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Aug 7

Absolutely nothing to do with having breasts

Posted on Tuesday, August 7, 2007 in Philosophy, Something to think about, Strange and Unusual, Taboo

I’m giving some serious consideration to the incorporation of two new things in my life.

The problem is, they’re both very much taboo, so I don’t want to say what they actually are.

Instead, here are some pretty obvious clues: 

(Before you ask, no I’m not thinking of changing sexes.)
 

New thing #1:

-Men have been doing this since we arrived on the planet, yet women are rarely seen doing it.
-If you were to see a woman doing this on the street, you would stop and stare, giggle, and nudge your friends.
-It has nothing to do with having a penis, or having strength.
-It involves the ingestion of a drug.
-It is a far healthier method of ingesting this drug than the method I’m currently using.
-There is absolutely no reason why men should do this but women shouldn’t.
-If my father should find out that I’m doing this, he would be pretty proud!
-You can’t do this in places of work.
-There are famous women who proudly do this, including Shari Belafonte, Janet Jones, Andie MacDowell, and Sadie B. Hawkins (who I’ve had absolutely no luck googling, but I have a picture of her doing this thing topless which I may or may not show you later, depending on how nice you are to me).
-Men seem to harbour a secret fantasy that more women should do this.

(Dad, keep schtum.  I know you know what I’m on about!)

New thing #2:

-I bought a book on this subject a few years back.  When it was spotted by various people, their reaction was usually negative, along the lines of ‘Don’t go near this shit; my (fill in the blank) did this and she changed for the worse!’
-It was very popular in older cultures, yet people were severely punished for it.
-It is an absolutely fascinating subject to me and to others, though they might not admit it.
-For the most part, it involves a group of people all doing this together.
-If you put this on your C.V., most companies would kick you out before the interview even got started.
-It’s not a religion, though there are parts of it that involve simialar practices.
-Several films have been made on this subject, the ones that I know of are mostly chick-flicks, though gender doesn’t really have that much to do with it.
-You have probably met a handful of people who do this, though you wouldn’t necessarily know it.
-The general consensus is that people don’t believe in this, though they are still afraid/respectful of it.
-It is heavily stereotyped.

-o-

So whatcha think?  Are you disgusted or confused? Enthralled or indifferent?

-o-

If you’re completely mind-boggled and feel like staring into space for a bit to think it over, then I have just the thing for you:

This.

Alternatively, if you really couldn’t be bothered, here’s some random comedy:

 

crack-of-dawn.jpg

 

And a super special cartoon just for me aul’ pair:

 

home-shopping.jpg

-o-

(A very short while later….)

Congratulations to Robert (get well soon :) and Deborah!!! 

New thing #1 is, indeed, smoking a pipe.  And, as promised, here is that picture of topless Sadie B. Hawkins thus proving that pipe smoking can be a very sexy affair altogether!

women_pipe_smokers.jpg

Don’t believe me?  Consult Better Living through Chemistry!

Deborah, you got it, by bingo.  New thing #2 which I’m considering having a serious look into is Wicca.

What’s the worst thing that can happen… right? 

(Try to think outside the boxymoron before you answer that.)

pentagram.jpg

Bring on the comments

  1. Fantastic brain twisters.
    I’m more fascinated with #1 because it involves drugs and you said penis and your dad would be proud…
    damn good post!

  2. SID says:

    Is it breast feeding?

    What’s my prize?

  3. Grannymar says:

    Would the first one involve a clay one?

    No way can you do this in the Board room!

    From picture 2 above you can see I at least get dressed to go shopping. Hope you like my hairstyle.

  4. Chewing tobacco? But I don’t know many men that fantasize about that

  5. What Grannymar said.

  6. Grannymar says:

    ‘What Grannymar said’

    So Going like Sixty gets dressed up to go shopping ;)

  7. K8 says:

    Sixty, nope, not chewing tobacco, though Grannymar’s guess is the best so far so you can’t get on the back of her ;)

    SID, nope, not breastfeeding – been there, done that, and have headlights pointing in different directions to prove it!! Has my title got you with boobs on the brain? ;)

    Grannymar, you’ve a lovely figure! It could have something to do with clay, but nothing to do with pidgeons.

  8. Mrs. Sixty guesses using a cigarette holder.

  9. K8 says:

    No, not a cigarette holder either I’m afraid. Though they are a bloody good invention.

