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Jan 15

Your bog's banjaxed

Posted on Tuesday, January 15, 2008 in Humourarse, Jobs

I bit down hard on my lower lip and nervously watched the water level in the toilet bowl rise.  I stood back, then breathed a sigh of relief to see the flood waters halt just below the rim. 

“Uhh… Teasy?”


“Your bog’s banjaxed.  Sorry about that.”

Teasy pulled her baby out of the dog’s drinking bowl and sighed.  She already knew, and was feeling forlorn.

“I can’t afford a plumber.  Cheque’s not cleared yet.  Dad told me how to fix it though…”

She described a process by which the drain outside is disconnected, hopefully releasing pressure in her tubes.  “It’s not pretty.” she warned.

We sat in silence for a while and stared at the grey rain pelting off the car roof outside through the window.  I felt her pain, and understood that keeping her three children indoors and out of mischief while she farted about in the mud outside solving miserable household problems would be a taxing job for a single mum.

“C’mon, then.”  I said.  “I’ll hold the babby, let’s go outside and have a look.”

Teasy was reluctant.

“C’MON!” I shouted cheerfully.  “Now, before I change my mind!”

We trudged outside, down the decked steps, and into the mudbath.  We meandered around to the bog outflow pipe.  It was duck-tape city.  We began to peel at an elbow-joint, and freed it up quickly.  I passed the baby to his mum, and got a hold of the loose pipe.  I pulled gently and a hissing sound began to fizz from the joint.  Brown gunge began to ooze with urgency. 

“Wahay!” Teasy shouted.

I yanked the tube free and jumped 20 feet backwards.  Glugluglugusshhhhhh.  We watched in revulsion as the problem rectified itself, then went about re-connecting and shovelling while grinning like crazy, to prevent our gag reflexes kicking in.  (This is a trick I am very glad I learned.  Pass it on.)

“Mission succesful, hey?” Teasy shouted.  “Who needs plumbers?!?”

“Right on.”  said I.

Sisters are doin’ it for themselves!


Bring on the comments

  1. So I want to say: What a load of shit.

    But I really want to say: Congratulations, well done.

    But I really, really want to say: Is it fucked up that I read the post title as ‘Your blog’s banjaxed’ and wondered for ages why you were talking about toilets and plumbers but not about sporadic updating and plummeting stats?

  2. You and Dr Pepper is Good 4 the Soul showed up one after the other in my RSS. Both writing for shit!
    It’s my lucky day.

  3. Natalie says:

    Oh crap, and I thought I was a super hero for attaching a drill bit to a drill and putting a hole in the trunk of my tree then putting the Christmas tree up all on my own…sigh, I have a LOT to learn. I am SO impressed. REALLY.

  4. Grannymar says:

    Call a Taxi and you get a plumber!

    Wow! No end to your talents Girl. Well done.

  5. Brianf says:

    I hate plumbing! I’ve been known to make water run down the walls from the upstairs bathroom while attempting to fix a leak. So good for you. now I know whom to call when I need some plumbing done.

  6. K8 says:

    Gimme; That means blogging is becoming a bodily function for you. I’d watch that, I would.

    Sixty; You found me another utterly mental and fucked up blog! I thank you for that, muchly.

    Red; Indeed you are the queen of poo stories! Nice to smell you.

    Natalie; Necessity is the mother of invention though, really. Who knows what we can do until we try it and make a complete pig’s ear of it?

    Hey I clicked on your link and found a Jesus site full of adverts, it was very strange! Then I discovered that this was as opposed to your!
    Careful how you type, huh? :)

    Grannymar; I still can’t juggle though.

    Brian; Yeah… whenever you mess with your pipes you gotta twiddle the mad lookin’ tap in the airing cupboard! I learned that the hard way, too.

  7. Brianf says:

    With your plumbing skilz and my juggling and PC knowledge we could always start a Street Busking/Plumbing/Network Administration company and then drive our customers home in your cab while TAT is cleaning their windows.

  8. Kirk M says:

    Congratulations! You two receive the Royal Rotor Rooter Award! It’s a dirty job but ya’ tackled it without one gag experience. My respect and admiration to ye! :D

  9. K8 says:

    Brian; Sounds good… just don’t go ringin’ customers on that new phone of yours or we’ll never get off the ground!
    Are you thinking of having a change of job? I’ve been looking for a new partner in my ‘I build budgie-cages out of paperclips!’ business if you’re interested…

    Kirk; Yeah luckily I have this cold going on, the sort that deprives you of smell and taste with a bit of snot thrown in. Great for nasty plumming jobbies! Respect and admiration greatly received.

  10. A mighty good plumbing job.

    I’m going to try that grinning thing next time I’m in a situation that demands gagging.

  11. Baino says:

    Where did the poo go? I have an awful image of a poo ridden back yard with ankle biters making mud pies.

    Amazing how resourceful you can be when your bank account’s banjaxed as well!

  12. K8 says:

    Sam; I could say something really filthy here, but I won’t.

    Baino; I didn’t fancy hanging around to see where the poo went. I had to go indoors to put the kettle on for the shit-shoveller lady.

  13. Medbh says:

    Take a bow, K8.
    That is quite an accomplishment.
    Plumbing scares the crap out of me.
    Love the pic.
    Is the dickhead in the back photoshopped in or was he really stupid enough to show up with that sign?

  14. Natalie says:

    Wow, had a look at the “other woman” too scared to click on anything, hope they are not praying on my good name for the huge amount of traffic on my blog….LOL. May have to find meself a new name…annoying, I mean mine at least makes SENSE. Thanks for the heads up!

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