re right, (b) they’re the first ones ever to have *been* right, (c) everyone else is wrong and (d) a bit of huffing/shouting/shooting/bombing will ensure that they get their way.

    I can’t understand why we can’t all just *be*.

    Realise this is horribly apathetic. I don’t think I care… ;)

  9. I like it, understanding politics has never seemed so easy!

  10. Caro says:

    It fits in with what Bertie said about his Confirmation money being his own business. Spot on K8!

  11. K8 says:

    Baino; What the world needs now is a mommy. Seriously. Totally agree with you.

    Hails; I know… history keeps re-writing itself again and again, but what can you do BUT be apathetic?

    Betty; It’s still boring though. Kids aren’t, because of their pure honesty they’re funny, but for grown men? Boring and stupid.

    Caro; Bertie’s the worst! Are they just slandering him these days because there’s nothing more interesting happening? This Mahon crap bores me to tears… Bertie just needs a year on the bold step, anything, just make him stop whingeing! Please!

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