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Jan 7

How to roll a rollie

Posted on Monday, January 7, 2008 in Family, Humourarse, Rantings, Strange and Unusual, Taboo

‘Well Holy God’, as Miley would say… I can’t understand this brain of mine. 

The Accidental Terrorist and Pedro the invincible are downstairs on the xbox playing Assassin’s Creed, a game which is so good, I have managed to pull two whole all-nighters playing it.  This is no mean feat for a mother of two chisellers, but it was worth it.

I disconnected my laptop from the TV feed so that I could take it upstairs, away from the madness.  I knew full well that this was a rare opportunity to snatch an hour or two away to write on me blog, but I had a heavy heart.

“What the fuck am I going to write about?” I implored the likely lads.

“Write about not knowing what to write about” said TAT, his attention elsewhere.

“Fuck off” I said.

“Write about Assassin’s Creed” suggested Pedro.

“They don’t care” I said.

Pedro didn’t seem to care either, so I wandered away.  And now here I am with nothing interesting to say.  Even a faceful of vodka doesn’t seem to help.  I’ve emailed a whole lot of friends about that tag Brian snared me on, but nobody has replied yet, except me aul’ mate Lou.  Either I’m imaginary, or they’re stumped.

So… some random madness from my recent past will have to do;


Apparently a woman walking into a hardware store in Ireland and asking for chimney cleaning equipment is hilarious.  There must be a joke out there somewhere to this effect because the two blokes behind the counter went very red and giggly for some reason.  They kept asking me about length, and I kept replying with ‘two storeys’ which amused them further.  I don’t get it. 


When a young mother is walking through a supermarket with a toddler, and if the toddler is screaming and the mother is doing nothing about it, please don’t pass comment.  She is doing her best, for it is not her that is at fault.  It’s the supermarket’s fault.  They have a very clever way of placing Creme Eggs and Kinder Surprises beside vital groceries.  This is the devil’s work, and whoever came up with this idea should be dragged into the street and shot.  I paid for that half-eaten apple, but I shouldn’t have.  I should have left it in the centre of the Creme Egg stand.  When a child is denied chocolate all hell breaks loose, and this hell should have a live feed to the audio system in the general manager’s office.


I chanced my arm the other day and wandered into a newsagent to ask for tobacco with only 4 euros.  I thought I’d get laughed out of it, but no!  Apparently you can still buy half-packs of handrolling tobacco even though ten boxes are obsolete!  This means the government must be okay with kids smoking rollies.  If this is true, then they really should advertise how to roll a proper rollie, to get them off the dreaded Johnnie Blue’s.  If there are any children out there who would like me to post a list of numbered instructions as to how to roll a cigarette, please let me know.  I would be delighted to do my bit for the country!


What else is there?  Here is proof that everyone’s parents are mad, not just mine.  Jack McMad has some excellent suggestions for improving perambulating activities around Dublin City, Roy’s Taxi gossip continues to have me shitting bricks about starting this taxi business, Jefferson’s been to the zoo, Going Like Sixty is having another ‘holy shit!’ moment, Medbh’s being esoteric,  Baino’s doing her best to find a bug in her system, and Thriftcriminal’s bitchin’.

Me dad thinks he’s lost his sense of humour, but he’s just suffering from the same thing as the rest of us. 

monkey back

Bring on the comments

  1. JackMcMad says:

    Ahhhh, all night gaming sessions. The last time I did one of them Doom3 had just been released and I completed it in 56 hours on Ultraviolent. You were just one day off this guy:

    Product placement in supermarkets is apalling although I see that some have copped on and have child friendly check outs. Instead of chocolates and sweets beside them, they put batteries and other non-child thingies.

  2. Kirk M says:

    Not bad for not knowing what to write about. Now I’ll just go on back to my own little site and get back to wondering what the hell I’m going to write about.

  3. Medbh says:

    If you can get your hands on a boxed set of “The Wire,” do it, K8.

    I always feel sympathy for the parents when the kids are throwing a fit over food. Kids only know that they want it so they think that you’re being mean to keep the sweets away.

  4. Sure that’s all I do isn’t it? :-) OK, so I take the odd photo too. Left a comment on grandad’s last post that is at least a little amusing BTW. Makes me laugh when I remember it in any case.

  5. Baino says:

    Haha . .you’ve managed to come up trumps anyway.

    You have a kid that ate an apple instead of pinching a Kinder Surprise! I’m impressed.

    Gaming, not my scene unfortunately although on Monday I played Star Wars Lego with an 8 year old and managed to hold my head above water . . . and I’m reading up on Halo so that I can have a conversation with other gamers about Master Chief and why we never see his face!

    I’m a bit stuck for words too . . except all the rude ones due to my misbehaving PC! I’ll ave to resort to You Tube!

  6. K8 says:

    Jack McMad; How STUPID (with great respect for the poor bloke) do you have to be to be so absorbed in something as to forget your own bodily functions? I did manage to completely dry out one contact lens from forgetting to blink often enough, however.

    KirkM; Sucks, doesnt’ it? At least you know about technology. There’s always something to write about technology!

    Medbh; Nice one! We’ve run out of material recently having either rented or bought: The full Sopranos series, all 6 series of 24, Desperate Housewives, The Unit, The Shield, House MD., Bones, CSI Las Vegas, My Name is Earl, Arrested Development, Band of Brothers, Taken, Commander in Chief, Nip/Tuck and Prison Break. The Wire will be next. Then there’ll be nothing left and we’ll have to… read a book or try that… condversashion thing.

    Thriftcriminal; HAHA! BOOM! Excellent story! Did they get their rental deposit back? ;)

  7. K8 says:

    Baino; You are the queen of trapped comments! How do you do it?!
    It was a very disorganised shopping trip. It didn’t help that puppychild lapsed into puppy mode halfway through. It’s very embarrassing when she barks at people and jumps up on the staff with dirty paws!
    Is your PC approaching its teenage years? I wish you much luck. Try to read its diary.

  8. I don’t believe we did. We used to have many a mad party in that gaff. The other excellent story was that in one of the bedsits below us was the manager of the local shell garage. If we were jumping around a lot he used to pop up and good naturedly ask us not to as it was “making the paster come down from the ceiling and lodge in the crack of me ass when I’m shaggin the bird”. Classy. Oh and there was the time the “musician” who sounded as if he was straight off the set of Spinal Tap came looking for Mike Scott (Waterboys). Apparently he lived across the road in number 11, but this chap could not get it into his chemically addled head that the odd numbered houses were on the OTHER side of the road.

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