  10. Grandad says:

    I got the first one long before I got to your warning to me. Go for it!!

    The second one I am more concerned about. I had a very strong suspicion as to what you were on about, and then your reaction to Grannymar kinda confirmed it.

    If it is what I think it is – don’t do it! I did it once and it scared the living sh*t outa me. Never did it again.

    As for the image dedicated to us – you’ve been at the Tesco security tapes again. Admit it…

  11. K8 says:

    Yep, I’ll be contacting your Belgian friend soon about that..

    As for the second guess… don’t worry, I don’t think you’re thinking what you think I’m thinking. Though I’m thinking I’d like to know what it is that you think I’m thinking!

  12. robert says:

    I still can’t get past “Breasts”

  13. robert says:

    Wait! I managed to read on and the tip about your father has given it away I think is it……. smoking a pipe?

    and the second one yoga?

  14. Deborah says:

    Pipe smoking for sure… I like glass myself! ;-)

    As for the second… Wicca maybe? Been fascinated with that myself…

  15. You’re talking about tobacco pipe, right?

  16. Baino says:

    And you think I’m nuts!

  17. Medbh says:

    My sister used to smoke a pipe many years ago when she was a pretentious university student. Her room REEKED.
    Didn’t many women Travellers smoke a pipe years back?

    Wicca is fine and all, I was initiated in 1989 but grew out of it over the years. I still wear my pentagram charm and all, but the problem for me is that many of the people involved are ditzy hippies. Also, I don’t regard it as a religion, but rather as a spiritual path that complements my feminist politics. All religions have a holy book and being a Witch is about improvising and making your own book. Plus, I view it as symbolism, not some literal thing like other religions.

  18. Ehmm….I’m still enthralled by the word “breast”! :-)

    A Pipe aye? It adds a bit of mystique to your persona, which goes perfectly with Wicca.

    Wicca is an intriguing subject. I’ve read several books on the subject. I’don’t parade around in a black robe or anything such as that, I just read them for the knowledge. A lot of our holidays and religious ceremonies are based on Wiccan, Pagan, and ancient Celtic symbols and rituals.

    Life is about symbolism. We are all educated to think that some symbols are bad, while others are good. For instance, I was minding my own business the other day, reading a book titled, “The Coven of One” in a local café, when a bloke comes up to me, and asked, “Are you a devil worshiper or something?”

    And that book had a picture of a Pentacle on the front of it, which is supposed to be good! :-)

  19. Deborah says:

    Which book did you get? I’ve read so many now I can’t keep track, but there are some really bizarre ones out there. http://www.witchvox.com is a most fantastic resource if you haven’t already used it. Like Medbh I’ve drifted away, even had the kids baptised and the like… more for my parents than anything else, but it’s always in the back of my mind. I didn’t like some of the wackos you’d come across and preferred to keep to myself. Went to Glastonbury in 98 with a like-minded friend and did some workshops and it was mind blowing. Best of luck!

  20. Deborah says:

    P.S. What’s my prize? Perhaps you could cast a powerful money spell for me once you’re all learned up! ;-)

  21. Hails says:

    Women smoking pipes… something I’d never even considered before. I gave up smoking cigarettes 5 months ago – if only I’d realised I had a ‘healthy’ alternative! ;) I love the smell of pipe smoke. Reminds me of Granda. He’s not dead, like. It just reminds me of him.

  22. Grandad says:

    Ah, Wicca!! Thank God! For a terrible moment earlier I thought you were going to try drinking Horlicks.

  23. robert says:

    Oi! don’t knock horlicks!

    Tis great stuff. I found a jar of it just behind the Bovril!

  24. SID says:

    Have a compo for someone to pick your Wican name!

    The winner gets a spell of their choice cast by yerself.

  25. What’s the worst thing that can happen…

    You can end up spending a lot of time with brainless, Fluffy Bunny/White Lighters who have less knowledge of history, science, and world religions than your average Evangelical, and that’s saying something.

    If you’re reading books that give you this idea “It was very popular in older cultures, yet people were severely punished for it,” you’ve been reading books that are giving you disinformation, because it’s just not true. Paganism was, of course, very popular in older cultures, but don’t confuse Pagans with Wiccans. Wicca is a modern religion, and anyone claiming that is actually based on something older (older than Crowley and the Church, that is) is full of mad dog shite, and they are either truly ignorant of history (and ignorance is no excuse) or they are purposely making claims like this to sell their book, advance their cause, etc. Don’t be rooked in. If people want to create their own religion, that’s fine, but don’t act like it’s all ancient. There are people who do try to follow actual, ancient religions; they’re called Pagan Reconstructionists, and they are very, very into history and accuracy and have a hard time keeping a straight face when the Fluffy Bunny Wiccans start talking.

