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Jan 26

Mushie Promotion Unit

Posted on Saturday, January 26, 2008 in Little known facts, Rantings, Strange and Unusual

Those leaflet racks in hospital waiting areas are always good for a laugh.

I’ve been using this one ‘info’ postcard as a bookmark for a few weeks now because it always makes me smile.  It seems to be one of a set of information cards made by the Health Promotion Unit, to try to educate the public on the various types of drugs you can get out there.  This one is for Magic Mushrooms. 

The gas thing is, I’m afraid they’ve somewhat missed the mark, because this product looks damn attractive to me…

 mushies.jpg

Look at the design – calm blue green aqua shades, a trippy jellyfish, the print looks mystical and inviting!

This is the science side of the card, in other words, this is all the information you need to score, and how great your buzz will be once you do;

mushies-001.jpg

– They give you a slang term ‘Mushies‘, so you won’t look like a knob in front of your dealer.

– If you don’t know a dealer, they tell you that they are ‘Hallucinogenic mushrooms that grow in the wild’, and they give you a picture so you can be absolutely sure what they look like when you go trapseing around in your wellies looking for them.  No room for error there, so.

‘Users dry them and either eat them or make them into tea’.  Kind instructions for naive experimenters everywhere!  Sound!

– THE HIGHS: ‘In small amounts, users feel relaxed and happy.’  (that sounds lovely…) ‘In larger amounts, they experience hallucinations.’ (Pretty much like on the front cover, here… doesn’t that look tempting, children?)

– THE LOWS: ‘Hallucinations can sometimes be unpleasent and frightening.’  (still beats boredom, though…) ‘Another problem is eating poisonous mushrooms by mistake which may result in serious illness or possible death.’ (it’s ok though, because there’s a photograph here so we can double-check!  Sound again!)

That’s all there is.  Not very scary, is it?  They should give a small case study to back up the horrors… like mine;

~:~

I had some Mushie soup once at a houseparty.  While I was waiting for the giggles and hallucinations to arrive, I noticed that maggots had somehow gotten into my stomach and were chewing away at its contents.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop picturing these maggots all squirming around in there.  I could even feel them.

I ran outside to a bunch of daffodils who all started screaming at me so I hurled on a patch of heather instead so as not to piss them off even further.  A major fight began between the diced-carrots and the flowers which I watched with interest until the ground began to eat me and I had to move. 

I went back into the house to find that the ‘Easy Rider’ soundtrack was still stuck on loop, but I couldn’t get close enough to the stereo to turn it off because all the trippy notes kept getting in the way and entangling themselves in my hair.  This madness lasted a long time, with not a poxy giggle to show for it.  Magic Mushrooms suck, if you ask me.

~:~

I wonder if the heroin information card has diagrams of the cardio-vascular system on it so you know what vein to aim for?

Bring on the comments

  1. Brianf says:

    I ate a little tiny piece of paper with a picture of Mickey Mouse on it once and I met that very same stereo. No matter how hard I tried I could not get close enough to it to change the tape. The only exception is that I and everyone else couldn’t stop laughing…….. for about 6 hours.

    :)

  2. K8 says:

    Which proves that this particualr tiny piece of paper was very good for the stomach muscles! Who keeps saying drugs are bad?!?!

  3. SID says:

    And here was me thinking that if you had them you’d be a fungi?

    Nope. Not to be.

  4. I came across a website once that featured a description of an project a photographer had come up with. He obtained a wide variety of drugs (all the usual including some unusual ones) and had sought and obtained a selection of volunteers to take one of his selection and be photographed. The website described what happened, the photos were part of an exhibition and not shown. The effect of most of the class A drugs scared the shit out of the photographer, quite a few of the others threw up a fair bit (especially the ketamine candidate) and the only happy camper was the mescaline candidate, go peyote! When I read it I thought that it would make a pretty effective deterrent, morally questionable, but far more impact than the mushie leaflet. The vikings used to use a more powerful mushroom, the biggest bastard of the lot would eat them and go mental for a bit, then the rest of them would drink his urine to get a less vicious high.

  5. Interesting approach from the Health Promotion Unit there.

    Though it sounds like it was a horrific experience, I love your description of your own dabble. The maggots would be enough to put anyone off I think.

