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Dec 28

Relatives are time

Posted on Friday, December 28, 2007 in Uncategorized

So that’s Christmas over then.  We’re in that awqward space between celebrations, the end of year limbo, when Ireland’s liver is given a generous one week break.  The incoming New Year threatens a lot of sensible living and hard work for me, for it’s time to stop being a gobshite I fear.  Oh well.  RIP path of self-destruction.

Here are a few random things that happened over the last few days.  I don’t think any lessons can be learned from them really.

– I was interrogated by the police for being furtive on a quiet country lane with The Accidental Terrorist’s big yellow van.

– I almost caused my dad to have a minor cardiac infarction when I failed to guess his wild gesturings during a game of charades.   So would you if you had to guess ‘Eternal Enemies of Lions and Hyenas’ within 2 minutes.

– I made two small Children cry on Christmas day because I felt like it.

– I crashed a party and overdosed on Mickey Finn’s due to lowest-card drawn shot drinking contest.

– I started Assassin’s Creed but a space continuum has created a rip which has prevented me from playing it since.  I need to invent a cloning machine in the new year.

– I lost three games of poker

– I’ve discovered that the combined weight of all my children’s toys is causing foundation subsidence.

– I’ve discovered that time doesn’t exist, and my liver hates me.

That’s all.  My brain is a reheated boiled sprout and my body is one big sugar crash.  See you when I’m me again!

Bring on the comments

  1. Cat says:

    – I made two small Children cry on Christmas day because I felt like it.


  2. Brianf says:

    I was sick for Christmas.
    Get well soon!!

  3. Gaye says:

    Sounds like you had great time!!!!!!!! Wishing you speedy recovery from the traumas, guilt, alcohol and sugar overload.
    Kids are resilient I am sure they forgot about it as soon as they stopped crying.
    Here’s to a WONDERFUL, HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)
    Cheers K8.

  4. K8 says:

    Cat; I used my very unexpected loud angry tones with them which always scares small children into tears. It’s not a very endearing quality, but effective when these small children are insensitive to their parent’s needs to drink copious amounts of booze on Christmas day. I s’pose it didn’t help that they were sent to bed at 6pm full of sugar!

    Brian; Poor diddums! I hope you’re mending ok. Seems everyone gets sick at Christmas… self-induced or otherwise.

    Gaye; Cheers! Same to you, chicklet!!!

  5. Ah, Making children cry on the big day is like shooting fish in a barrel. They have been brought to the verge of nervous breakdown by the intense bombardment of the December run up, advent calendars, ads, etc. I swore off pictionary after 4 of us in a caravan on clonee strand in waterford nearly commited a large messy homicide one excessively wet summer, when all we had was beer and pictionary to amuse ourselves.

  6. Ha! We too were interrogated by police whilst minding our own business and checking out illuminated houses! My guess is he had to work on Christmas day and was just pissed off! Either that or the silly hats and electronic earrings gave us away as revellers.

    Ah Charades, we should have tackled that instead of Poker on Christmas night. My mother once farted and flew out the door . . much easier to guess than Grandad’s effort!

    Making small children cry . . easy peasy. Just take their chocolate away . then give it back . . then take it away again.

    Losing poker . . what you lose on the swings, you’ll pick up on the Merry Go Round . . or is it the see saw . . I forget cos I had too many Mickey Fins in the form of jelly shots on Christmas Day.

    Take away the toys and just let them play with the box they came in. Much lighter and usually more fun!

    Chin up, you’ve got 2 days to recover and it all starts over again on the 31st!

    And why do the Brits and Irish eat sprouts with Christmas dinner . . never understood that . . they’re disgusting!

  7. K8 says:

    Ha! Reminds me of Father Ted… you should’ve had a Riverdance dance-off!

  8. K8 says:

    “My mother once farted and flew out the door”

    *penny drops*

    Gone with the wind!!! Classic :D

  9. Indeed, it was ted-like. Then the other’s had to head off to work in the sugar factory. That was more wonka-like. Sorry I’m drunk, Happy new year!

  10. Happy New Year, K8. Bananas and water before you go to bed. It won’t help your liver but it’ll help your head. The Celtic liver is a doomed and blighted organ anyhow – we may as well enjoy its downfall.

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