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Feb 8

Cold blood

Posted on Friday, February 8, 2008 in Strange and Unusual

My conscience is heavy.  I murdered Audrey III

Where once there were eager young claws pulsing with the blood of bluebottles, there is now a mouldy brown carcass.  Ironically enough, she is now being eaten by little fat flies.  How beautifully poetic is that?

I researched winter care, and it specifically said:


I watered it anyway, I couldn’t resist it.  She looked limp and dry, probably because she was asleep, and then I came up in the dead of her night and drowned her – I feel like such an evil bitch, thinking about the pretty flower she grew for me.  She even tried to grow another one in her desperate attempt to prove that there was still hope.  The tiny bud looked so pathetic surrounded by withered leaves, making me believe that she just didn’t have it in her to go the full hog so I cut it away.  This was the final straw before she gave up completely, poor thing.

R.I.P. Audrey III, I will miss your deliciously evil and twisted nature.


I feel there is nothing for it but to drown my sorrows in Age of Empires III for a few hours.


Bring on the comments

  1. Brianf says:

    I hope you gave Audrey III Last Rites, a nice funeral Mass and a Christian burial. If not I hope you kicked ass in Age of Empires III.

  2. Hmmm, later,in her honour, I shall post a pic of some fellow carnivorous plants living free and wild on the Galtees .

  3. I shall hug a flower today in remembrance of Audrey III. All over the world people will lift their voices in her praise and she, wherever she is, might look down fondly on us all and forgive our kind for murdering her. I only hope plants can’t become ghosts.

  4. K8 says:

    Brian; I’ve a feeling Audrey III was for the other side. I sacrificed a woodlouse for her safe passage to the underworld.
    I had to abandon AoEIII to go to the toilet for ONE SECOND, and it got taken over by TAT. It looks like an excellent game, but will cause many fights over turns in the future methinks.

    Thriftcriminal; The Galtees? Do you mean mouldy rashers? You must have a serious fridge cleanout problem if the fungii is becoming carniverous…

    Sam; Thank you for your kind words, I too share that hope, for a ghostly venus fly trap with a vengeance would be an ugly thing indeed.

  5. Yeah, mis-spelled them despite growing up on the side of them :-)

  6. Baino says:

    Awww Poor Audrey! I can hear the flies rejoicing from here! Oh that’s right, no flies in winter, maybe she starved to death. Should have said, I’d have sent you a bunch!

  7. Granny says:

    Did you not try singing to her?
    I need to explain the whole horticultural thing to you. Charles and I are only people who really understand plants.

  8. K8 says:

    Baino; I did go fly hunting, but she just wasn’t bothered with my offerings. I reckon she was suffering from S.A.D.

    Mam; Charles? Who’s Charles? Are you the queen?

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