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Dec 4

Rancid

Posted on Tuesday, December 4, 2007 in Family, Little known facts, munchies, Something to think about

dolphin-cow.JPG

Minced beef is a wonderful foodstuff. I couldn’t turn it down when my friend offered some to me. She’d over-stocked in the supermarket, and had left the sealed package in the fridge for a few days with a view to feeding it to her dog. I took it off her hands, and threw it into my own fridge, intending on turning it into something yummy some night.

The days passed, however, and the hectic weekend denied me any chance of cooking at all. When I did finally fish the meat out of the fridge, I saw to my dismay that it had turned a funny grey colour, bordering on green. I peeled back the sealed cellophane and had a sniff.

Women develop a highly effective survival technique when they become pregnant, and it stays with us. We can sniff a product, and instantly judge from our queasiness levels as to how nourishing it will be for our growing foetus. I can smell a rotten sausage from five miles away, as the actress said to the bishop.

This minced green beef, now six days past its sell by date, didn’t smell too toxic at all! Then I remembered a fact I’d learned. Apparently the curry was invented to use up stocks of rancid meat. Enough spices and pungent herbs can disguise even the dodgiest of foods.

I emptied the meat into a dish, then added curry powder, cardamom, cumin seed, chile powder, ginger, worcester sauce and of course, oodles of salt and pepper. I kneaded it all together, and made home-made burgers out of it.

The Accidental Terrorist picked up his burger and took a large bite.

“Jeeeezus!” he exclaimed. I went pale, and squirmed a little.

“Is it ok?” I asked breezily.

“It’s feckin’ delicious!!! Did you make these?”

“Yep!” I said. “Did you know that curry was invented to disguise the taste of rancid meat?”

“No” he said, and took another large bite.

I did my part. I gave adequate warning. I know you’d love to hear that we both spent the remainder of the evening fighting for toilet-bowl space, but we didn’t. Not even so much as a ‘hot ring of fire’ the next morning.

My granny would be proud of my frugality.

Bring on the comments

  1. Grannymar says:

    and this grannymar is proud of you too!

  2. Granny says:

    Superquinn had a power cut last night. They are binning tons of meat. Put on your Jenny Vander and get down there quick…

  3. Baino says:

    Oh K8! No way would I have cooked it . . in fact I probably wouldn’t even have given it to the dawg! That’s not frugal girl, that’s desperate. (Although back in my KFC days, we had been known to rinse chicken pieces in a peroxide mixture to ‘refresh’ the meat before coating in 11 herbs and spices but don’t tell anyone – Denis made me do it!)

  4. JackMcMad says:

    OK you posted this yesterday, how are yourself and TAT feeling today? Buy Quorn mince, it never goes off! Make sure you purchase some breathing apparatus along with it though.

  5. K8 says:

    Grannymar; Thanks! It is the age of recycling after all.

    Mammy; Has dad been playing with his electromagnetic pulse again?

    Baino; Not at all! It may have looked rotten, but it smelled fine. Mind you, I do have a bit of a cold. Ooops. Ah well. What doesn’t kill you…

    JackMcMad; Still waiting for the mad cow disease to kick in, but so far so good. If I served up quorn in this house I’d be shot! Every meal must have at least part of one dead animal in it.

  6. Deborah says:

    Excellent work K8! Beef is usually pretty good about hanging around for awhile… I’ve been known to cook up some dubious batches myself. Will have to try the curry! And sure as long as it’s fully cooked there’s no harm right? ;-)

  7. Grandad says:

    Every meal must have at least part of one dead animal in it.

    I thought you wouldn’t eat anything that had a face?

  8. K8 says:

    Deborah; High praise! Thanks :) Considering that a lot of beef producers still put red dye in the meat to make it look fresher, you really don’t know what you’re getting anyway! As long as it doesn’t answer back it should be edible enough.

    Dad; Yes but it’s okay because e-coli faces are way too small for me to see! (I still feel the need to apologise to gummy bears before I bite their heads off though.)

  9. Medbh says:

    I think they sound yummy. I am however a slave to the sell by date. Good for you. The nose knows, K8.

  10. Go see this lady She’s got a great tale of frugality in the kitchen.

  11. Mary Witzl says:

    Now I see why you were sent to me! Great minds and all that.

    I can tell you right now that not only would I have done this, but I have. Many, many times. If I throw something out, it’s because the thing is screaming ‘Botulism!’ at me and the people downstairs are starting to pass out from the smell. If it doesn’t stink to high heaven, just cook the thing well, stirring it all the while, and hope for the best.

    Well done — literally.

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