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Jan 25

Gossip on Grandad

Posted on Friday, January 25, 2008 in Family, Quickie

I had four hours notice to clean up the bombshell that was the after effects of our most excellent party in Casa Del Headrambles

*phone rings*


“What are you at?”

“What’s it to you?” I kicked the dog for barking on hearing her master’s voice.

“We’re coming home” said Grandad. “There’s no point in staying any longer, it’s too expensive.”

“Mean fucker! Doesn’t your poor missus deserve the holiday?!” I implored, turning pale.

“I don’t like the staff here.  They’re foreign, and I forgot my Uzi.”

Turns out Grandad got kicked out of his room for smoking, in a nutshell.

Twenty would be proud.

Bring on the comments

  1. “Got kicked out of his room for smoking.” Ha! That sounds like Grandad. :) It’s a good thing he didn’t have his Uzi. He might would have unloaded on more than the staff.

  2. robert says:

    He really got kicked out for smoking? Ha!

    I can’t wait to hear what he has to say about it :)

  3. Grannymar says:

    I suppose he wanted special Fambily Taxi Rates! I hope you took him the long way round and charged double. ;)

  4. Brianf says:

    I don’t believe any of yous’.
    I still believe he’s in London conspiring with the Queen on how to cull more British tourists in Ireland.

  5. Grandad says:

    Nobody, and I mean nobody kicks me out for smoking. I’d set them on fire if they tried.

  6. Baino says:

    Thanks K8 . . .I sooooo hope that’s true cos it’s hilarious. I used to practice having a fag in the bathroom while the extractor fan was on until I realised it was a smoke detector. Whoooooaaaaaaha! *aka Keanau Reeves Matrix stle* I was majorly busted! No such worries now . . how goes your campaign to quit the nurrells?

  7. manuel says:

    he could have come round my house …….smoking is encouraged…..

  8. K8 says:

    Jefferson; I was a bit surprised myself – he didn’t even bring Tiddles…

    Robert; Yes! Whatever you hear from the horses mouth, all my gossip is true with concrete witnesses.

    Grannymar; I slapped a huge soiling charge on him for sneezing on my dashboard, too.

    Brian; Dad doesn’t think too big. If he went to Buckingham palace, it would only be to fart in the guards faces to get a rise out of them. He has simple needs, bless ‘im.

    Da; We hear you but we don’t believe you.

    Baino; I used to use empty toilet roll tubes to smoke out windows – like that really works!
    I haven’t bought a single box since, and have been doing pretty well, thanks! I’m smoking the odd shag hand-rolled in dire circumstances though! Starting yoga soon which might help with the jitters… How ’bout you?

    Manuel; What about dog hair? He carries a lot of dog hair around with him somehow.

  9. Grandad says:

    So all your gossip is true, huh?

    I’m smoking the odd shag hand-rolled in dire circumstances though

    I had to go to the shop yesterday morning because between yourself and TAT, Herself had no cigarettes left. Yiz pair of bummers.

    And you really out to buy a box of toilet rolls. You are beginning to smell. I didn’t like to say anything, but seeing as you brought the subject up……..

  10. K8 says:

    TAT’s the bummer!!! I only support his efforts. Anyway, I told you- you don’t need to buy cigarettes anymore, there are stabbers in every nook and cranny of the house! Even the margarine had a stabber in it.

    Toilet rolls are bad for the environment. I’ll stick to using my sleeve, thanks.

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