    I’m not out of the broom closet on my blog, but I’ve been a Pagan since 1985 (reached 3rd degree intiation in an Eclectic Wiccan group and was HP for a while), and Medbh has it, dead on, with the ditzy hippie thing. I ran Pagan groups in real life and on the Internet, and if you ever want to know the downside of any type of Wicca (and there are almost as many different types of Wicca out there as there are Christian groups) or Pagan group, feel free to e-mail me and I will bend your ear.

  26. K8 says:

    Sixty: Yep, a tobacco pipe, but a girly one of course! (If there is such a thing.)

    Baino, there’s a huge difference between being a cashew or pistachio and just a plain-old regular peanut :) If we’re going to be nuts, we might as well have a bit of an interesting edge!

    Medbh; I hear you on the subject of ditzy hippies. I’ve found that in any alternative practice, be it herbal medicine, reiki, homoeopathy or wicca, there are always bubble heads who give the practice a bad name. I would be approaching this as a more private thing to complement my own interests, instead of announcing it to the world or trying to push it on others, perhaps as a religion would. My reference to wicca being akin to religion was with regards to the chanting or incantation element only.

    Jefferson, you’ve hit the nail on the head with the pagan ritual idea. I’ve always felt it a crying shame that the old festivals – harvest moon/spring equinox/winter festivals were phased out in favour of Christian holidays. The church then had the audacity to claim these festivals as their own, and tamed them down. How wonderful it would be to celebrate life and nature instead of an ideal created by the church. I’m more skeptical of this Jesus bloke than I am of wicca which is quite confusing for me!

    Deborah; Thanks for that link!!! I’ve never come across it before, I’ll have a ball browsing around :) The book I read is simply called ‘Witchcraft – Theory and Practice’ by Ly De Angeles.
    My two year old still hasn’t been baptised, and I’m in inner turmoil about it. The only reason I want to have her christened is so that she won’t feel left out at Communion time, which is a pretty sad reason.

    P.S. Money won’t make you happy, but a 2-tonne bag of M&M’s might… what do you think? ;)

    Hails; OK so it’s not exactly healthy still, but at least most of the gunk is filtered out, and there are no added chemicals to fk you up. And I agree, the smell is fantastic. Especially the vanilla tobacco! My aim is to start a trend, but Rome wasn’t smoked in a day.

    Dad; HORLICKS?!?! Bleeurghh. You know me better than that! I try not to drink anything that’s good for me as a rule.

    Robert; Try mixing them!! (vom) I’ll try to make it rain sticky Horlicks for you as your prize :)

    SID; What a spectacularily fandabbydozy idea! Watch this space.

    Fat Sparrow; My reference to punishment was to Witches (the misunderstood) not read in books, but learned from observation from films! (Monty Python’s ‘Holy Grail’ for example – “That’s not my real nose!!!”) It was a clue purely to help you guess :)
    I’m not aiming to be part of a cult, or a worshipping gang. I want to learn about wicca because it feels right. I’ve been searching for meaning in so many places, and haven’t found it in my religion. I’m going to stay well clear of the hypocritical because I’ve had enough of that. I’m only interested in the persuit of truth, the idea that there is energy dormant in us all, pushed down by the masses. It’s not about spells for me, it’s about finding this energy and learning about what it can do.

    Thank you so much for letting me know you’re into this… I might just be sending you a mail as soon as I find my feet!

  27. TJ says:

    By the way, thats not Sadie Hawkins topless. Its some african woman – can’t remember where I found the picture. But she still looks sexy smoking a pipe topless.

    Sadie Hawkins is white and smokes a corn-cob.

  28. K8 says:

    No wonder I had trouble googling her!!!

    Say… would this be the same corn-cob smoking lass that started the whole Sadie Hawkins Dance thing?

  29. Steve says:

    Will you please ask our perfect heavenly father to love pipe smoking women by transfiguring all discord into peace?

    With faith, hope and love
    Steve

  30. K8 says:

    I’ll do my best. Mind you, peace can be awfully boring sometimes.

    Warmest regards
    Me

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