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Nov 13

Presents of mind

Posted on Tuesday, November 13, 2007 in Humourarse

Deck the turkey’s balls with holly!  I can’t wait for Christmas, my childish enthusiasm has been re-awakened by my 3 year old who asks me every day when the big C will arrive.  In the spirit of giving, I dedicate this post to Jennifer (Nelly) O’Shea, an old school buddy of mine with a twisted sense of humour. 

One day, on the last day of school term before we broke for Christmas holidays, Nelly gave me a beautifully wrapped gift.  It was small and rectangular, with no rattle or distinguishing clues as to what it could be.

“Get it home as soon as you can and put it in your fridge or it’ll go off.” she said.

“Jesus!  Is it a bomb?!?” I exclaimed, knowing well that Nelly isn’t the chocolate-giving kind.

“I’m not telling you… just keep it cold until Christmas morning, and open it as soon as you take it out of the fridge.  It’s very important that you keep it cold.”

“Is it roadkill?  I told you my mum doesn’t like me keeping stuff like that.” I said, brimming with curiosity.

She winked, and walked away.

I went home, re-arranged the anonymous tin-foil wrappings in the fridge, and stashed the gift.  It teased me cruelly every day… it consumed me.  Then, finally when Christmas morning arrived, I ran downstairs, opened the fridge and ripped the paper wrapping away.

It was a book.

‘Complete Uses of a Dead Cat’ by Simon Bond.

Here are a few excerpts from this amazing insightful piece of literary genius…




Bring on the comments

  1. First, I didn’t mean to cheat on you. I don’t think I did. If you interpret it that way, I’m sorry, will you forgive me?

    I love wrapping a gift and putting it in fridge – exquisite torture for those who can’t stand a wrapped gift.

    The cat book illustrations are LOL.

  2. K8 says:

    You had me confused on the cheating thing until I re-checked your blog :)

    Don’t worry, I’m an open minded girl so you don’t have to worry about fidelity. There’s no such thing as Bloggomonogamy.

  3. But my conscience is bothering me. Do you feel I cheated on the Meme?
    If so, go re-read the top right hand of my header. Especially the last part.

  4. K8 says:

    You mean you put some of your tags in your heading? It’s all good, sure! There are no real rules to this meme thingy just to make it interesting.

    I read and re-read your post so much to try to figure out what you’re on about… you forgot to mention dogs!!! Ha ha! Gotcha.

    I like your Gull Friend. She’s sharp!

  5. Baino says:

    I lurve Christmas. Well done for not peeking. It’s a great book but I think I’ve lost my copy or maybe it’s just burried in the bowels of the wardrobe with the other ‘dead’ things. I’ve just realised that I have a large plastic tub full of Christmas decorations still sitting beside the couch. I meant to put it in the shed over winter . . . . ah well hardly seems worth it now. We’ll have the tree up on 1st December!

  6. Medbh says:

    The fridge part is brilliant, K8.
    And the dead kitty wonderbra is my favorite.

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