  6. Deborah says:

    *SHUDDER* Similar memories involving a certain spiked Sugarcube. Mental note do not go for Indian food just as your drop. Not good. Hubby looks at me and says “the food is talking to me.” Right so, let’s go. Vincent Van Gogh’s Sunflower print later turned into a black family from the slave era (think Uncle Tom’s cabin) and tried to get me to save them. Tried to connect all of himself’s freckles with a permanent marker. Just bad. Previous episodes were always at Phish concerts, so atmospherically it was right.

    Great HSE flyer though. Glad they are spending their money on such useful enterprises instead of oh I don’t know… giving people the treatment they need!!!! GRRR!

    P.S. I think there’s some weird precedent in the states that if you have used hallucinogenics more than seven times you can be declared certifiably insane. Could be useful given a criminal trial! ;-)

  7. Hmm..This reminds me of a conversation I had with a snail once. I ordered escargot at a local restaurant, started jabbing at it, and I’ll be damned if it didn’t start squirming away from the plate, cursing me with a trail of slime. The question is whether it was the bad escargot or the margarita’s. :) The jury is still out on that one.

    We don’t have inquisitive pamphlets like that o’er here. Most of ours consist of telling how dugs and sex cause children. Wonder where they hatched such an idea? :)

    I’m glad the daffodils didn’t take offense to your barfing. :) Stay away from the mushie soup! :)

  8. Natalie says:

    Mmmm, will have to carry on living vicariously through the blogs I read…one more thing on my ‘to do list’ has just been scratched off, I always play it safe, but then I don’t have funny things to write about, LOL at this post…sure it was not funny at the time!!!

  9. Baino says:

    Oh I missed out, I’m such a goodie two shoes. I used to pick my brother up off the road after sliding his motorbike into corners after a mescalin attack so that my mother wouldn’t know. She thought he was concussed but he was twittering on about triffids and going fishing with John Steinbeck. Only dropped speed when I was 35 just to see what it was like. Very disappointing but I did my housework really fast. I prefer my drugs to taste nice and not cause my food to have a conversation so Chardonnay does the trick!

  10. Conortje says:

    Who knew that mushrooms were so celtic in design…

  11. K8 says:

    Sid; I did feel a bit like a dolphin at one stage.. people were doing their best to understand me but all I could manage were clicking noises.

    Thrifcriminal; Good old Vikings! I’m proud to be of their descent. What is Peyote? I’ve always wanted to know. Is it a cactus of some sort?

    Jenny; It would’ve been ok I think if I could have giggled my way through the trip, but there must have been some pretty serious sheep fertilizing those mushrooms…

    Deborah; Your advice is gratefully taken! I remember my primary school nurse giving me a sugar cube after my vaccinations when I was 5 years old… no wonder I was no good in school ;)
    Very very glad I didn’t come across a Van Gogh print during the buzz. Newgrange would be good craic though…

    Jefferson; That reminds me of a poster I saw in a doctor’s surgery once: It said, “Do you suffer from a sexually transmitted disease?” Someone scribbled “Yep! Children!” underneath. Classic!
    I think I’m done with the mind-altering stuff. Reality is tough enough.

    Natalie; You DO have funny things to write about!!! This post isn’t so funny as it is sad and worrying really – I’m fretting over the loss of my poor braincells!

    Baino; You’re not missing out on much, not that I’ve tried everything there is to try or really intend to… I totally agree with you in that there’s comfort in the buzz you know!

    Conor; They are the pillar of Irish history, aren’t they? I loved Archaeology lecturers trying to decipher graffiti from the Celtic era, when we all know what they were really on!

  12. Cactus used in the religious ceremonies of some native americans. Active ingredient is mescaline.

  13. K8 says:

    So can you eat any old cactus? Must try that. Give it the once over with my Ladyshave first of course…

  14. Kirk M says:

    I see that a certain sense of humor runs in your family K8. I think I’ll try some Mushies instead of those damn medications the Veterans Administration keeps giving me. Maybe it won’t cure what ails me but there’s a hell of a better chance that I’ll feel better about it.

  15. K8 says:

    Is it a sense of humour or just eerie wierdness? It’s a tough call.

    Don’t do the mushies. They’re freaky. Try smoking banana skins first with your Veteran pills in the middle. If that doesn’t work try drilling a hole in your head. It worked for the Romans!

  16. […] get me wrong… I’m no stranger to the odd spliff.  I’ve tried mushies once or twice… hell, I even took a whole sixteenth of an ecstasy tab once!  Yeah, I’m […]

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